As individuals, we all seek love, respect, and understanding in our relationships.
Unfortunately, these essential aspects can be distorted or entirely missing when dealing with a narcissistic partner.
Narcissistic partners are notorious for their manipulative tactics, often resorting to calculated strategies to regain control after a breakup.
These methods can be so subtle and guised under pretense of love and remorse that they become hard to identify.
Drawing from the principles of psychology, we’ve gathered nine common tactics your narcissistic ex may use to lure you back into their web.
So, buckle up and read on to arm yourself with knowledge against such manipulations.
1) They bombard with grand gestures
Grand gestures aren’t always a sign of genuine love or remorse. In the case of a narcissistic partner, they can be strategic actions designed to reel you back in.
Immediately after a breakup, your narcissistic ex might try to woo you back with elaborate displays of affection. This could range from lavish gifts and unexpected surprises to grand declarations of love on social media.
On surface, these gestures might seem like they’re filled with regret and longing.
However, it’s essential to understand that for a narcissist, these actions are often less about you and more about regaining control and maintaining their image.
They might use these grand gestures to create a narrative that paints them as the loving, heartbroken ex who’s willing to go above and beyond for reconciliation.
2) They manipulate your emotions
Emotional manipulation is a common tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. After a breakup, they might use this to play on your empathy and compassion to draw you back.
Your narcissistic ex might appear devastated, claiming that they can’t live without you or that you’re the only person who truly understands them.
They might weave tales of feeling lost and alone, effectively turning themselves into the victim, and you, the only possible savior.
This kind of emotional manipulation can be hard to resist, especially if you’ve cared deeply for this person.
You need to be aware that this tactic is designed to exploit your kindness and love, with the goal of pulling you back under their control.
3) They agree with the breakup
Surprisingly, one of the tactics a narcissistic partner might employ is agreeing with the breakup.
Instead of fighting it, they might seem unusually calm or even supportive about your decision to part ways.
They might say things like “Maybe you’re right, we need time apart” or “I understand why you want to break up, and I respect your choice”.
This unexpected agreeability can catch you off guard and make you question your decision.
Underneath this apparent understanding and acceptance, however, is often a calculated move.
By agreeing with the breakup, they create an illusion of maturity and understanding, which might make them seem more attractive to you.
It’s a subtle way of making you second guess your decision and perhaps even reconsider the breakup.
4) They use the past
Your narcissistic ex might attempt to use shared memories and past experiences to reel you back in.
They might bring up inside jokes, reminisce about good times, and express longing for “how things used to be.”
This emotional tug at your shared history can be incredibly potent.
You might find yourself feeling nostalgic or even missing the good times you had together. It’s a raw, honest tactic that plays on your emotions and can make it difficult to maintain your resolve.
Don’t let nostalgia cloud your judgment or trick you into going back to a toxic situation.
5) They show a sudden change
It’s not uncommon for a narcissistic ex to showcase a sudden change in their behavior after a breakup.
They might start acting kinder, more understanding, or even seemingly more empathetic.
They might apologize profusely and admit to their past mistakes, promising they’ve changed and learned from the experience.
This sudden ‘transformation’ can be incredibly appealing, especially when it aligns with the changes you long wished for during your relationship.
While people indeed can change, it’s important to tread carefully.
Genuine change requires time and consistent effort. A sudden shift in behavior immediately after a breakup might be a manipulative tactic to win you back, rather than a genuine reflection of personal growth.
6) They play the jealousy card
One of the most relatable tactics a narcissistic partner might use is to try to make you jealous.
They might start flaunting a new relationship or a sudden surge in their social life on social media, making sure you see how “happy” they are without you.
They might post pictures from parties, new hobbies, or even with potential romantic interests to provoke a reaction from you. The aim is to make you feel like you’re missing out or that they’re better off without you.
While it’s natural to feel a pang of jealousy or discomfort seeing these posts, remember that it’s often a performance designed to elicit a response.
Don’t let their attempts to incite jealousy sway your decision to move on.
7) They become your biggest fan
Suddenly, your narcissistic ex might transform into your biggest supporter, cheering you on in ways they never did during the relationship.
They might start complimenting your achievements, praising your skills, or even showing interest in your passions. It’s as if they’ve become the perfect, supportive partner you always wanted them to be.
While this sudden change of heart might seem charming and even flattering, it’s important to remember that it could be another tactic to win you back.
After all, who doesn’t like to be showered with compliments and support?
Just remember to take it with a pinch of salt and not let their newfound admiration cloud your judgement.
8) They threaten self-harm
This next tactic is a serious one, and it’s crucial to handle it with care.
In their desperation to get you back, a narcissistic ex might resort to threats of self-harm.
They might hint at or explicitly state that they’re thinking of hurting themselves because they can’t cope with the breakup.
This can be incredibly distressing and manipulative, and it’s designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for their wellbeing.
If this happens, please remember that you are not equipped or obligated to handle this situation alone.
Reach out to a trusted adult, mental health professional, or even the authorities if you believe they are in immediate danger.
It’s not your responsibility to save them – prioritizing your own mental and emotional health is not selfish, it’s necessary.
9) They promise to change
The most common, and perhaps most powerful, tactic a narcissistic ex might use is the promise of change.
They might swear they’ve seen the error of their ways and pledge to be a better person for you.
They might list all the things they plan to do differently and paint a picture of a happier, healthier relationship if you were to get back together.
This promise can be incredibly tempting, especially if it addresses all the issues that led to the breakup.
Buy never forget that actions speak louder than words. It’s easy to promise change, but it’s much harder to actually do it.
Genuine change takes time and consistent effort. Don’t let a simple promise sway you – look for tangible evidence of change instead. And above all, trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being.
Parting thoughts
Being involved with a narcissistic partner can be a complex and draining experience.
According to insights shared in the American Psychological Association article on narcissism, narcissistic traits often include a need for admiration and a lack of empathy, which can make relationships challenging and may lead to manipulative cycles that are difficult to break.
If you recognize the behaviors discussed in this article, remember that you’re not alone.
Many people encounter similar dynamics, and resources are available to help.
Narcissistic partners may use charm or control tactics to draw you back in, but it’s essential to remember why the relationship ended.
Prioritizing your well-being is crucial in these situations, even if moving on feels challenging.
Cutting ties might seem daunting, but as the APA article notes, seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be beneficial during this process.
As you reflect on this experience, take time to consider what you truly want in a partnership. Moving forward, use these insights as a foundation to pursue healthier relationships where you feel valued, respected, and genuinely loved.
After all, you deserve nothing less.
