I’ve seen it too many times—women stuck in relationships where they’re more of a confidence boost than a real partner. It’s frustrating, exhausting, and worst of all, it keeps you from finding someone who actually values you.
Some men don’t want love; they want validation. They keep you around not because they care about you, but because you make them feel good about themselves. And the worst part? They’ll never admit it.
But psychology makes it clear—there are certain signs that reveal when a man is only using you to feed his ego. If you recognize these behaviors, it might be time to walk away.
1) He only reaches out when he needs an ego boost
Ever notice how he disappears for days, maybe even weeks, but the moment he needs some validation, he’s suddenly blowing up your phone?
This isn’t love or even genuine interest—it’s a classic sign of an ego-driven connection. He doesn’t reach out because he misses you; he reaches out because he misses the attention you give him.
Psychologists call this intermittent reinforcement. It’s a manipulation tactic where someone keeps you hooked by giving just enough attention to keep you around, but never enough to actually invest in you.
If a man only comes around when he needs to be reminded of how great he is, then you’re not his priority. You’re just his safety net.
2) He showers you with compliments—but they feel empty
You’d think constant praise would mean he truly cares, right? Not always.
A man who’s keeping you around for his ego often overdoes the compliments—but they don’t feel personal. He’ll say things like, “You’re amazing” or “Any guy would be lucky to have you,” but rarely mentions anything specific about you.
Why? Because the compliments aren’t about making you feel special. They’re about keeping you hooked so you’ll keep feeding his ego in return.
Genuine admiration comes with depth—it’s about who you are, not just how you make him feel. If his words sound like something he could say to anyone, it’s time to question his intentions.
3) He keeps you close—but never fully commits
He acts like he wants you in his life. He flirts, makes future plans, and maybe even calls you his “favorite person.” But when it comes to actually committing? Suddenly, he’s full of excuses.
This is what psychologists call breadcrumbing—giving just enough attention to keep you hooked but never enough to build something real. It’s a classic move for someone who thrives on your attention but isn’t willing to give anything back.
I’ve seen this pattern so many times, and honestly, I used to fall for it too. That’s one of the reasons I wrote Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship—to help women stop settling for these one-sided connections.
If he keeps you in his orbit but won’t fully claim you, it’s not because he’s confused. He knows exactly what he’s doing—and he knows you deserve better.
4) He makes everything about himself
Ever notice how every conversation somehow circles back to him? You share something important, and instead of listening, he finds a way to turn the spotlight back on himself.
At first, it might seem harmless—maybe even charming. But over time, you start to realize that your thoughts, feelings, and achievements barely register unless they serve his ego.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” And that’s the truth—men like this aren’t thinking about you as much as you think about them.
I’ve been in this situation before, where I kept giving and giving, hoping he’d finally see me. But the hard truth? A man who only sees himself will never truly see you.
5) He gets jealous—but only when it threatens his ego
He doesn’t want to commit, but the moment you start giving your attention to someone else? Suddenly, he’s all over you.
This isn’t love—it’s possession. He doesn’t want to lose the validation you give him, so he steps in just enough to keep you from slipping away. But once he feels secure again, he goes right back to his usual behavior.
I remember dating a guy like this in my early twenties. The second I started pulling away, he’d show up with grand gestures and sweet words. But as soon as I was back in his orbit, the effort disappeared.
It took me way too long to realize that his jealousy wasn’t about me—it was about his ego needing reassurance.
If a man only fights for you when he feels like he’s losing control, he’s not protecting the relationship. He’s protecting his pride.
6) He never asks about your life in a meaningful way
Sure, he might throw out the occasional “How was your day?” but does he actually listen? Does he remember the little details, follow up on things that matter to you, or ask deeper questions about your dreams and struggles?
A man who values you will be curious about you. A man who only values what you do for his ego will keep the conversation surface-level—because, at the end of the day, he’s not truly invested in knowing you.
As Maya Angelou wisely put it, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If he consistently shows you that your thoughts and feelings don’t hold weight in his world, believe him.
I’ve learned that the right person will make you feel heard, not invisible. And if you’re looking for more insights like this, follow me on Facebook to get my latest articles in your feed.
7) You feel worse about yourself the longer you stay
At first, being around him made you feel special. But over time? You feel drained, insecure, and constantly questioning your worth.
That’s not love. That’s emotional erosion.
A man who keeps you around for his ego will take more than he gives. He’ll build you up just enough to keep you attached, then slowly chip away at your confidence so you don’t realize you deserve better.
I’ve been there. I’ve stayed too long, made excuses, and convinced myself that if I just proved my worth, he’d finally treat me right. But here’s the truth: If a relationship makes you feel smaller instead of stronger, it’s not a relationship—it’s a trap.
And the only way to win? Walk away.
Walking away isn’t losing—it’s reclaiming yourself
Leaving a man who only keeps you around to feed his ego isn’t easy. It’s not just about him—it’s about untangling yourself from the version of you that settled for less than you deserve.
The truth is, when someone treats you like an option, it slowly erodes your sense of worth. You start questioning yourself, wondering if you’re asking for too much, or if maybe—just maybe—you can love him enough to make him change.
But you can’t fix someone who thrives on taking more than they’ll ever give.
The real challenge isn’t finding someone who will finally see your value. It’s recognizing your value yourself—without needing anyone else to confirm it.
Justin Brown explores this beautifully in his video about committing to being single not as a lonely fate, but as a meaningful phase of self-growth and discovery. If you’ve ever felt pressured to stay in a relationship just to avoid being alone, this is a must-watch:
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s the first step toward building the kind of life—and love—you actually deserve.
