Parenting doesn’t end when they turn 18—it just evolves.
The transition from guiding a young kid to building a strong relationship with an independent adult is both rewarding and, at times, challenging.
Over the years, I’ve often found myself wondering, What really makes a strong bond between parents and their grown-up children? How do some families stay so close, even as their lives get busier and more complicated?
Through my own journey and from observing those who seem to have cracked the code, I’ve noticed a few patterns. It’s less about controlling or guiding them as we did when they were little, and more about adopting certain behaviors that nurture this new, grown-up relationship.
Today, I’m sharing some key behaviors that I’ve found to be fundamental in maintaining that close bond with an adult child.
Let’s explore them together.
1) Open communication
If there’s one thing experts agree on, it’s that open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship.
And the parent-adult-child bond is no different. As put by parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, “Building and maintaining open communication with your adult child is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship.”
Parents who maintain strong bonds with their adult children don’t shy away from difficult conversations or sweep things under the rug.
Instead, they foster an environment where their adult child feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions, knowing they will be met with understanding and empathy, not judgment or dismissal.
2) Respect for boundaries
Respect for boundaries is another crucial behavior that parents with strong bonds with their adult children tend to adopt.
Let me share a personal example. I have a friend who is particularly close with her adult daughter. What’s their secret?
Well, they’ve mastered the art of respecting each other’s boundaries.
My friend doesn’t insist on knowing every minor detail of her daughter’s life. She understands that her daughter needs space to make her own decisions and live her own life. She doesn’t try to control or micromanage but is always there when needed.
On the other hand, the daughter also respects her mother’s boundaries. She understands that her mother also has a life of her own, with her own interests, friends, and commitments.
This mutual respect for personal boundaries has created an environment of trust and respect that has strengthened their bond over time.
3) Listening instead of jumping to solutions
Have you ever found yourself rushing to offer solutions when your adult child comes to you with a problem?
As parents, it’s almost second nature to want to “fix” things. After all, we spent years solving problems, wiping away tears, and offering advice.
But as our children become adults, what they often need isn’t a quick fix—it’s a listening ear. Author Steve Maraboli puts it perfectly: “Sometimes we need someone to just listen. Not to try and fix anything or offer alternatives, but to just be there… to listen.”
When your adult child is going through something challenging, it’s more powerful than you might think to simply listen without immediately offering advice or solutions. This not only validates their feelings but also empowers them to find their own way forward, knowing they have your support.
Sometimes, all they need is a sounding board—someone who hears them out, empathizes, and trusts their ability to handle their own challenges.
By being present in this way, you strengthen your bond and demonstrate respect for their independence and ability to navigate life’s ups and downs.
4) Acceptance
This means accepting your adult child for who they are, even if their choices or lifestyle don’t align with what you had envisioned for them.
It’s about celebrating their individuality and supporting their decisions, even when you don’t entirely understand or agree.
This acceptance doesn’t mean you can’t impart wisdom or offer advice, but it does mean respecting their autonomy and acknowledging that they are capable of making their own decisions.
Practicing this can help create a safe and supportive environment where your adult child feels loved and valued for who they are, paving the way for a stronger, healthier relationship.
5) Being humble
So let’s say your adult child comes to you for advice, or maybe they do something differently than you would have.
It’s easy, as parents, to think we know best—after all, when they were kids, we often did. We were their guide through everything from school to friendships, and we had the experience to back it up.
However, things change when our children become adults. The world they’re navigating is different, and the challenges they face—from parenting their own children to advancing in their careers—are different and can be far more complex than what we dealt with at their age.
It’s important to approach these situations with humility, understanding that you don’t always have the perfect answer.
Being humble means being open to learning from your adult child as much as they learn from you. It’s acknowledging that their experiences may have equipped them with perspectives and solutions that differ from your own. And when you can humbly admit that you don’t always know best, it shows respect for their journey and fosters a deeper, more equal connection.
It’s a shift from being the authority figure to being a supportive ally—one who’s willing to listen, learn, and grow alongside them.
At the heart of it all: Love
Maintaining a strong bond with your adult child is an ongoing journey, and like any relationship, it requires effort, understanding, and a willingness to evolve together.
By adopting behaviors like open communication, respecting boundaries, offering acceptance, listening without jumping to solutions, and practicing humility, you can strengthen that bond and enjoy a deeper, more meaningful connection.
Your role as a parent doesn’t stop—it simply changes. And sometimes, the best way to support your adult child is to let go of the need to guide every step and simply walk beside them as they navigate their own path.
These small shifts in behavior can make all the difference in nurturing a relationship that brings joy, mutual respect, and love for years to come.
