We all want to leave a good impression in social situations, whether it’s at a party, a work meeting, or just catching up with friends.
But sometimes, the things we say—without even thinking—can unintentionally make us seem less approachable or even off-putting.
It’s not about being fake or overly cautious; it’s about being mindful of how our words impact others.
Certain phrases, even if they seem harmless, can create distance, come across as dismissive, or make others feel unheard.
The good news? Avoiding them is often just a matter of shifting your mindset and choosing words that foster connection instead of creating barriers.
In this article, we’ll break down seven common phrases that can hinder your likability and suggest better alternatives to use instead. Small changes in the way you communicate can go a long way in building trust, showing empathy, and leaving a lasting positive impression.
Let’s dive in and discover what to avoid in your next conversation.
1. “I know, right?”
This phrase, seemingly innocent, can actually be a landmine in social situations. It’s often used as an enthusiastic agreement, to show solidarity with the speaker.
But here’s the twist: not everyone sees it that way.
Some people interpret “I know, right?” as dismissive or condescending. It can come across as if you’re implying that their point is so obvious, it’s almost not worth mentioning.
And that’s certainly not the message you want to send if you’re trying to be more likable.
Instead of “I know, right?”, try phrases like “That’s a good point” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way”. These alternatives show that you value the speaker’s thoughts and opinions, thereby increasing your likability.
It might feel unnatural at first, but with time and practice, it becomes second nature. This subtle change in your language can make a world of difference in how others perceive you.
2. “Actually,…”
This one might come as a surprise but hear me out. The word “actually” is often used to correct someone or to share a contrasting opinion.
While it might seem like a harmless word, it can create an unwanted hierarchy in conversation. It can subtly imply that you know better than the person you’re talking to, and that’s rarely an ingredient for likability.
I remember once, I was at a dinner party and a friend was telling an interesting story about her recent trip to Italy. I had been there a few years ago and was eager to share my own experiences.
But instead of waiting for the right moment, I interrupted her mid-sentence with my “Actually…” and started recounting my own adventures.
Instead of drawing her into my story, I saw her expression change from excited sharing to polite listening. That moment stayed with me and made me realize how unintentionally dismissive my ‘actually’ had been.
Now, I try to replace ‘actually’ with phrases like ‘from my experience’ or ‘I had a different perspective’. This way, I can share my viewpoint without diminishing the other person’s experiences or opinions.
3. “Just saying…”
As the famous American poet Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
This quote is a great reminder when it comes to the phrase “just saying…”. This phrase is often used as a disclaimer after making a potentially offensive or controversial statement. It’s almost as if by saying “just saying…”, we’re hoping to absolve ourselves of any negative reactions.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t work that way.
If we’ve said something that upsets someone, adding “just saying…” doesn’t take away the sting. In fact, it often adds to it because it can come off as dismissive of the other person’s feelings.
So be mindful not to use this phrase. If you have a potentially unpopular opinion to share, do so respectfully and be open to dialogue about it.
4. “No offense, but…”
Most people use this as a buffer before saying something that’s likely to hurt or offend someone. But all it really does is signal to the other person that you’re aware your next words might be hurtful…and you’re going to say them anyway.
And that’s not a great way to make yourself likable.
Here’s the thing – according to scientific research, our brains process the negative information first, and more intensely at that. This means that when you say “No offense, but…” the person you’re talking to is already primed to expect something negative.
Why not do away with the phrase completely and just voice your thoughts with empathy and tact? If you’re providing criticism, make sure it’s constructive and helpful. If you’re sharing an unpopular opinion, do so respectfully and be ready to engage in a constructive discussion.
By being mindful of how our words can impact others, we can enhance our likability in social situations. And who knows? We might even learn something new from the discussions that follow.
5. “Whatever”
Following on from the previous points, there’s another phrase that is often overlooked but can be a real conversation killer: “Whatever”.
It’s a word we’ve all used at some point, usually when we’re tired, frustrated, or just don’t know what else to say. But here’s the problem: it can come across as dismissive, uninterested, and even rude.
“Whatever” is often seen as a verbal shrug, a way of saying you don’t care about what’s being discussed. And that’s not a great way to build relationships or be likable.
Instead of resorting to “whatever”, try to engage in the conversation more deeply. Ask questions, show interest, and if you’re really not interested or don’t have anything to add, find a polite way to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Look, being likable is about more than just avoiding certain phrases. It’s about showing genuine interest in others and valuing their thoughts and opinions. And that’s something that can’t be faked.
6. “You always…” or “You never…”
“You always…” and “You never…” are two phrases that most of us have probably used when frustrated or upset.
We throw them out there as a way to express our feelings, without realizing the impact they can have.
The issue with these phrases is that they are absolute statements. They leave no room for exceptions or change. And when someone feels accused or misunderstood, it immediately puts them on the defensive, which is not conducive to a healthy or likable conversation.
Instead of resorting to absolutes like “You always…” or “You never…”, try expressing your feelings without blaming or accusing. Use “I” statements instead, such as “I feel ignored when you don’t respond to my texts” instead of “You never respond to my texts”.
This shift in language promotes understanding and empathy, making your interactions more positive and ultimately, making you more likable in social situations. It’s a small change with a big impact.
7. “It’s just a joke…”
Now, for our final point, let’s talk about a phrase that often causes more harm than amusement: “It’s just a joke…”.
Humor is subjective. What one person finds hilarious, another might find offensive or hurtful. The line between a good-natured jest and an insensitive jab can be thin and blurry. When we cross it and then try to cover it up with “It’s just a joke…”, it can come across as dismissive of the other person’s feelings.
This phrase is often used as a defense mechanism when our attempt at humor falls flat or offends someone. However, using it can make us seem unapologetic and dismissive, which are not qualities associated with likability.
As etiquette coach Candace Smith notes, “Making others smile or laugh is a gift. But using humor in the desire to be a good conversationalist should be attempted with care. When humor is made at the expense of someone else, and when the speaker hasn’t considered the audience or the situation, trouble is on the horizon.”
Instead of using “It’s just a joke…” as an excuse, if your humor offends someone, apologize sincerely and take note of their boundaries. Everyone has a different sense of humor and respecting that can go a long way in making you more likable in social situations.
At the end of the day, being likable isn’t about being perfect or never saying the wrong thing. It’s about acknowledging our mistakes, learning from them, and striving to be better communicators. After all, every conversation is an opportunity for connection – let’s make the most of it.
