Have you ever caught yourself wondering why some interactions leave you feeling misunderstood and frustrated, while others feel so effortlessly warm and supportive?
From what I’ve seen in my counseling sessions, it often boils down to emotional intelligence—our ability to understand our own emotions and empathize with others’.
When a woman struggles with certain behaviors or mindsets, it’s usually a sign that she hasn’t fully tapped into these skills. No judgment here—emotional intelligence is learned, not inherited.
But if you’re finding your relationships tense or one-sided, it’s worth asking whether you’ve developed the key habits that foster genuine connection.
Below, I’ll walk you through eight abilities that reflect strong emotional intelligence. If any of these are missing, it’s likely you’ll see the ripple effects in your friendships, romantic partnerships, and even at work.
Let’s dive in.
1. Identify her own emotions
Ever notice how hard it can be to label what you’re actually feeling? Some of us go through the day vaguely “off,” without pinpointing whether we’re angry, sad, disappointed, or stressed.
And if you don’t know what’s really going on inside, how can you respond in a healthy way?
I often ask my clients to do a simple feelings check-in: pause for a minute and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now—and why?”
This might sound too basic, but it’s surprisingly effective. The folks at Positive Psychology stand behind this, noting that the first step in improving emotional intelligence is developing self-awareness.
You’ll be amazed how much clarity you gain when you commit to identifying your emotions, rather than just ignoring the swirl in your head.
2. Own her mistakes
We all mess up. That’s life. But emotional intelligence demands that we take responsibility for our actions when we do.
I once counseled a woman who found it nearly impossible to say, “I’m sorry.” She’d spin every misstep into a defense of her intentions.
The result? People around her felt unheard and invalidated.
Being accountable for your slip-ups doesn’t diminish you. Actually, it does the opposite.
It shows you have enough confidence and maturity to recognize you’re not perfect and that you’re willing to grow.
I’ve noticed that clients who practice accountability see their relationships transform. People trust them more because they’re transparent about what went wrong and how they plan to fix it.
Without that honesty, tension tends to linger in every discussion.
This brings me to the next point…
3. Apologize with sincerity
Taking responsibility for a mistake is one thing, but following it up with a real apology takes humility.
A halfhearted “I’m sorry you feel that way” never works—it comes across as dismissive rather than understanding.
Emotional intelligence means learning to apologize from a place of empathy: “I’m sorry for what I did, and I recognize how it affected you.”
If you’ve ever received a genuine apology, you know how healing it can feel. You also know how hollow a forced apology is.
I myself used to struggle with the art of a good apology myself, thinking that acknowledging someone else’s pain meant I was fully at fault for everything.
But once I saw it as an act of empathy rather than an admission of total blame, apologizing became a lot easier. After all, it’s about validation, not groveling.
4. Show empathy
Empathy is such a huge element of emotional intelligence.
If a person never tries to see beyond her own perspective, she’ll miss out on a deeper connection with others.
I remember a friend who was going through a tough divorce. At first, I tried to “fix” her situation by offering endless practical tips. But what she really needed was a simple, “That sounds incredibly hard. I’m here for you.”
When I focused on genuinely feeling what she might be experiencing, rather than swooping in with advice, our bond grew stronger.
Empathy builds bridges. Without it, you can talk all day but never truly connect.
5. Regulate her emotions in tense moments
Emotional regulation is a big one. Flying off the handle, or shutting down entirely, can cause damage in relationships that’s hard to repair later.
I’m sure we’ve all had our fair share of moments where we lashed out at someone in the heat of the moment, and then regretted our words afterwards.
But part of growing in emotional intelligence means catching yourself in those moments and choosing a better response.
The pros over at the Greater Good back this up, saying that people who can handle stress or conflict without exploding—or disappearing—usually have a healthier emotional life.
One approach I suggest is pausing to take a deep breath (or ten) and asking, “What outcome do I want from this conversation?”
It’s a simple practice, but it can save you from a conversation hangover of regret.
6. Communicate her needs clearly
Sometimes, emotional intelligence is about not expecting people to read your mind.
If a person can’t clearly say what she wants or what’s bothering her, everyone stays in the dark, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.
There was a time I assumed my partner would just “get” that I needed more alone time. When he didn’t respond in the way I hoped, I felt frustrated—yet I’d never actually spelled it out for him.
Instead of fearing rejection or conflict, it helps to be honest and confident that our needs matter.
If you keep everything bottled up, you can’t fault someone for not responding to something they never knew was an issue in the first place.
7. Accept and process feedback
Let’s face it: feedback can sting. Whether it’s about our performance at work or how we handled a personal situation, it’s never fun to hear we’re not perfect.
But emotional intelligence requires the ability to listen to constructive criticism without going on the defensive.
I’ve been there—my first instinct used to be, “Well, you just don’t understand my reasons,” or “You’re exaggerating.”
According to mental health experts, an open mind to learning from mistakes is a sign of high emotional intelligence.
Sure, some feedback might be off-base or come from someone who’s not in your corner. But even then, there could be a kernel of truth to glean.
If you instantly dismiss every critique, you might also dismiss an opportunity to become a better version of yourself.
8. Listen actively
I’ve saved a big one until last, friends. Active listening is underrated, yet it’s a cornerstone of emotional intelligence.
Everyone knows someone who listens just enough to jump in with their own story. Or worse, someone who looks like they’re listening but is clearly composing their response in their head.
That’s not true listening—it’s just waiting your turn to talk.
Personally, I’ve had to catch myself from time to time—especially as a counselor. I’m used to offering guidance, but sometimes, people just need to be heard, no frills attached.
Active listening isn’t passive. It involves giving the other person space to express themselves, clarifying what they’re saying, and reflecting back so they know they’re understood.
If a woman can’t put aside her own mental chatter long enough to hear someone out, it signals a gap in the skills that keep relationships strong.
Final thoughts
The ability to navigate your own feelings, connect with others’ emotions, and foster genuine dialogue isn’t some lofty skill reserved for counselors or psychologists.
It’s within everyone’s grasp—you just have to be intentional about it.
When you find yourself stumbling in one of these areas, remember that emotional intelligence grows with practice.
No one is perfect at it from day one, but the more you reflect and adjust, the stronger your emotional toolkit becomes.
Signing off.
