Arouse Don’t Assault

I have a client who persists in assaulting unprepared “prospects” with sales messages on social media. Not that this “jump them” attack can’t result in someone buying something. It is just the lowest percentage approach when it comes to actually generating revenue.

Selling tactics of the past

In the early days of selling, sneak attacks had a kind of novelty to them. A door-to-door salesman would ring the bell of a lovely suburban home, and on the homemaker’s smiling appearance – he would throw a small cup of dirt on the rug inside. Then, pulling out the vacuum cleaner he hoped would soon be on an order form, he’d suck up the dirt and then some.

For the unsuspecting homemaker alone with her housecleaning, laundry and gardening chores, the interaction with the itinerant peddler (in a suit and shiny shoes) was itself a lift from a lonesome day. If she had the budget much less the need, she saw this unexpected visitor with a gee-whiz appliance as a welcome break, plus the visit threw a bit of optimism onto her self-esteem and status.

So, in the earliest iteration of selling tactics it was true that you could compel people into buying products and services with tricks, sleight of hand approaches and high-pressure techniques.

Selling tactics of the present

That worked until it didn’t. Today selling assaults do not work in part because we have become accustomed to building relationships – even faux relationships – that qualify sellers by their personalities and behaviors: their personal brands. We expect to come to know the people we buy from, although we generally know them only through their interactions on social media, like their contributions to LinkedIn group discussions.

Note that the bar of familiarity is “interactions” not “appearances”. Appearances are posts and pins. Interactions are responses and comments. Simply linking your latest blog post or announcing your new product, and doing it relentlessly as you create or make news, may get your photo and link pasted up there– but it won’t make relationships.

Success with social, outreach calls and emails, and in-person networking now demands that you don’t just offer something of value – or that you push who you are or what you have on other people’s desktops. Success demands that you become interested in the lives, businesses, activities, accomplishments, concerns and needs of these other people.

If you’ve stopped progressing or you’re stumped completely even after you have nailed down your personal brand, your strengths, talents, skills, interests, and social media activity: your lack of forward motion might reflect your failure to focus on someone other than yourself.

Rather than force yourself on us, consider how you can arouse our interest in you. It starts with your arousing your interest in us – and expressing that in a way that causes us to think, “Wow, this person gets who I am, and that’s why I want what he or she has.”

Remember, this is an audience economy. Until you’re more interested in your audience than you are in yourself, you may find yourself on the margins of not just society but also the economy.

Picture of Nance Rosen

Nance Rosen

Nance Rosen is the author of Speak Up! & Succeed. She speaks to business audiences around the world and is a resource for press, including print, broadcast and online journalists and bloggers covering social media and careers.

TRENDING AROUND THE WEB

Sociologist Erving Goffman’s research on what he called civil inattention found that the small, wordless adjustments strangers make for each other in shared public space, stepping aside, angling a cart, holding a gap, function as a form of social coordination just as real as speech, even though nothing is ever said.

Sociologist Erving Goffman’s research on what he called civil inattention found that the small, wordless adjustments strangers make for each other in shared public space, stepping aside, angling a cart, holding a gap, function as a form of social coordination just as real as speech, even though nothing is ever said.

Global English Editing

These students already wanted to be calmer and more outgoing, on average: the ones who wanted it more were predicted to finish the term a little further along than the average classmate

These students already wanted to be calmer and more outgoing, on average: the ones who wanted it more were predicted to finish the term a little further along than the average classmate

The Vessel

In 2007, a 107-year-old Australian woman who could no longer type began dictating a blog about surviving two world wars and the Great Depression, and kept posting until two weeks before she died at 108

In 2007, a 107-year-old Australian woman who could no longer type began dictating a blog about surviving two world wars and the Great Depression, and kept posting until two weeks before she died at 108

The Blog Herald

Psychology says people who drift off mid-task aren’t careless, they’re budgeting: in a preregistered study of 269 adults, those with stronger working memory let attention wander and pulled it back before demand peaked.

Psychology says people who drift off mid-task aren’t careless, they’re budgeting: in a preregistered study of 269 adults, those with stronger working memory let attention wander and pulled it back before demand peaked.

The Vessel

Psychology says parents who hand over a screen to keep the peace aren’t lazy, they’re depleted: across 822 U.S. caregivers of four to eight-year-olds, distress tracked with fewer enforced screen limits.

Psychology says parents who hand over a screen to keep the peace aren’t lazy, they’re depleted: across 822 U.S. caregivers of four to eight-year-olds, distress tracked with fewer enforced screen limits.

The Vessel

We tend to think a good night’s sleep improves memory across the board, but a 2025 Nature Human Behaviour study suggests it works more narrowly, protecting the sequence of events while the finer details fade.

We tend to think a good night’s sleep improves memory across the board, but a 2025 Nature Human Behaviour study suggests it works more narrowly, protecting the sequence of events while the finer details fade.

The Vessel