I think we all crave a little validation now and then, don’t we?
It’s like we want a reminder that who we are—what we’re doing—is actually okay.
But sometimes, that craving for approval runs a little deeper, quietly influencing how we act, what we say, and even what we apologize for.
I remember realizing this in myself, noticing those little habits that screamed, please like me, even when I didn’t need to say it out loud.
So, if you’re wondering whether this need for validation is shaping your own actions, you’re not alone.
Here’s a look at some of the common signs that could signal an unspoken craving for approval.
1) Seeking compliments
It’s natural to enjoy a little flattery every now and then. Who doesn’t love a compliment?
But for those who subconsciously crave validation and approval, this takes on a different dimension.
They often go out of their way to seek compliments, even if it means fishing for them.
You’ll find them dropping hints about their achievements or accomplishments, hoping others will pick up on these and offer praise.
It’s not that they’re being manipulative.
It’s more of an unconscious behavior – a need to feel seen, appreciated, and valued by others.
Seeking compliments is not inherently bad.
It becomes a concern when it turns into a consistent pattern, revealing an underlying need for constant validation and approval.
2) Over-apologizing
We’ve all likely said “sorry” when we didn’t need to at some point.
For me, this used to be a constant habit. I would apologize for the smallest things, even when they were clearly not my fault.
I remember one incident vividly. I was at a coffee shop, and a stranger accidentally knocked over my coffee while passing by my table.
Instead of expressing my annoyance or asking him to replace my drink, I found myself saying, “I’m sorry” for being in his way.
This behavior is common among people who subconsciously crave validation and approval.
They tend to over-apologize as they fear any form of conflict might lead to disapproval or rejection.
It took me some time to realize that my incessant need to apologize was stemming from a deep-seated need for acceptance.
If you find yourself constantly apologizing when you don’t need to, it might be worth asking yourself why you’re doing it.
You might be seeking validation and approval without even realizing it.
3) Fear of saying no
The word ‘No’ is one of the simplest, yet most powerful in any language.
However, for some people, it’s also one of the hardest to say.
This is particularly true for those who subconsciously seek validation and approval.
They often struggle with setting boundaries because they fear the disapproval that might come with saying no.
Consequently, people who crave approval are more likely to agree to requests, even when they want to say no.
This is because they worry their refusal might make them appear unlikable or selfish.
So, if you find it difficult to say no, even when you’re overstretched or uncomfortable, it could be a sign that you’re subconsciously craving validation and approval.
4) Constantly comparing themselves to others
We live in a world where it’s all too easy to compare ourselves to others.
Social media, for example, provides us with an endless stream of highlight reels that can make our own lives seem dull in comparison.
Those who subconsciously crave validation and approval often fall into this trap more than others.
They constantly compare their achievements, looks, and lifestyles to those around them.
This behavior stems from their need to measure up and be deemed ‘good enough’ by societal standards.
They hope that by matching or surpassing others, they can secure the validation and approval they seek.
But the truth is, this is a never-ending cycle.
There will always be someone achieving more, looking better, or living a seemingly ‘better’ life.
If you find yourself constantly comparing your life to others’, it might be a sign that you’re seeking validation and approval subconsciously.
5) Fear of making mistakes
Mistakes – we all make them. They are a crucial part of life, learning, and growth.
However, for those who subconsciously crave validation and approval, the thought of making a mistake can be paralyzing.
These individuals often fear that any error or failure will result in disapproval or rejection.
This fear can inhibit their decision-making ability and limit their willingness to take risks or try new things.
It’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, they’re necessary for personal growth and development.
But if the fear of making a mistake is stopping you from taking chances or causing you undue stress, it might be a sign that you’re seeking validation and approval without realizing it.
The path towards self-acceptance involves embracing our imperfections, including our mistakes. After all, we’re all human.
6) Overly self-critical
I’ve always been my own worst critic.
Every small mistake, every minor flaw, I would magnify it and berate myself for it.
It was as if I was constantly looking for things to criticize about myself.
This is a common trait among people who subconsciously crave validation and approval.
They are often overly critical of themselves, hoping that by fixing their perceived flaws, they can earn the approval they desire.
It took me a while to realize that this self-criticism was not healthy.
Instead of motivating me to improve, it was only damaging my self-esteem and preventing me from appreciating my strengths and achievements.
If you find yourself constantly criticizing yourself and focusing on your flaws, it could be an indication that you’re seeking validation and approval from others.
We all have strengths and weaknesses.
Embrace your whole self, not just the parts you think others will approve of.
7) Overthinking and worrying about others’ opinions
We’ve all had moments where we’ve worried about what others think of us.
However, for those who subconsciously crave validation and approval, this can become a constant, consuming worry.
These individuals often overthink and stress about how others perceive them.
They may spend a lot of time analyzing their interactions and searching for signs of disapproval or rejection.
This constant worry can be exhausting and damaging to one’s self-esteem.
It can also prevent them from expressing their true selves, out of fear of judgment or disapproval.
If you find yourself constantly worrying about what others think of you, it could be an indication that you’re subconsciously seeking validation and approval.
However, you can’t control other people’s opinions. What matters most is how you feel about yourself.
8) Struggling with self-acceptance
At the core of those who subconsciously crave validation and approval is often a struggle with self-acceptance.
They may find it difficult to love and accept themselves as they are, believing that they need to earn approval and validation to be worthy of acceptance.
This can lead to a constant pursuit of perfection, where they feel they need to be the best, do the best, and look the best to be worthy of love and acceptance.
But here’s the truth – you are enough, just as you are.
You don’t need to earn love or acceptance. You are inherently worthy.
True self-acceptance means letting go of perfection and appreciating your true worth, embracing every part of yourself, imperfections and all.
Final thoughts
Self-love—that elusive thing we hear about but rarely see spelled out.
I’ve come to realize that seeking validation, as harmless as it seems, is often our way of asking for a little more than just acceptance from others.
It’s almost like we’re asking them to do a job that, deep down, we know belongs to us.
Real growth doesn’t need approval. It uncovers who we really are.
So, if you find yourself nodding along to some of these habits, maybe it’s time to redirect that search for validation back to where it belongs—with you.
Because at the end of the day, the only approval that truly sticks is the one you give yourself.
And believe me, you’re worth it, just as you are.
