When it comes to relationships, some people just seem to have it all figured out. They navigate conflicts with ease, communicate effortlessly, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company—without all the unnecessary drama.
I’ve spent years studying what makes relationships thrive, and here’s the truth: healthy relationships aren’t about luck. They’re built on specific habits that keep love strong and connections deep.
The good news? These habits aren’t reserved for the lucky few. Psychology shows that anyone can develop them—and trust me, they make all the difference.
As the founder of Love Connection and a lifelong student of love both personally and professionally, I’ve seen firsthand what works.
Here are eight habits of people who tend to have the healthiest relationships—so you can start strengthening yours today.
1) They listen to understand, not just to respond
Ever had a conversation where you could tell the other person was just waiting for their turn to speak? Yeah, not great.
People in the healthiest relationships don’t do that. Instead of rushing to share their own thoughts, they focus on truly understanding what the other person is saying.
They ask questions, they pay attention, and they make their partner feel heard.
Psychologists call this active listening, and it’s a game-changer. Research shows that when people feel genuinely understood, they’re more likely to trust, open up, and feel emotionally connected.
So the next time you’re in a conversation with your partner, try this: instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, focus entirely on them.
Repeat what you heard in your own words. Ask follow-up questions. Show them you get it. It might seem like a small shift, but trust me—it makes all the difference.
2) They fight fair and don’t keep score
Let’s be real—no relationship is sunshine and rainbows 24/7. Disagreements happen. But in the healthiest relationships, couples know how to argue without tearing each other down.
They don’t bring up past mistakes just to “win.” They don’t resort to name-calling or silent treatments. Instead, they focus on solving the problem together, not proving who’s right.
I once heard a quote from Esther Perel that stuck with me: “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” And I couldn’t agree more. How you handle conflict says a lot about the strength of your relationship.
One tip I always share? When an argument starts heating up, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Is this about solving the issue, or am I just trying to be right?” If it’s the latter, it might be time to step back and reset.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about keeping score—it’s about keeping your connection strong.
3) They maintain their own identity
I’ve seen it happen too many times—someone gets into a relationship and slowly starts losing themselves. Their hobbies fade, their friendships take a backseat, and before they know it, their entire world revolves around their partner.
Here’s the thing: the healthiest relationships are built on two whole people, not two halves trying to complete each other.
Maintaining your own identity—your passions, friendships, and personal growth—isn’t selfish. It actually makes your relationship stronger.
I talk about this a lot in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Codependency can sneak up on us in ways we don’t even realize, but learning to be independent while still being deeply connected is one of the best things you can do for your love life.
So ask yourself: Who am I outside of this relationship? If that question feels hard to answer, it might be time to reconnect with the things that make you feel alive—because a strong relationship starts with a strong sense of self.
4) They don’t expect their partner to make them happy
This one might sound a little wrong at first. After all, isn’t the whole point of a relationship to make each other happy?
Well… not exactly.
The healthiest couples know that happiness is an inside job. They don’t rely on their partner to fix their bad moods, fill their emotional voids, or make their life feel complete.
Instead, they take responsibility for their own well-being and bring that happiness into the relationship—rather than expecting the relationship to create it for them.
Psychologists call this emotional self-sufficiency, and it’s key to long-term relationship success. When you stop putting pressure on your partner to be your everything, you allow the relationship to be a source of love and support—without the weight of unrealistic expectations.
5) They prioritize small, everyday moments
Grand romantic gestures are nice and all, but you know what really keeps a relationship strong? The little things.
A quick “thinking of you” text. A genuine compliment. A random hug while your partner is making coffee. These tiny moments of connection might not seem like much, but over time, they build the kind of relationship that lasts.
I’ve seen this in my own life. Some of my favorite memories in past relationships aren’t the big vacations or fancy date nights—they’re the simple moments. Laughing over an inside joke. Holding hands on a walk. Feeling truly seen in the middle of an ordinary day.
Research backs this up, too. Studies show that couples who regularly engage in small, positive interactions are more likely to stay happy together long-term. Love isn’t about big moments—it’s about consistent care, every single day.
So don’t underestimate the power of that extra kiss goodbye or remembering how they take their tea. These little things? They mean everything.
6) They accept that love isn’t always easy
Let’s be brutally honest—love isn’t effortless. No matter how perfect a relationship looks from the outside, every couple has moments where things feel hard.
Fairy tales and rom-coms make it seem like love should always feel magical, like if you find “the one,” everything just clicks forever.
But real love? It takes work. It takes patience. It takes choosing each other even on the days when you don’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I’ve had relationships where I thought something was wrong just because we hit a rough patch. But the truth is, even the strongest couples struggle sometimes. The difference is, they don’t run when things get tough—they work through it together.
Psychologists call this relationship grit—the ability to push through challenges instead of assuming conflict means the relationship is broken. Because love isn’t about never struggling; it’s about how you handle the struggles when they come.
If you’re in a relationship and you’ve hit a rough spot, don’t panic. Hard moments don’t mean it’s over. They mean you’re human. And sometimes, pushing through those tough times is what makes love even stronger.
7) They communicate even when it’s uncomfortable
If there’s one thing I’ve learned—both in my own relationships and from years of studying them—it’s this: avoiding hard conversations never makes things better.
It’s tempting to sweep things under the rug, to avoid conflict, to tell yourself “It’s not a big deal” when something is really bothering you. But the healthiest couples don’t do that. They talk about the uncomfortable stuff, even when it feels awkward or scary.
There’s a quote from Brené Brown that I love: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” In relationships, this couldn’t be more true.
Being honest about your feelings—even when it’s hard—is one of the greatest acts of love. It prevents resentment, builds trust, and keeps small issues from turning into massive problems.
I used to struggle with this myself. I’d hold things in, convinced that bringing them up would only cause drama.
But what I learned? Unspoken feelings don’t disappear—they just come out in other ways. And those ways are usually way worse than just having an honest conversation upfront.
8) They know love alone isn’t enough
This one might sting a little, but it’s the truth: love by itself won’t keep a relationship alive.
We like to believe that if we love someone enough, everything else will fall into place. But love doesn’t automatically fix poor communication, unmet needs, or fundamental incompatibilities. It doesn’t erase toxic patterns or make up for a lack of effort.
I’ve been in relationships where the love was undeniable—but everything else was a disaster. And as much as I wanted to believe love could carry us through, it wasn’t enough to make it work. That was a painful lesson to learn.
The healthiest couples understand that love is just the foundation. What really sustains a relationship is effort, respect, trust, and shared values.
Love gets you started, but the daily choices you make—how you show up, how you treat each other, how you navigate challenges—are what determine whether or not you last.
Final thoughts
Healthy relationships don’t just happen—they’re built through small, intentional habits every single day.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up, communicating honestly, and choosing each other, even when it’s hard.
If you’re struggling with patterns like codependency or losing yourself in your relationship, I dive deeper into these topics in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Learning to love healthily is a journey—but trust me, it’s one worth taking.
So start small. Listen more. Communicate honestly. And remember: the strongest relationships aren’t perfect—they’re just built with care.
