Imagine noticing that your partner seems a little too close to a “friend”—late-night texts, inside jokes, or even small moments of secrecy.
While friendships are healthy, sometimes they can start to infringe on the intimacy reserved for a romantic relationship.
In fact, there are certain behaviors that can signal an emotional closeness that goes beyond typical friendship, which may be worth examining. Here are seven subtle signs that their “platonic” friendship might be affecting your relationship.
1) They spend an excessive amount of time together
Now, don’t get me wrong.
It’s perfectly normal for friends to spend time together. But if your partner and their so-called “platonic” friend are almost inseparable, it might raise some eyebrows.
We’re talking about the kind of time spent that starts to interfere with your relationship. If they’re always hanging out, texting, or calling and this starts to cut into the time you and your partner usually spend together, then it’s a concern.
Keep an eye out for changes in patterns too. If they’ve always been close, but suddenly they’re spending even more time together, it could be a red flag.
This isn’t about being possessive or controlling. It’s about acknowledging your feelings and addressing an issue that could potentially harm your relationship.
2) Your gut feeling is nagging at you
Never underestimate the power of intuition.
There was this one time when my partner had a close friend from work.
They got along like a house on fire and they’d spend a lot of time together – lunches, coffee breaks, even after-work drinks. It was all cool until I started getting this nagging feeling.
It wasn’t anything specific they did or said, just a gut feeling that something was off. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I felt uncomfortable whenever they were together.
And guess what? When I finally gathered the courage to voice my concerns, it turned out that my partner also felt there were blurred lines in their friendship and decided to set boundaries.
Your gut feeling is your subconscious picking up on subtle cues that your conscious mind has not yet registered. So if something feels off about your partner’s “platonic” friend, don’t dismiss it.
It could be your intuition trying to tell you something important.
3) They share intimate details about their life
Friendship is a place for sharing, no doubt about it. But there’s a line that separates friendly sharing from intimate sharing, and it’s crucial to recognize when that line is crossed.
Let’s get real here.
If your partner is sharing personal, intimate details of their life – details that you’re not even privy to – with this “platonic” friend, it’s a sign you should be concerned about.
We’re not just talking about work stress or what they had for lunch.
We’re talking deep, personal stuff – fears, dreams, insecurities. The kind of conversations that should ideally be happening between you and your partner.
I’m just going to say it: Intimate conversations can create emotional bonds.
And when they’re happening between your partner and their so-called “platonic” friend, it’s time to have that much-needed conversation.
Don’t ignore this sign under the guise of trust or open-mindedness.
4) They get defensive when you bring up their friend
Communication is the heartbeat of any relationship.
So, when your partner starts getting defensive or evasive when you bring up their friend, it’s a sign you need to pay attention to.
Here’s the thing.
It’s not about launching a full-scale investigation every time their friend’s name pops up in conversation.
But if your partner reacts unusually, like getting irritated, changing the subject quickly, or even accusing you of being jealous for no valid reason, something might be up.
It’s important to note that defensiveness often arises from feelings of guilt or fear. And if your partner is feeling either of these about their “platonic” friend, it’s a cause for concern.
In a healthy relationship, you should be able to openly discuss anything that bothers you. If this isn’t the case, it’s time to take a step back and assess the situation.
5) Your partner’s friend doesn’t seem to like you much
Ever noticed how your partner’s “platonic” friend doesn’t seem to warm up to you the way you’d expect a friend to?
If your partner’s friend has been distant, cold, or outright rude towards you, it might be because they see you as a threat.
While it’s not necessary for every friend of your partner to like you, a consistent lack of warmth or interest from this particular friend could be a sign of hidden motives.
Pay attention to how this friend behaves around you. If they’re always creating an uncomfortable vibe, it might be time to discuss this with your partner.
6) You’re always the third wheel around them
It’s no fun feeling like an outsider, especially when it comes to your own relationship.
Imagine this: You’re all hanging out together, but it feels like you’re intruding on their personal space.
They have inside jokes you don’t get, they communicate with just a look, and often, you feel left out of the conversation. Not a great feeling, right?
We’ve all been there at some point, and it’s tough.
But here’s what you need to remember: Your feelings are valid. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable if your partner and their “platonic” friend seem to share a world that you’re not a part of.
So, don’t brush such instances under the carpet. If you’re feeling like the third wheel more often than not, it’s a sign you should be concerned about.
7) Your partner is less interested in you
This is a big one.
If your partner is showing less interest in you, spending less time with you, or not being as emotionally available as they used to be, it’s a major red flag.
The harsh reality is: If your partner is investing emotional energy into their “platonic” friend, there’s a chance that they might have less to give to you.
Keep an eye on the dynamics of your relationship. If you notice a shift in their attention towards you, it’s time to have an open and honest conversation about your concerns.
The final thought
If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, know that it’s okay to feel concerned.
Remember, your feelings are valid and important. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s crucial to address it rather than brushing it under the carpet.
Navigating through this territory can indeed be tricky. It requires a balance of trust, open communication, and mutual respect. But most importantly, it requires you to trust yourself – your instincts and feelings.
So, take a moment to reflect on your relationship. Are you comfortable with your partner’s “platonic” friend? Does their friendship enhance your relationship or cause discomfort?
Keep in mind that the goal isn’t to control your partner’s friendships but to ensure that their friendships are respectful of your relationship.
