There’s a fine line between looking out for oneself and being inherently selfish.
Selfishness isn’t always glaring. In fact, it often hides in subtle behaviors that psychology has come to recognize.
These behaviors are like telltale signs, giving away the self-centered mindset of an individual, often without them even knowing it.
In this article, we’re going to explore 10 of these subtle behaviors of inherently selfish people. Let’s dive in and see what psychology has to say about these signs.
1) They rarely give credit where it’s due
Ever noticed how some people seem to always downplay the achievements of others? That’s not just a quirk, but a sign of inherent selfishness.
Those who are inherently selfish have a tendency to focus primarily on their own accomplishments while neglecting the contributions of others.
It’s as if they believe that acknowledging someone else’s success might somehow diminish their own.
This behavior is a classic example of what psychologist Abraham Maslow referred to as “deficiency needs”.
When you encounter someone who consistently fails to recognize the efforts or achievements of others, it might be because they’re more focused on their own deficiencies and needs.
Appreciation goes a long way in building healthy relationships. But for the inherently selfish person, this concept often remains out of reach.
2) They have a knack for turning the conversation back to themselves
We all know that person, don’t we? The one who can turn any conversation – no matter the topic – back to themselves. I remember a friend of mine who had this uncanny ability.
We would be chatting about a mutual friend’s new job, and suddenly we’d be talking about his own career achievements.
This self-centered behavior is another subtle sign of inherent selfishness. It demonstrates a lack of genuine interest in others and an overwhelming preoccupation with one’s own life.
Carl Jung, the renowned psychologist, once said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
Selfish individuals often exhibit this behavior because they are inherently insecure and crave validation.
They struggle with accepting themselves as they are and use conversation as a means to constantly seek approval and validation.
Next time you’re in a conversation with someone who consistently shifts the focus back to themselves, remember it might be more than just a conversational habit.
3) They’re stingy with their time
Have you ever felt like you’re not worth someone’s time? It’s a horrible feeling, isn’t it? The truth is, inherently selfish people are often stingy with their time, seeing it as a commodity that only they should benefit from.
I once had a colleague who was always too busy to help others.
Whether it was helping with a project or just lending an ear to a coworker in need, he always had an excuse. His time was apparently too precious to be ‘wasted’ on others.
This stinginess stems from a self-centered view of the world. As the famous psychologist Gordon Allport once said, “So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.”
They lack this ability to laugh off life’s complexities and instead hoard their time, fearful of even the slightest inconvenience.
The lesson here is – if someone continually makes you feel like you’re not worth their time, it may be a sign of their inherent selfishness.
Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from such negativity.
4) They’re quick to blame others
We’ve all met someone who never seems to take responsibility for their own actions, haven’t we? I had a classmate in college who was always quick to point fingers at others when things went wrong.
Whether it was a failed group project or just a simple misunderstanding, it was always someone else’s fault.
This tendency to blame others and avoid personal responsibility is a telltale sign of selfish behavior.
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, once said, “The first requisite of civilization is that of justice.” But inherently selfish people often lack this sense of justice.
They’re more focused on protecting their image than owning up to their faults or considering the feelings of others.
5) They often play the victim
Here’s a bit of a curveball.
You’d assume selfish people would always want to be seen as strong and independent, right? Well, oddly enough, they often resort to playing the victim.
I knew a woman once who would always portray herself as the victim, no matter the situation. It was as if she thrived on the sympathy and attention it brought her.
This behavior is a form of manipulation; by playing the victim, selfish individuals can twist situations to suit their narrative and gain attention or evade responsibility.
Famed psychologist Albert Bandura once said, “People not only gain understanding through reflection, they evaluate and alter their own thinking.”
Inherently selfish people often skip this self-reflection, choosing instead to paint themselves as victims to avoid confronting their flaws.
When you see someone constantly playing the victim, take a step back. It could very well be a sign of their inherent selfishness.
6) They lack empathy
A glaring sign of inherent selfishness is a lack of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, but for the inherently selfish, this trait is often missing.
This lack of empathy means that they struggle to see things from another’s perspective or share in their emotions.
It’s not that they can’t – it’s more that they choose not to because it doesn’t serve their self-interest.
The renowned psychologist, Carl Rogers, once said, “Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.”
Unfortunately, for inherently selfish individuals, it’s not about understanding others; it’s all about them.
7) They’re frequently envious
Another surprising sign of inherent selfishness is frequent envy. Selfish people often can’t stand to see others succeed or enjoy something they don’t have.
It’s as if someone else’s happiness somehow takes away from their own.
I recall a former colleague who was always envious of others’ success. If someone got a promotion, he’d become sullen and distant, unable to share in their joy.
This behavior is firmly rooted in selfishness. As the famous psychologist Alfred Adler put it, “It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.”
It’s easier to be envious than to work on improving themselves or being happy for others.
It could be more than just competitiveness. It might be a sign of their inherent selfishness.
8) They’re overly controlling
Inherently selfish people often have a need to control everything around them. It’s their way or the highway.
They struggle to compromise or consider others’ needs, which can make them difficult to deal with.
I’ve had personal experience with this. I once dated someone who wanted to control everything from our weekend plans to the way I dressed.
It took me a while to realize that this was not about care or concern, but about control rooted in selfishness.
Their need for control is an extension of their ego and self-centeredness.
Next time you encounter someone who seems overly controlling, remember that it might not be about leadership or organization. It could be a sign of their inherent selfishness.
9) They’re overly generous… conditionally
Here’s a counterintuitive one – inherently selfish people can be overly generous, but there’s often a catch. Their generosity usually comes with strings attached.
Think about that person who always insists on picking up the tab, but then expects you to return the favor in some way. Or the friend who gives lavish gifts, only to hold it over your head later.
This conditional generosity is a form of control and manipulation, and it’s all about serving their own interests.
As psychologist Erich Fromm once said, “Giving is the highest expression of potency… Giving is more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness.”
Unfortunately, for selfish individuals, this joy of giving is often tainted by their own self-serving motives.
10) They’re poor listeners
Ever tried having a conversation with someone who just doesn’t seem to listen? It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
This lack of active listening is another subtle sign of inherent selfishness.
I remember a friend who would always be on her phone while we talked. She’d nod occasionally, but I could tell she wasn’t really listening.
It wasn’t that she was bad at multitasking; she just didn’t value what others had to say as much as her own thoughts or activities.
Selfish people often believe they’ve communicated effectively when in reality, they’ve only been hearing their own voices.
If you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t seem to listen or value your input, it might not be just rudeness. It could be a telltale sign of their inherent selfishness.
