There’s a world of difference between being humble and doubting your own worth.
This distinction often boils down to self-belief. A woman who’s simply modest knows her value but chooses not to flaunt it. Meanwhile, a woman with low self-belief struggles to see her own worth, even if it’s glaringly obvious to others.
Psychology tells us that this lack of self-belief can manifest in subtle, often overlooked signs. And those of us who care about the women in our lives, need to be able to spot these signs.
So, let’s delve into the eight subtle signs of very low self-belief in a woman, as explained by psychology. It’s time we start seeing and understanding these signs for what they are – a cry for help and understanding.
1) Constant self-deprecation
There’s a thin line between being self-deprecating for humor’s sake and doing it out of a deep-seated lack of self-belief.
Women with low self-belief often use self-deprecating humor as a shield. It’s a way to beat others to the punch, to criticize themselves before anyone else can.
This isn’t just about making a joke at their own expense every now and then. This is about a constant stream of self-deprecating comments that underline a sense of worthlessness.
Psychology points out that this isn’t just lighthearted humor – it’s a sign of a deeper issue.
As Elizabeth Plumptre writes in Very Well Mind, “Being the regular butt of jokes and constantly putting oneself down in front of others can become internalized attacks. Where this happens, self-esteem and self-perception may suffer.”
It’s not about stopping someone from cracking jokes about themselves. It’s about understanding when this humor masks a severe lack of self-belief, and helping them navigate through it.
2) Apologizing excessively
I had a friend, let’s call her Jane. Jane was one of the kindest, most considerate people I knew. But I noticed something – she apologized. A lot.
It could be for the smallest things – bumping lightly into a chair, arriving exactly on time but not early, asking a question in a meeting. It was as though she felt she was constantly inconveniencing others.
According to Better Help, “One may over-apologize because they feel unworthy of others’ consideration and respect, pointing to severe issues around self-worth and self-value.”
A study also found that women are more prone to this than men because they have a lower threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior. In other words, they feel they’ve committed more offenses when in reality, they haven’t.
And it’s heartbreaking, because just like Jane, many women don’t realize they’re doing it. Or why it’s a problem.
So let’s be more aware. Let’s stop apologizing for living our lives and start asserting our rightful place in the world.
3) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It shows confidence, self-assuredness, and respect for the person you’re interacting with.
Yet, women with low self-belief often struggle to hold eye contact. They subconsciously believe that they’re not worthy of the other person’s full attention, or that they might be judged or disliked if they assert themselves.
This reluctance to maintain eye contact can be quite subtle, often dismissed as shyness or being introverted. But psychology tells us it’s a telltale sign of low self-esteem.
Research shows that longer eye contact is correlated with a higher sense of self-esteem, and the opposite is true as well.
4) Lack of mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment, accepting it without judgment. It’s a powerful tool in building self-confidence and belief.
However, women with low self-belief often struggle with mindfulness. They’re either ruminating over past mistakes or worrying about future failures, not allowing themselves to truly live in the present.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve into the importance of practicing mindfulness and how it can significantly boost one’s self-esteem.
Halfway through the book, I discuss how a lack of mindfulness can be a subtle sign of low self-belief. Women who struggle with this often find themselves detached from their experiences, not giving themselves the opportunity to learn and grow from them.
The journey to mindfulness isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to reclaim self-belief and embrace life with renewed confidence.
5) Hesitation to accept compliments
There was a time when compliments made me uncomfortable. I’d brush them off, downplay them, or even reject them outright. It was as if I didn’t believe I deserved them.
This is a common occurrence in women with low self-belief. Compliments can feel alien, almost as if they’re meant for someone else. It’s as though they can’t accept the fact that they have qualities or achievements worth praising.
According to psychology, this inability to accept compliments gracefully can point to a deeper issue of low self-worth. When you don’t think highly of yourself, a compliment can feel uncomfortable because it challenges your self-views.
So, next time you receive a compliment, try to resist the urge to dismiss it. Instead, remember that you deserve praise just as much as anyone else does.
6) Overcompensating with perfectionism
At first glance, perfectionism may seem like a sign of high self-belief. After all, isn’t it just holding yourself to high standards?
But in reality, it can often be the opposite. Perfectionism can stem from a fear of making mistakes, a fear of being judged or not being good enough. It’s an exhausting endeavor, always striving for an unattainable ideal.
Women with low self-belief often fall into this trap. They believe that they must be flawless to be valued or accepted.
Psychology calls this “maladaptive perfectionism“, a counter-intuitive sign of low self-esteem.
While striving for excellence can be healthy, the relentless pursuit of perfection can trap them in a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety. Every tiny flaw feels magnified, every mistake, a catastrophe.
Instead of celebrating their accomplishments, they focus on what could have been better, eroding their self-worth bit by bit.
Letting go of this need to be perfect isn’t easy, but it’s essential for embracing true self-belief — one that’s grounded in acceptance and resilience, not in an illusion of flawlessness.
7) Difficulty in saying ‘no’
Saying ‘no’ can be surprisingly hard, especially for women with low self-belief. They often find themselves agreeing to things they don’t want to do, just to avoid conflict or displeasing others.
This inability to set boundaries stems from a fear of rejection or a belief that their needs and desires aren’t as important as those of others.
But what they don’t realize is that the ability to say ‘no’ is crucial for maintaining our mental health and self-esteem. It’s about respecting our own time, energy, and needs.
If you struggle with this yourself, let this be a reminder that “no” is a powerful word. Because standing up for ourselves is an important step towards building a strong sense of self-belief.
8) Neglecting self-care
Lastly, when a woman constantly neglects her own needs, putting everyone else’s well-being before her own, it’s a glaring sign of low self-belief.
She may believe that she’s not worthy of care or that her needs aren’t important. This can manifest in neglecting physical health, emotional well-being, and personal interests.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. It’s a powerful affirmation of our own worth and an essential aspect of building self-belief.
So, prioritize self-care. Encourage the women around you to do the same. We all deserve the kind of love and care we often extend to other people.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
Self-belief, or the lack thereof, is not a fixed state. It’s a journey, a constant process of learning and growing.
Understanding these subtle signs is the first step towards helping ourselves and the women in our lives to foster a stronger sense of self-belief. To acknowledge our worth, to respect our needs, to accept our imperfections.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve into various strategies that can help in this journey towards self-belief. It’s about being present in each moment, accepting ourselves for who we are, and acknowledging that we are enough.
The road to self-belief is not an easy one. It requires patience, compassion, and mindfulness. But it’s a journey worth taking because at the end of it lies the greatest gift we can give ourselves – the belief in our own worth.
