For a long time, I couldn’t understand why narcissists acted the way they did.
You know who I’m talking about:
- The self-centered ones
- Those who thrive on admiration
- The ones who lack empathy
- And those who seemingly have an inflated sense of self-importance.
Yet, beneath all their bravado and grandiosity, I felt something was off. But I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a keen psychology enthusiast, and for years, I’ve been fascinated by the human mind and its complexities. Particularly when it comes to narcissism.
It wasn’t until I delved deeper into the world of psychology that I stumbled upon a surprising truth: beneath all that exterior confidence, most narcissists feel deeply insecure.
In this article, I will reveal the 6 things most narcissists feel deeply insecure about, according to psychology. Let’s dive in.
1) Perceived superiority
The first insecurity that struck me about narcissists was the constant need to be perceived as superior.
It seems paradoxical, doesn’t it? After all, they project such an image of confidence and grandiosity. But the reality, as I discovered, is quite different.
According to psychology, this show of superiority is often a defense mechanism to hide deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
Narcissists constantly compare themselves to others and feel threatened by anyone who appears more successful or capable than they are.
Their need for admiration is insatiable, but underneath it all, there’s this gnawing fear of not being good enough.
So, if you come across someone who always needs to be the best, the smartest, or the most important person in the room, remember this: it might just be a mask they’re wearing to hide their own insecurities.
Understanding this can be a stepping stone towards dealing with narcissistic individuals more effectively.
2) Fear of exposure
I can remember a colleague of mine, always the loudest in the room and quick to brag about his accomplishments. But when it came to taking responsibility for any mistakes, he would quickly shift the blame onto someone else.
It was baffling at first, until I realized what was going on beneath the surface: He was terrified that people would see him as flawed or, worse, ordinary.
This fear of exposure is deeply rooted in a narcissist’s psyche. They’re constantly anxious about their imperfections being revealed, as they believe this would shatter the ideal image they’ve worked so hard to construct.
As renowned psychologist Carl Jung said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” For narcissists, this acceptance is particularly daunting as it threatens their sense of superiority and control.
Remembering this can help you better understand and navigate interactions with those who exhibit narcissistic tendencies.
3) Sensitivity to criticism
I recall an old friend of mine who was charismatic, confident, and seemingly full of self-belief. But the moment he faced any form of criticism or disagreement, he would become defensive and often respond with anger or hostility.
At first, I thought it was just his fiery personality. But as I delved more into psychology, I understood that his reactions were a result of deep-seated insecurities.
Narcissists can’t handle criticism because it’s a direct threat to their inflated sense of self. Even the slightest negative feedback can feel like a personal attack, leading them to react disproportionately.
This sensitivity to criticism is another mask for their insecurity and fear of not living up to their own or others’ expectations.
Next time you encounter someone who reacts negatively to criticism, know that it could be a reflection of their own insecurity rather than a true assessment of your feedback.
4) Lack of genuine self-esteem
This might sound surprising, given the apparent self-assuredness of narcissists. But beneath that confident facade, there’s often a void of true self-worth.
A study published in the Journal of Personality (Zeigler-Hill, 2013) found that narcissists often have high but fragile self-esteem. They ‘appear’ confident because they’re constantly seeking validation and approval from others to prop up their shaky self-worth.
I once had a boss who was the epitome of this. She was always boasting about her achievements and seeking affirmation from the team.
But when faced with a challenging situation, she would crumble and lash out at others, revealing her lack of genuine self-confidence.
This lack of authentic self-esteem is another insecurity that narcissists grapple with, hidden behind their grandiose exterior. Recognizing this can help us better understand their behavior and react with empathy rather than frustration.
5) Fear of rejection and abandonment
Beneath the narcissist’s show of self-sufficiency, there often lies a fear of being left alone or unloved. They crave constant attention and admiration from others to stave off feelings of loneliness and unworthiness.
I once dated someone who could best be described as a narcissist. She was always the life of the party, constantly seeking attention and validation. But when we were alone, she would become deeply insecure and fearful that I might leave her.
This fear of abandonment is another hidden insecurity of many narcissists. It’s a vulnerability they desperately try to hide, but it often manifests in their need for constant reassurance and validation.
Understanding this can help us approach interactions with empathy and patience, recognizing that beneath the surface bravado lies a deeply ingrained fear.
6) Insecurity about physical appearance
A personal acquaintance of mine, a classic narcissist, was extremely conscious about his looks. He would spend hours grooming himself and was never seen without being impeccably dressed. Any slight hint at him not looking his best would send him into a tailspin of insecurity.
This obsession with physical appearance is rooted in the narcissist’s need for admiration and approval. They often view their bodies as objects to be perfected and displayed, rather than accepting and loving themselves as they are.
For narcissists, self-compassion often takes a backseat to their relentless pursuit of perfection.
Remembering this can help us respond with understanding when dealing with individuals who exhibit these traits.
Conclusion
Understanding the deep-seated insecurities of narcissists can be a game-changer in how we interact with them.
Beneath their confident exterior, they are often grappling with feelings of inadequacy, fear, and self-doubt.
The next time you encounter a narcissist, try to approach the situation with empathy and patience. Recognize their behavior as a defense mechanism rather than a personal attack.
And most importantly, maintain your own self-esteem and boundaries.
Dealing with narcissists can be challenging, but by understanding their insecurities and responding appropriately, you’ll be better equipped to handle these interactions in a healthy way.
Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. A little understanding goes a long way.
