Parenting isn’t all cuddles and cherished first steps; it’s also those 3 a.m. feedings, constant worry, and that endless search for a moment of “me” time.
Sure, it’s filled with love like nothing else, but there are sides to parenting we don’t see on picture-perfect social media posts—those honest, uncomfortable truths we often avoid, but which hold the key to understanding the real journey.
Drawing from psychology, we’re diving into these rarely spoken truths.
This isn’t about dampening the joy of parenting; it’s more like offering a bittersweet dose of reality that might just make the ride a little clearer, a little lighter.
Let’s walk through these raw realities together and discover what they can teach us about being the best, most grounded parents we can be.
1) Parenting is more about the parent than the child
It’s a hard pill to swallow but let’s face it—parenting is as much, if not more, about the parent than the child.
This doesn’t mean that kids are not important.
They absolutely are.
But the truth is, our parenting styles, decisions, and reactions are more reflective of our own insecurities and unresolved issues than they are about our children’s needs.
We tend to project our fears, aspirations, and past struggles onto our children.
In many cases, we strive to rectify in them what we wish we could have changed in ourselves or urge them to succeed in areas where we feel we have fallen short.
Confronting this uncomfortable truth proves essential for our growth as parents and individuals.
It’s not a matter of placing blame; it’s a journey of understanding our motivations and striving to do our best with this awareness.
A conscious awareness of this dynamic can help us make better parenting choices, ones that put the child’s actual needs at the forefront, rather than our own projected ones.
2) There’s no such thing as a perfect parent
I remember the first time I held my newborn son in my arms, promising to be the perfect parent for him.
I was going to shield him from all harm, make all the right decisions, and never lose my cool.
That illusion shattered pretty fast.
Psychology tells us that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent.
We all make mistakes, lose our patience, and sometimes make decisions that we regret later.
For instance, I recall a time when I lost my temper over something trivial.
My son had accidentally spilled his milk on the carpet, and I yelled at him.
After cooling down, I realized that my reaction was completely out of proportion.
You see, we’re human.
We’re not robots programmed to respond perfectly in every situation.
So yes, you will mess up.
But it’s what you do after the mistake that matters.
Apologizing when you’re wrong, for example, teaches your child humility and the importance of taking responsibility for their actions.
Let go of that unrealistic expectation of being a perfect parent.
It’s not healthy for you or your child.
Aim to be a ‘good enough’ parent who learns from their mistakes and strives to do better next time.
3) It’s okay not to have all the answers
Children are naturally curious creatures.
They ask a myriad of questions, from simple ones like “why is the sky blue?” to more complex ones that leave you stumped, like “why do people die?”
And there’s this societal expectation that as a parent, you should have all the answers.
But that’s simply not true.
There was this one time when my son asked me why his friend at school had two dads.
I fumbled, unsure of how to explain the concept of same-sex parenting to a five-year-old.
I didn’t have all the answers then, and that’s okay.
It’s perfectly fine to admit to our children when we don’t know something.
It shows them that it’s okay not to know everything and that learning is a lifelong process.
Next time your child asks you a question and you’re unsure of the answer, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but let’s find out together.”
It can even be an opportunity for a shared learning experience.
4) Your child won’t always like you
This one stings a bit.
But it’s a reality that, as a parent, I’ve had to come to terms with myself.
There will be times when your child doesn’t like you.
Times when your necessary discipline, your refusal to give in to unreasonable demands, or even your mere embarrassing existence (hello, teenagers!) will make you the villain in their eyes.
These moments, while difficult, are completely normal and even healthy.
They’re part of your child’s journey towards independence and self-identity.
Our role as parents isn’t to be our children’s best friends.
It’s to guide, nurture, and provide a safe environment for them to grow.
Navigating these choppy waters can be tough.
However, accepting this uncomfortable truth can help us maintain perspective and reinforce the idea that our parenting choices should prioritize what’s best for our children, not revolve around winning their approval.
5) Over-praising can do more harm than good
In a world where boosting self-esteem and confidence in our children is highly valued, this might sound counterintuitive: Over-praising our kids can actually do more harm than good.
Sure, we want to encourage them and make them feel good about their achievements.
But excessive praise can lead to a harmful dependency on external validation for self-worth.
Psychology suggests that when children are overpraised, they may develop a fear of failure.
They become so accustomed to the praise that they start avoiding risks or challenges where they could potentially fail and not receive that praise.
Instead of lavishing praise on every small achievement, it’s healthier to focus on effort and growth.
Encourage the process, not just the outcome.
For example, rather than saying “You’re so smart,” say “I can see you worked really hard on that.”
This approach fosters a growth mindset, teaching kids that effort and resilience are key components of success, not just innate talent or intelligence.
6) Your child is not your mini-me
Every parent envisions their child embodying the best of themselves, hoping they might even fulfill dreams left unachieved.
However, here’s an uncomfortable truth: your child is not your mini-me.
Khalil Gibran captures this sentiment perfectly when he writes, “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”
Children are individuals with their own unique personalities, interests, and talents.
They aren’t here to live out our unfulfilled aspirations or pick up where we left off; they are here to carve their own paths.
Recognizing and respecting our children’s individuality is crucial.
We should encourage them to explore their interests, even if they differ drastically from our own.
By embracing this truth, we can foster a healthier relationship with our children—one that honors their autonomy and encourages them to become their own persons.
7) You can’t protect them from everything
As a parent, your instinct is to protect your child from all harm.
I recall when my son first started school; I wanted to shield him from any potential hurt or disappointment.
However, I quickly realized that this wasn’t feasible or beneficial.
The uncomfortable truth is that we cannot protect our children from everything.
They will encounter challenges, disappointments, and even heartbreaks. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s essential for their growth and resilience.
Facing adversity helps children develop coping mechanisms and resilience.
It’s not about avoiding negative experiences, but rather learning how to navigate them.
While it’s difficult to watch our children struggle, keep in mind that these experiences shape them into stronger, more resilient individuals.
As parents, we can create a safe space for them to share their feelings and guide them through these challenges.
8) Parenting can be lonely
Despite being surrounded by little ones constantly demanding your attention, parenting can feel incredibly isolating.
We get so absorbed in our children’s world that we lose touch with our own.
Friends, hobbies, and personal interests can take a backseat, leading to feelings of loneliness and disconnect.
Whether it’s feeling like no one understands your struggles, lacking time for your own social life, or simply missing the freedom and autonomy you once enjoyed, parenting can sometimes feel isolating.
This experience is common among many parents.
It’s important to acknowledge these feelings instead of suppressing them.
Reach out to other parents who may be going through similar challenges.
Consider joining support groups or online communities where you can share your experiences and emotions.
Reflection: Parenting is a journey, not a destination
At the end of the day, parenting is a unique journey, marked by its own highs and lows.
It presents a learning curve where you grow alongside your child.
These uncomfortable truths about parenting aren’t meant to discourage or frighten you.
Rather, they remind you that it’s perfectly okay to be imperfect, to not have all the answers, and to seek help when necessary.
In reflecting on these truths, remember that every parent is doing their best.
Practice kindness toward yourself, forgive your mistakes, and celebrate your victories—no matter how small.
Parenting isn’t about reaching a destination; it’s about appreciating the journey and embracing the growth that comes with it.
