If you’re a parent to an adult child, you may have noticed some shifts in your relationship. It’s a complex dance of intimacy and independence that can leave you feeling a little perplexed.
You might see signs of love and affection one moment, then a sudden need for distance the next. It can be hard not to take it personally.
But rest assured, this push-and-pull is often a normal part of growing up. It’s not a slight against your parenting or a rejection of your love.
In fact, it might just be an indication that your child is maturing and trying to navigate their own path in life.
Psychology offers some insights into this behavior. So, let’s delve into these signs to help you understand it better.
1) They’re establishing boundaries
If your adult child is setting clear boundaries, it can seem a little jarring at first, especially if you’re used to having a certain level of involvement in their life.
They might insist on making their own decisions, from small things like what to cook for dinner, to larger life choices like career moves or relationships.
They might also ask for more privacy or prefer to spend time alone.
In these moments, it’s essential not to take it personally. This is often a sign that your child is growing into their own person and trying to establish their independence.
Setting boundaries is a healthy part of adult relationships, including those between parents and their grown-up children.
If your adult child is drawing lines in the sand, it doesn’t mean they love you any less. It’s just their way of expressing their need for space.
2) They seek your advice less often
When your adult child starts making decisions without seeking your advice as they once did, it can feel like a blow. You might begin to question if they still value your wisdom or if they’re pulling away.
The truth is, this is a positive sign of their development and maturity. It means they’re confident enough to solve problems and make decisions on their own.
They’re using the skills and values you’ve instilled in them over the years.
This doesn’t mean they love you any less or don’t respect your opinions. Instead, it’s an indication that they’re stepping into their own independence and taking responsibility for their actions.
Part of loving someone is trusting them to make their own decisions.
While it might feel strange at first, seeing your child rely less on your advice can be a testament to the good job you’ve done raising them.
3) They communicate less frequently
You might notice that your adult child isn’t reaching out as often as they used to. Phone calls, text messages, or visits might become less frequent, and this can stir up feelings of worry or rejection.
However, a decrease in communication isn’t necessarily a bad sign. As children grow into adults, the frequency of communication with parents often decreases.
This is a normal part of their journey towards independence and self-reliance.
This doesn’t mean that your child doesn’t want to talk to you or share their life with you. Rather, it’s a sign that they’re growing comfortable with managing their own affairs.
They know you’re there if they need you, but they’re also learning to navigate the world on their own terms.
Whenever your adult child is communicating less frequently, it may simply be a sign that they’re taking steps towards becoming their own person.
4) They express discomfort with too much affection
As your child grows older, they might start to feel uncomfortable with the overt expressions of affection they once welcomed as a child.
Hugs, kisses, or terms of endearment may not be as well received as they once were.
This shift can feel a little hurtful – after all, you’re just expressing your love for them. But it’s crucial to remember that this isn’t a rejection of your love or an indication that they love you any less.
Their comfort levels are changing, and this is a normal part of maturing.
They’re developing their own ways of expressing and receiving love. It’s about respecting their personal space and understanding their comfort zones.
Don’t worry, your bond with your child is still strong. It’s just evolving in new ways that reflect their growth into adulthood.
5) They’re more private about their personal life
Remember the days when your child used to share every little detail of their day with you?
Those times when they’d excitedly tell you about their latest school crush or the drama with their friends?
As an adult, they might become more private about these aspects of their life. They may not share as much about their relationships, work issues, or personal challenges.
This newfound privacy isn’t a sign of rejection or a lack of love. Instead, it’s a sign that your child is developing their individuality and a sense of personal privacy.
While it can be hard not to know every detail of their life anymore, it’s important to remember that this is a normal part of adulthood.
It’s a sign that they’re learning to handle their own issues and navigate life’s ups and downs independently.
Even if your adult child is becoming more private, know that it’s not about pushing you away.
It’s about them coming into their own as an adult and learning to handle life on their own terms.
6) They prefer spending holidays or special events with friends
You’ve always had a tradition of spending every holiday together as a family, from Christmas to birthdays. But lately, your adult child seems to prefer celebrating these special occasions with their friends.
Take, for example, a mother who cooked her child’s favorite dishes every birthday, only to find that her adult child now prefers to go out with their friends on these special days.
It can feel like a rejection, but it’s not.
This change is usually just about creating new traditions and experiences. As they grow, your child is forming their own social circle and creating memories with those around them.
It’s not a reflection of their love for you or your family traditions, but rather a sign of them branching out and making their own way.
Even though they’re making new traditions, the memories and love they have for the family traditions you’ve created will always hold a special place in their heart.
7) They push back against unsolicited advice
As a parent, it’s natural to want to guide your child, even when they’re all grown up. But you may find your adult child bristling at your well-meaning advice.
It might feel like they’re rejecting your wisdom, but it’s more complex than that.
Your adult child is learning to trust their own judgement and make their own decisions.
They’re figuring out what works for them and what doesn’t, and sometimes, that means making mistakes and learning from them.
It can be hard to watch from the sidelines, especially when you think you know a better way. But part of their growth involves exploring different paths and finding their own way in the world.
The next time they push back against your advice, remember that it’s not about you or your wisdom. It’s about them finding their footing in this world as an independent adult.
8) They express gratitude differently
As an adult, your child may express their appreciation and love for you in ways different from what you’re used to.
Instead of the handmade cards or hugs they gave as kids, they might show their gratitude through thoughtful actions or words of affirmation.
Imagine a father who used to receive colorful drawings from his little girl as a token of love. Now as an adult, she expresses her love by checking in on him regularly or helping him with technology.
This shift in expressing gratitude isn’t a sign of dwindling affection, but rather an evolution of their love language as they mature.
Love and gratitude can be expressed in countless ways. Even if it’s unlike the way they used to show it, the love your adult child has for you remains.
It is their unique way of saying “I love you” in their grown-up language.
Conclusion
Being a parent to an adult child is a journey of constant learning and adaptation. It can be a confusing, emotional, yet gratifying experience.
This article aimed to shed light on the signs that your adult child loves you but also needs their space.
Remember each relationship is unique and these signs may manifest differently for everyone.
Never forget, their journey towards independence is a reflection of the values and strength you’ve instilled in them. It’s a testament to their growth and your guidance.
In this dance of growing up, it’s important to respect their space, encourage their independence, and cherish the evolving relationship you share.
After all, love isn’t always about holding on tightly; sometimes it’s about knowing when to let go.
Here’s to navigating this beautiful journey with grace and understanding!
