Recognizing a narcissist can be a game changer. The moment you see through their charade, the dynamics change dramatically. When a narcissist realizes that you’ve figured them out, they don’t just sit back and let things unfold.
Instead, they follow a certain pattern of behavior. They start to act in particular ways that can initially be confusing but are actually quite predictable once you know what to look for.
In this article, we’ll delve into nine specific things a narcissist does when they realize the jig is up. It’s important to remember that knowledge is power.
Let’s dive right in.
1) They ramp up their charm offensive
When a narcissist senses that you’re onto them, their first line of defense is often to turn up the charm. This is not because they genuinely want to improve the relationship or make amends. Rather, they’re trying to regain control and power over you.
Narcissists are known for their charisma and charm, which they use adeptly to manipulate others. When they feel threatened, they may shower you with compliments, attention, and flattery to make you doubt your perceptions of them.
However, remember that this is just a ploy. It’s crucial not to fall for this tactic and let it sway you from what you’ve uncovered about their true nature. It’s not about genuine change; it’s about maintaining their control over you.
2) They start gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists and it’s something I’ve personally experienced. When a narcissist senses that you’re onto them, they may resort to gaslighting to make you doubt your own perceptions and sanity.
In my own experience, whenever I’d confront the narcissist in my life about their behavior, they’d twist things around and try to convince me that what I was seeing wasn’t real. They’d say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re just too sensitive,” or even “You’re imagining things.”
At first, I was confused and started doubting myself. But as I became more aware of their narcissistic tendencies, I realized that this was just a manipulation technique. They were trying to control the narrative and make me question my own perceptions.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. It’s not about you or your sanity; it’s about the narcissist trying to maintain their power and control. Once you recognize this, it becomes easier to resist their manipulative tactics.
3) They attempt to isolate you
Narcissists are notorious for trying to isolate you from your support network when they sense that you’re onto them. This can take the form of discouraging you from spending time with friends and family, or subtly undermining your relationships with others.
This tactic has a dual purpose. Firstly, it can make you more dependent on the narcissist, thus giving them more power and control over you. Secondly, it can limit your access to outside perspectives that might confirm your suspicions about their narcissistic behavior.
People who score high on measures of narcissism are more likely to engage in relationship-damaging behaviors, such as trying to isolate their partners from their support networks.
4) They play the victim
When a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, they may resort to playing the victim. This is a classic manipulation tactic where they portray themselves as the innocent party being unfairly targeted.
Suddenly, they’re not the ones with the problem; you are. They might start accusing you of being too critical, too sensitive, or even of being the narcissist yourself.
Narcissists do this to deflect attention away from their own behavior and to make you feel guilty for suspecting them. The goal? To keep you off balance and to regain control.
5) They become overly defensive
If you’ve ever confronted a narcissist about their behavior, you’ll know they don’t take it well. Once they realize you’re onto them, they may become extremely defensive.
Instead of acknowledging their faults or considering your perspective, they’re likely to lash out, often with personal attacks or attempts to belittle you. You may hear phrases like “You always…” or “You never…”. They might also deflect criticism by pointing out your flaws instead.
This defensiveness is a protective mechanism. Narcissists have a fragile ego and any hint of criticism can be seen as an attack. But don’t let their defensiveness deter you; it’s just another tactic to maintain control and avoid accountability.
6) They try to make you jealous
Narcissists are experts in manipulation, and making you jealous is one of their go-to strategies when they sense their grip on you is slipping.
You might find them suddenly talking up an ex, spending a lot of time with a new ‘friend’, or even blatantly flirting in front of you. It’s painful to watch, and that’s precisely the point.
Their aim? To make you feel insecure and question your worth, so you’ll be more likely to cling to them for validation. It’s a cruel game, but one that’s all too common in the narcissist’s playbook.
7) They give you the silent treatment
When a narcissist senses that you’ve figured them out, they might resort to the silent treatment. This is something I’ve suffered through myself, and it’s incredibly challenging to deal with.
One moment, they might be showering you with attention and the next, they will become cold and distant, refusing to engage with you in any meaningful way. It’s their way of punishing you for daring to see through their charade.
The silent treatment can be emotionally devastating. It leaves you feeling rejected and unworthy, which is exactly what the narcissist wants. But don’t let their silence shake your resolve. Your worth is not defined by their willingness to communicate with you.
8) They start a smear campaign
When a narcissist realizes you’ve seen through their façade, they might resort to a smear campaign. This involves spreading false or exaggerated information about you to others in an attempt to discredit you and damage your reputation.
They do this to isolate you and to gain sympathy and support from others. They want to control the narrative and paint themselves as the victim, while making you out to be the villain.
Recognize this for what it is—a malicious tactic aimed at causing you harm. Stay firm in your truth and don’t let their lies sway your perception of yourself. Remember, those who truly know and care about you won’t be easily fooled by the narcissist’s deceit.
9) They threaten or try to intimidate you
When all else fails, a narcissist may resort to threats or intimidation. This can range from subtle emotional threats to overt physical intimidation. It’s the most desperate and dangerous stage of their reaction.
Their goal is to regain control by making you afraid. They want you to back down, to stop questioning them, and to return to the status quo where they held all the power.
But it’s crucial to remember that no one has the right to threaten or intimidate you. You deserve respect and safety. If a narcissist resorts to these tactics, it’s a clear sign that you need to protect yourself, potentially by involving authorities or seeking professional help. Stand your ground and prioritize your safety above all else.
