In the realm of communication, there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing.
Oversharing is when you divulge too much personal information, often without considering its impact. It’s a habit that many of us form without even realizing it.
As someone who’s been there, I can tell you that oversharing often stems from certain emotional barriers. These barriers can make it difficult for us to gauge what’s appropriate to share and what isn’t.
In this article, I’ll discuss the eight emotional barriers that people who overshare often grapple with. Let’s dive in.
1) Fear of rejection
One of the most common emotional barriers faced by those who overshare is the fear of rejection.
This fear can sometimes lead us to share more than necessary. It’s as if we’re trying to preemptively defend ourselves from potential criticism or judgment by laying all our cards on the table.
We might think that by sharing every detail, we’re showing our authenticity and honesty, which we hope will make us more likable and less likely to be rejected.
However, it’s important to remember that oversharing can often have the opposite effect. It can make others feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, which can lead to rejection – the very thing we’re trying to avoid.
Understanding this emotional barrier is the first step towards addressing the habit of oversharing.
2) A need for validation
From my personal experience, another emotional barrier that can lead to oversharing is an intense need for validation.
I remember a time when I would share every minute detail of my life on social media – from what I ate for breakfast to the mundane details of my weekend outings. I thought the more I shared, the more likes and comments I’d get, and that would validate my experiences and, on a deeper level, my worth.
But the reality was, I was relying on external validation to feel good about myself. The more I overshared, the more dependent I became on others for that validation.
It took me some time to realize that true validation comes from within and not from the number of likes or comments on a social media post. Once I understood this, I was able to start managing my need to overshare.
3) Difficulty with emotional regulation
Oversharing can often be linked to difficulty in managing and expressing emotions.
Those who struggle with emotional regulation might not be able to process their feelings internally, so they externalize them by talking excessively about their personal life.
Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who share more about their experiences might be trying to regulate their emotions or make sense of their experiences.
It’s crucial to recognize this emotional barrier and work towards healthier ways of managing emotions, such as mindfulness or therapy.
4) Fear of silence
Many people who overshare struggle with a deep-rooted fear of silence. They view any pause or quiet moment in a conversation as awkward or uncomfortable, and feel compelled to fill the void with their own words.
This can lead to them sharing personal information or stories without considering whether it’s appropriate or not. They’re more focused on avoiding the awkwardness of silence than on the potential consequences of their oversharing.
Overcoming this fear requires understanding that silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be a moment of reflection, a time to listen, and an opportunity for deeper connection.
5) Craving for connection
At the heart of it all, we’re social creatures who crave connection and closeness. And for those who overshare, this craving can be intense.
They may believe that by sharing every detail of their lives, they’re fostering a deep, intimate bond with others. What they often don’t realize is that true connection isn’t about spilling all your secrets. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and shared experiences.
It’s okay to want to connect with others. But it’s also important to understand that oversharing isn’t the only or the best way to achieve that. A meaningful connection takes time, patience, and mutual effort.
6) Lack of self-esteem
A shaky sense of self-worth can often be the driving force behind oversharing. There was a time when I felt that my value was determined by how interesting or exciting my life seemed to others.
I’d share personal stories, not because they were relevant or because I wanted to, but because I thought they made me seem more appealing. It was an exhausting cycle that only left me feeling more insecure.
It wasn’t until I started focusing on building my self-esteem from the inside out that I began to break this cycle. I learned that being comfortable with who I am, without needing to prove anything to anyone, is the first step towards healthier communication habits.
7) Absence of boundaries
Oversharing can often be a sign of a lack of personal boundaries. This usually stems from not understanding where one’s own feelings end and another’s begin.
When personal boundaries are blurred, it becomes easy to share too much, too soon. You may feel that you’re being open and honest, but without boundaries, this openness can easily turn into oversharing.
Setting clear personal boundaries is an essential part of healthy communication. It not only protects your own emotional health but also respects the emotional space of others.
8) Lack of self-awareness
At the core of most oversharing issues is a lack of self-awareness. People who overshare often don’t realize they’re doing it, or how it might affect those around them.
Improving self-awareness can help you recognize your oversharing tendencies and understand their root causes. This is the key to changing your communication habits and finding a healthier balance in what you choose to share and what you choose to keep private.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
Beneath the habit of oversharing lie complex emotional barriers, each with its own unique origins and manifestations.
Unraveling these barriers and addressing them can be a challenging journey. However, it’s a journey that holds immense potential for growth and self-discovery.
Each step towards understanding why we overshare brings us closer to healthier communication patterns, stronger relationships, and a more grounded sense of self.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort.
As you navigate this journey of self-awareness and change, remember you’re not alone. Millions around the world grapple with similar struggles every day.
The fact that you’re here, seeking understanding and willing to change, is already a significant step forward. Keep going, and the transformation you seek will unfold in its own time.
