Raising kids is a tricky business, and psychologists tell us it’s all too easy to foster entitlement and spoilage without even realizing it.
The difference boils down to boundaries. Spoiling a child often involves giving into their demands, without teaching them the value of hard work or empathy.
Raising healthy, well-adjusted kids on the other hand, involves setting clear limits and reinforcing the importance of respect and gratitude.
Psychology gives us some clear pointers on what not to do. I’ve distilled these into nine key behaviors parents should avoid, if they want to steer clear of raising entitled, spoiled kids.
Let’s dive in.
1) Overindulgence
It’s no surprise that overindulgence can lead to spoiling.
Parents often find themselves caught in a tricky balancing act, wanting to provide for their kids and make them happy, but also not wanting to create a sense of entitlement.
Psychologist David Anderson from the Child Mind Institute highlights overindulgence as a key contributing factor to raising spoiled kids. The concept is simple: when children are given everything they want without any effort on their part, they can develop an inflated sense of self-importance.
Consider it like this. It’s the reason behind kids expecting to get the latest iPhone just because their friends have one, or expecting a brand new car for their sixteenth birthday.
When kids are overindulged, they can avoid the valuable life lessons of hard work and patience.
If you’re aiming to raise well-rounded, grateful children, it’s important to check your own behavior first. Are you overindulging them? If so, it’s time for a change.
2) Lack of responsibility
Now, let’s talk about responsibility.
I remember when my niece was around ten years old. She was visiting us for a weekend and managed to spill juice on the living room carpet. Her immediate reaction? “Oh well, my mom will clean it up.” I was taken aback.
This got me thinking about how crucial it is to instill a sense of responsibility in kids from an early age.
According to psychology, when parents constantly pick up the pieces for their children, they can inadvertently raise entitled kids who feel the world owes them everything.
Kids need to learn that their actions have consequences and that they are responsible for cleaning up their own messes, literally and figuratively. It’s not always easy to enforce, but it’s a crucial lesson for them to learn.
Looking back at my niece’s visit, I realize it was an opportunity to teach her about responsibility. Instead of cleaning up after her, we could have made it a learning moment by encouraging her to clean up the spill herself.
By assigning age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities, you’re setting your child on a path towards independence and accountability, rather than entitlement.
3) Inconsistent discipline
Discipline is a vital part of parenting, but it’s important to be consistent.
Psychologists from the University of Minnesota conducted a study on more than 2,500 families over several decades. They found that inconsistent discipline can lead to adolescent behavioral problems.
Imagine a situation where a child throws a tantrum in a store because they want a toy. If the parent gives in one day but then punishes the child for the same behavior the next day, it sends mixed signals.
The child is left confused about what is acceptable behavior. This inconsistency can lead to them pushing boundaries further, resulting in entitled behavior.
Consistency in discipline helps children understand what behavior is expected of them. It provides clear guidelines for them to follow, reducing the chances of them becoming spoiled or entitled.
Consistency is key when it comes to discipline.
4) Failing to teach gratitude
Teaching gratitude is an integral part of raising children who aren’t entitled or spoiled.
Children learn by observing their parents. If they see their parents taking things for granted, they are likely to do the same.
On the other hand, if they see their parents expressing gratitude regularly, they will understand the importance of appreciating what they have.
Teaching gratitude goes beyond just saying ‘thank you’. It involves acknowledging the effort others put into doing something for them. For instance, understanding that a gift isn’t just a material object, but a token of someone’s love and affection.
By instilling a sense of gratitude in your children, you help them appreciate the value of what they have and prevent them from becoming entitled.
Take some time each day to express gratitude and encourage your child to do the same. It could be as simple as thanking each other for small acts of kindness within your family. This can go a long way in raising children who appreciate what they have instead of feeling entitled to more.
5) Not allowing natural consequences
Sometimes, the best lessons in life come from our own mistakes.
As parents, it can be tough to watch our children stumble or face disappointment. But shielding them from natural consequences can do more harm than good.
Let’s say your child forgets their lunch box at home. Rushing to deliver it might seem like the caring thing to do, but it also robs them of a valuable lesson. They need to learn that forgetfulness has consequences, and in this case, it might mean a day of hunger or borrowing food from friends.
Psychologists emphasize that experiencing natural consequences is a powerful teacher. It helps children understand the impact of their actions and leads to personal growth.
While it might be hard to step back and let your child face the music, remember that you’re helping them become more responsible and less entitled in the long run.
6) Prioritizing material possessions over values
In a world driven by consumerism, it’s easy for kids to equate love and happiness with material possessions.
As parents, we may feel compelled to buy our children the latest gadgets or trendy clothes to keep them happy or make them feel loved. But in the long run, this could foster a sense of entitlement.
Psychologists remind us that what children need most is our time, love, and guidance. They need to learn values like kindness, empathy, and resilience. These are the things that will truly equip them for life’s challenges, not the latest iPhone or designer shoes.
Our children should know that their worth is not measured by what they own but by who they are as individuals.
Let’s focus less on the material things we can give our children and more on the values we can instill in them. Let’s show them that there’s more to life than having the most toys or the trendiest clothes. Because in the end, it’s who they become that truly matters.
7) Neglecting to set boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial in raising children who aren’t entitled or spoiled.
I remember a time when my son wanted to play video games all day long. It was tempting to let him do so just to keep the peace, but I realized that this was a prime opportunity to set some boundaries.
Children need to understand that they can’t always get what they want whenever they want it. They need to learn how to manage their time and prioritize their responsibilities.
By setting limits on things like screen time, you’re teaching them discipline and self-control. It’s not about being strict or mean; it’s about teaching them valuable life skills.
Even though it wasn’t easy and led to some tantrums, I stuck with the video game limits. And you know what? Over time, my son learned to manage his time better and appreciate his gaming hours more.
Setting boundaries might not be easy, but it’s necessary in raising kids who aren’t entitled or spoiled. Remember, boundaries are not restrictions but guides that lead children towards becoming responsible adults.
8) Failing to model empathy
One of the most important lessons we can teach our children is empathy.
Children are like sponges, absorbing everything around them. They learn how to behave by observing their parents and other significant adults in their lives.
If a child sees their parent showing kindness and understanding towards others, they’re likely to mirror that behavior. On the other hand, if they see their parent acting entitled or dismissive towards others, they might adopt those behaviors as well.
Teaching empathy involves showing children how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. It’s about teaching them to be considerate of others’ feelings and needs.
By modeling empathy and teaching your children its importance, you’re equipping them with a crucial life skill. You’re shaping them to become compassionate individuals who understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
Let’s strive to be empathetic in our interactions and show our children that everyone deserves respect and understanding. This way, we can help prevent them from developing entitled behaviors.
9) Overpraising
While it’s important to celebrate our children’s achievements and boost their self-esteem, overpraising can lead to entitlement.
When we praise our children for every little thing they do, they can develop a distorted sense of self-worth. They might start believing they’re superior to others and deserve special treatment.
It’s crucial to give praise where it’s due, but it’s equally important to teach children that failure is a part of life. They need to understand that not everything will always go their way, and that’s okay.
Let’s focus on praising our children for their effort and resilience, rather than just their achievements. This will help them develop a growth mindset, where they see challenges as opportunities for learning rather than threats to their self-worth.
The goal is not to raise perfect kids, but kids who understand the value of hard work, empathy, and humility.
