When it comes to building a healthy, lasting relationship, what you don’t do can be just as important as what you do.
While love, trust, and communication are key components of a strong partnership, certain behaviors can silently undermine even the best relationships.
According to psychologists, people in healthy relationships actively avoid behaviors that erode trust, respect, and emotional safety.
In this article, we’ll explore eight critical behaviors that people in thriving relationships simply don’t engage in.
1) They don’t play the blame game
In healthy relationships, you won’t hear phrases like, “Just because I didn’t…”
It’s not about dodging responsibilities or making the other person feel guilty for having needs and wants.
For instance, if you ask your partner to help with the dishes and it’s not done yet, a healthy response isn’t, “Just because I didn’t do it when you asked doesn’t mean I won’t do it.”
This kind of response can make you feel like you’re being unreasonable or demanding, when in reality, you’re just communicating a need.
People in healthy relationships understand that they’re a team.
They don’t manipulate each other’s feelings or turn simple requests into emotional battlegrounds. You won’t find yourself apologizing for asking basic things.
Why? Because your needs matter too.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. Playing the blame game is just not part of the equation.
2) They don’t avoid conflict
In a healthy relationship, partners don’t shy away from conflict.
It might seem more peaceful to sweep issues under the rug, but this can actually lead to resentment and bigger problems down the line.
According to John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, it’s not the presence of conflict that stresses the relationship, it’s the manner in which the couple responds.
Positive conflict resolution is key.
This means listening to your partner’s perspective, expressing your own feelings without blaming or criticizing, and working together to find a solution.
So, instead of avoiding disagreements, people in healthy relationships face them head-on.
They see them as opportunities for growth and understanding each other better.
It’s about navigating the rough waters together, not just sailing smoothly all the time.
3) They don’t hold onto past mistakes
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes.
But in a healthy relationship, partners don’t keep a mental list of past errors to bring up during arguments.
Sure, it’s natural to feel hurt or upset when your partner messes up.
But once the issue is discussed and resolved, let go.
Holding onto past mistakes is like carrying a weight that gradually pulls the relationship down.
Instead, there should be an understanding that we all stumble sometimes.
There’s forgiveness, not just in words, but genuinely reflected in actions.
There’s space for learning and growing together, rather than punishing each other for slip-ups.
No one is perfect, not even in the healthiest of relationships.
What matters most is how we choose to respond to those imperfections.
It’s about extending grace and understanding, just as you’d hope your partner would do for you.
4) They don’t keep score
Imagine this: you washed the dishes yesterday, so it’s your partner’s turn today.
But they’ve had a long day at work and are really tired. Do you insist it’s their turn or do you give them a break?
In a healthy relationship, it’s not about keeping score.
It’s not about rigidly sticking to ‘I did it last time, so you do it this time’.
Relationships aren’t a game where one must tally points to decide who’s ahead.
Instead, it’s about supporting each other.
If your partner is exhausted, you might wash the dishes even if it’s not ‘your turn’.
And you trust that when you’re the one who’s been through a lot, your partner will do the same for you.
5) They don’t make assumptions
Ever had a moment where you thought your partner should just ‘know’ what you’re feeling or thinking?
I remember a time when I was upset about something and expected my partner to automatically understand why, without me verbalizing it.
In a healthy relationship, partners don’t make assumptions about each other’s thoughts or feelings.
They communicate openly and directly, rather than expecting mind reading.
It’s all about clear communication.
Instead of assuming your partner knows why you’re upset, you explain it to them. Instead of guessing what your partner is thinking, you ask them.
Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.
Clear and open communication, on the other hand, fosters understanding and closeness.
It’s about being open, honest, and direct with each other, every step of the way.
6) They don’t neglect their own needs
Listen, being in a relationship doesn’t mean losing yourself or giving up your own needs and wants.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that love means self-sacrifice to the point of self-neglect, but that’s not healthy or sustainable.
In a strong relationship, both partners understand the importance of taking care of their own needs, too.
It’s not selfish to take time for self-care or to pursue your own interests and hobbies. In fact, it’s essential.
Neglecting your own needs can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of identity.
So remember, it’s perfectly okay to prioritize yourself. Your well-being is just as important as your partner’s, and a truly healthy relationship allows space for both.
7) They don’t lose sight of respect
Amid all the ups and downs, laughs and tears, one thing remains constant in a healthy relationship: respect.
It’s the cornerstone of any strong partnership.
Healthy relationships are not built on love alone.
There needs to be a fundamental respect for each other’s individuality, feelings, thoughts, and needs.
This respect is reflected in how you communicate, how you resolve conflicts, and how you support each other.
No matter what, in a healthy relationship, partners don’t belittle each other, dismiss each other’s feelings or treat each other unkindly.
They value each other as individuals and as partners.
At the end of the day, it all circles back to respect.
Conclusion
Choosing not to engage in these negative patterns is what helps maintain the emotional safety, trust, and respect necessary for a lasting partnership.
By avoiding things like the blame game, scorekeeping, or assuming their partner’s thoughts, people in strong relationships create a foundation where both individuals can thrive as equals.
What makes these behaviors so essential to avoid is their cumulative impact.
Even small, seemingly harmless actions, like holding onto past mistakes or neglecting one’s own needs, can slowly erode the foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Healthy couples understand that relationships require constant nurturing, not just through acts of love and support, but by actively choosing not to engage in behaviors that diminish the connection.
By being mindful of these behaviors, couples not only protect their bond but also create an environment where growth, understanding, and respect flourish—key ingredients for any enduring, meaningful relationship.
