I used to dread small talk more than an intense workout.
Whenever I walked into a social event—be it a friend’s birthday or a casual office gathering—my heart would race, and I’d suddenly feel like I was in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons.
Sometimes, I’d catch myself fiddling with my phone or standing near the snack table, hoping someone else would initiate the conversation.
This shyness and awkwardness felt so familiar, but it also held me back from meeting new people or forging deeper connections.
As someone who spent years competing in sports, I was comfortable with physical challenges, yet social settings were another game entirely.
Then one day, I stumbled upon a habit that changed everything: giving a genuine compliment to someone each day.
It wasn’t a grand plan at first, but it quickly became the key to unlocking a new level of ease in my interactions. Here’s how it helped me transform my social life.
How a simple compliment sparked a change
I remember vividly the first time I tried this approach. I was standing in line for coffee, and a woman in front of me wore a bright scarf with a beautiful pattern.
Instead of just admiring it quietly, I took a breath, tapped her lightly on the shoulder, and said, “That scarf is gorgeous. The colors really suit you.”
She lit up in a way I’d never seen before. Suddenly, she seemed more open, and even I felt more relaxed.
That one small act shifted something in me.
I realized it was the first time I had gone out of my way to be friendly without overthinking.
Before that moment, I’d usually wait for others to talk first, or I’d hide behind polite nods and half-smiles.
Giving a compliment wasn’t just about being nice—it forced me to break out of my shell.
It created a moment of genuine warmth with another person, and it reminded me of how powerful even the smallest positive gestures can be.
The ripple effect became clear soon after. I started noticing people’s expressions, clothes, or anything that caught my eye, always searching for something kind to say.
I discovered that, when offered sincerely, a simple compliment is more than words. It’s like an invisible bridge that makes it easier for both sides to engage.
Sharing something uplifting opens a door for conversation, even if it’s just for a moment, and it can leave both parties feeling lighter.
Overcoming fear and self-consciousness
One of my biggest struggles was the nagging fear that I’d come across as awkward or intrusive.
In the past, that worry often convinced me to avoid speaking up, especially around new people.
Complimenting someone daily forced me to confront that anxiety in a gentle, consistent way.
Each time I said something kind, I realized my fears rarely materialized.
Most people were delighted to receive a warm comment, and many would respond by offering something just as friendly in return.
With repetition, that confidence grew. Gradually, I learned to trust my own voice.
I became more comfortable with eye contact, speaking in a relaxed tone, and even allowing for a natural pause without feeling like I had to fill every second with chatter.
I also realized that the sincerity of a compliment matters more than any polished phrasing.
If something truly stands out and you appreciate it, letting the other person know can create an uplifting moment.
On the other hand, if it’s forced or superficial, people sense that, and it can feel awkward.
This discovery made me more attuned to what genuinely impressed or moved me about someone—whether it was their outfit, their humor, or even how they spoke with passion about a topic.
Recognizing these qualities in others helped me see the world in a more positive light, which in turn made it easier to connect.
Building genuine connections
Compliments also taught me a lot about empathy. By looking for something praiseworthy in others, I noticed my perspective expanding.
Instead of focusing on my own nervousness, I began focusing on what could make someone else’s day a little brighter.
This shift from self-consciousness to outward appreciation was more than a quick fix; it changed how I approached conversation as a whole.
When I shared a kind word, I often discovered shared interests, unexpected stories, or engaging viewpoints.
Complimenting someone’s choice of a new hiking trail opened up a chat about their love of the outdoors, which led me to mention my own experiences running trails in Colorado.
Complimenting a coworker’s presentation style uncovered a shared fascination with public speaking techniques.
Little by little, I saw that compliments weren’t just icebreakers—they became the foundation for genuine dialogue.
Research shows that positive social interactions can help reduce anxiety and enhance emotional well-being.
My experience mirrored that. Every time I reached out to offer a sincere compliment, the usual worry about making a misstep faded. In its place came a natural curiosity about the other person.
It felt like turning on a light in a dim room—everything seemed clearer, warmer, and more inviting. That’s when I knew I was no longer the shy, awkward person I used to be.
Paying it forward
I also noticed a “pay it forward” phenomenon. When I started complimenting others, many reciprocated in ways I didn’t expect.
Sometimes, after praising a colleague’s efficient work strategy, they’d commend me on my creativity.
Other times, if I told someone I admired their calm demeanor, they’d mention how they looked up to my discipline in exercising.
These exchanges weren’t about fishing for compliments. They felt more like a genuine exchange of appreciation that created a friendly atmosphere.
Over time, this habit influenced how others treated me, too. My friends, family, and even casual acquaintances began making an effort to connect more.
They’d approach me at gatherings or call me to chat about their day, and our conversations often felt richer and more relaxed.
This was a stark contrast to the old days, when I’d stand on the sidelines, worried about how to keep a conversation rolling. Paying compliments started a chain reaction of positivity that I never anticipated.
Letting compliments help you evolve
Complimenting strangers and friends alike nudged me to become more mindful.
I started observing subtle things I previously missed—a person’s unique laugh, a new accessory, or their ability to handle stress with poise.
This daily practice helped me appreciate the breadth of human individuality, something I think my younger self overlooked.
Shyness often made me retreat into my own head, but focusing on others brought me out of that bubble and into a more curious, engaged state of mind.
I won’t pretend that I became the most outgoing person on the planet overnight. There are still moments when a new environment makes me feel uneasy.
Yet, I’ve noticed that offering a simple compliment helps me settle faster into conversations.
It’s the difference between feeling stuck in my own worries and actively reaching out to build a friendly bridge.
Over time, I found that my social awkwardness diminished, replaced by a sense of purpose in making others feel seen and appreciated.
Conclusion
When I look back on my journey, I see a shy person who believed social confidence was reserved for those with a natural gift for small talk.
But it turned out that a single daily habit—complimenting someone—could break down that misconception.
That one simple gesture created moments of kindness that helped me trade anxiety for curiosity, open up more meaningful conversations, and discover a sense of ease I never thought possible.
My advice is to give it a try, even if you’re unsure at first. Look for something genuinely praiseworthy in someone—anything that resonates with you—and speak up.
It might feel strange in the beginning, but it’s worth seeing how one simple choice can reshape your social experiences.
You may find that by uplifting others, you also uplift yourself.
And just like me, you might look back one day and realize you’re no longer shy or awkward in those situations that once held you back.
