If someone goes quiet when you ask how they’re feeling, chances are they’re uncomfortable. If they change the subject when emotions come up, they’re likely uneasy.
Welcome to the basics of human interaction.
Yet, it’s not always as straightforward as that. The human psyche is a labyrinth of complex emotions and experiences, especially when it comes to discussing feelings.
Certain people find this much harder than others. Typically, these individuals have had these eight specific experiences in their childhood.
1) Difficulty in expressing emotions
Emotions are a whirlwind, aren’t they?
They hit you when you least expect it and leave you reeling, struggling to make sense of the storm. And when it comes to talking about them? Well, that’s a whole other ballgame.
For individuals who stumble over their words when emotions come up, it’s like getting caught in a downpour without an umbrella. It’s overwhelming, messy and leaves them feeling exposed.
Why is this the case? More often than not, these people had experiences in their childhood that made them feel unsafe or uncomfortable expressing their feelings.
Maybe they were told to “suck it up” too often, or perhaps their feelings were invalidated or dismissed.
Whatever the case may be, they learned early on that talking about emotions was awkward and uncomfortable, and so they decided to keep them under wraps.
Not so cool, right? But understanding this is the first step towards developing better emotional communication.
2) Inconsistent emotional responses
Have you ever found yourself reacting in a way that seems out of proportion to the situation at hand?
Well, I remember when I was a kid, I used to get extremely upset over seemingly trivial things.
A minor disagreement with a friend, or a slightly critical comment from a family member, could send me spiraling into a fit of anger or sadness.
Looking back now, I realize that my reactions weren’t about the situation itself, but rather about the intense emotions that I didn’t know how to express.
I wasn’t equipped with the tools to talk about my feelings, so they would just kind of… explode.
Turns out, many people who struggle with expressing their emotions have had similar experiences.
As children, they may have been met with unpredictable or inconsistent responses when they tried to express their feelings.
This inconsistency can make it difficult for them to predict and manage their own emotional responses as they grow up.
It’s a tough cycle to break, but recognizing it is half the battle.
3) Emotional neglect
Emotions are a bit like plants. They need care, attention, and the right conditions to grow and flourish. When they’re neglected, they wither away, becoming stunted and hard to reach.
For some people, their childhood environment was like a barren desert for their emotions. This is called emotional neglect – when a child’s emotional needs aren’t adequately met by their caregivers.
Studies show that children who experience emotional neglect often struggle with expressing their feelings as adults.
They were never taught how to tend to their emotional garden, so to speak, so they find it challenging to identify and communicate their feelings.
Understanding this can be a game-changer in learning how to navigate the complex world of emotions.
4) Suppression of feelings
Imagine having a box where you store all your emotions. Every time you feel something, you just tuck it away in the box and close the lid. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.
Many people who feel awkward discussing their feelings have been conditioned to suppress them from a young age. They were told that certain emotions were “bad” or “wrong,” so they learned to hide them away.
The problem is, suppressed emotions don’t just disappear. They’re still there, lurking under the surface. And when someone tries to talk about them, it feels like opening a box full of chaos.
Recognizing this pattern is crucial. It’s the first step towards learning how to unpack that box and handle emotions in a healthier way.
5) Lack of emotional role models
Growing up, I always looked up to my older brother. He was cool, confident, and seemed to have everything figured out. But there was one thing he wasn’t – emotional.
In our house, emotions weren’t really talked about. My brother, like many others, was a product of that environment. He didn’t express his feelings and neither did I. We both lacked emotional role models.
Looking back now, I see how this shaped my relationship with emotions. Without anyone to show me how to navigate the unpredictable seas of feelings, I often felt lost and overwhelmed.
Many people who struggle with discussing their emotions can relate to this. They didn’t have anyone to model healthy emotional expression and communication for them as kids.
It’s never too late to learn, though. We can become our own role models, learning to handle emotions in ways we never saw growing up.
6) Overemphasis on positivity
You’d think that growing up in an environment that promotes positivity would be beneficial, right? Well, not always.
For children who were raised in households where only positive emotions were encouraged, dealing with negative feelings can be a struggle.
They were taught to always “look on the bright side” and “keep a smile on their face,” often at the expense of acknowledging their real emotions.
This can lead to difficulty in recognizing and expressing negative emotions as they grow up. They might feel awkward or guilty for not always being “happy” or “positive”.
This is a reminder that all emotions, even the negative ones, are a natural part of being human. It’s okay not to be okay sometimes. And talking about it? That’s more than okay, it’s necessary.
7) Fear of vulnerability
Opening up about your emotions can feel like standing on a stage, stripped bare for all to see. It’s a frightening prospect that can make anyone feel awkward and uncomfortable.
For those who had experiences in their childhood that made them feel unsafe or exposed when they were vulnerable, discussing emotions as adults can feel threatening.
They may have been ridiculed or punished for expressing their feelings, leading to a deep-seated fear of vulnerability.
Recognizing this fear is a powerful step. It’s the starting point to slowly unlearn the associated fear and start embracing vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness.
8) Absence of emotional education
We learn math, science, languages in school. But emotional education? That’s often overlooked.
In environments where emotional education was absent, children grow up lacking the language to express their feelings. They’re like tourists in a foreign country, struggling to communicate their most basic needs.
This is perhaps one of the most significant reasons why people feel awkward when discussing their emotions. They simply don’t have the vocabulary for it.
Emotional education is crucial. It’s never too late to learn the language of emotions and start expressing them more effectively.
Embracing the emotional journey
If you’ve made it this far, chances are, you’re someone who’s interested in understanding more about the complexities of human emotions.
Remember, feeling awkward when discussing emotions doesn’t mean you’re flawed or broken. It’s likely a result of experiences in your childhood that shaped your relationship with emotions.
It’s not about blaming the past, but understanding it. It’s about acknowledging that these experiences have influenced how you handle emotions, but they don’t need to define you.
Understanding your past is the first step. The next is learning, growing, and developing ways to better communicate your feelings. It’s a journey, and like all journeys, it starts with a single step.
So embrace the journey. Embrace your emotions. They’re a part of you and they deserve to be heard.
