Today, I spoke to both Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, who are the cofounders of K2 Enterprises and coauthors of Working For You Isn’t Working For Me. In this interview, they talk about how to get along with your manager, how to deal with it, when to quit your job if you don’t get along with your boss and more.
How long does it take to notice that your boss and you don’t mix?
Kathi Elster – I think that it happens rather quickly. You can tell anywhere from the first week to the first month. You may not know exactly what the problem is, but you sense that something is very wrong.
Katherine Crowley – There’s usually an internal alarm that goes off inside of you. Your boss leaves you out of an important meeting, or finds fault with everything you do, or blocks any project that you initiate. One part of you wants to give your new boss the benefit of the doubt, but another part of you smells trouble ahead.
When you realize that there isn’t chemistry, what is the first thing you should do?
Katherine Crowley – We tell people to Detect and Detach. Detect is to clarify what the problem is with the boss. What are the exact behaviors that are driving you crazy? Detaching involves taking back your power. We suggest restoring your energy (through exercise or physical movement), repairing your emotional state (spending time with supportive people), and rebuilding your confidence (keep a daily list of your successes and find places outside of work to showcase your talents).
Kathi Elster – You want to determine whether this person’s behavior is something you can live with. Make sure you have a plan for taking care of yourself. If you sense that this kind of boss isn’t healthy for you, you may want to start circulating your resume.
Would you agree that your boss is most of your work experience?
Katherine Crowley & Kathi Elster – There are many aspects to your work experience. The work itself plays an important role. Your co-workers color the quality of your day. Ultimately, your relationship with the boss is the greatest determinant of your overall experience. Studies show that people quit bosses more than they quit jobs or companies.
When should you quit your job because of management?
Kathi Elster – When your health is at risk. If you are so depressed that you need antidepressants or so stressed out that you’ve got ulcers, it’s time to find another position.
Katherine Crowley – Another indication would be if you feel like a prisoner – hopeless, listless, full of dread. While it may be a tough job market, chronic suffering will ruin your health and your home life over time.
What are the top 3 excuses you’ve heard from people that are upset with their boss?
Katherine Crowley – The top three excuses I hear are that the boss micromanages them, the boss doesn’t keep them informed, and the boss finds fault with everything they do.
Kathi Elster – The top three excuses I hear from employees are the boss doesn’t back or defend them, the boss gives them responsibility without the authority to carry it out, and the boss is threatened by their success.
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Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster are the coauthors of Working For You Isn’t Working For Me and the national bestselling coauthors of Working With You Is Killing Me. Katherine Crowley is a Harvard-trained psychotherapist. Her expertise concerns the inside of business; the psychological and interpersonal challenges involved with people working together. Katherine helps individuals overcome their emotional obstacles to success. Kathi Elster is an executive coach and nationally recognized business strategist. She specializes in the outside issues involved in business building. Kathi’s expertise covers most HR issues especially staff development and management training.
