We all age, but sometimes as the years roll on, our character traits evolve in ways we may not be proud of.
You might look at your current behavior and wonder if it’s just a natural part of getting older or if you’re turning into a person who is more selfish than you used to be.
How can you identify if what you are experiencing is an unfortunate evolution towards selfishness or just the normal ebb and flow of life’s challenges?
After closely observing my own behavior and the behavior of those around me, I have compiled a list of 7 subtle behaviors that are often adopted by people who become more selfish as they get older.
If these behaviors strike a chord, it might be time for some introspection.
1) Lack of empathy
As we grow older, life’s experiences often teach us valuable lessons about compassion and understanding. Yet, for some, the opposite happens. They become more rigid and less empathetic, often brushing off the feelings of others as inconsequential.
This lack of empathy could manifest subtly. You may find yourself less inclined to comfort a friend in distress or feel indifferent to the hardships of those around you. This indifference is not always intentional, but it is a sign of growing selfishness.
This behavior is not just limited to personal relationships. It can permeate every aspect of your life, from your professional interactions to your attitudes towards social issues.
If you’re finding that you’re less concerned with how others feel or with the welfare of society in general, it might be time to reassess your values.
2) Over-generosity
Contrary to what you might expect, becoming overly generous can be a subtle sign of growing selfishness. This might seem paradoxical at first glance, as generosity is usually associated with selflessness.
However, the key lies in the motivation behind the generosity.
People who become more selfish with age might use their generosity as a tool for manipulation or to feed their ego. They may give lavishly, but with the expectation of getting something in return, be it gratitude, admiration, or a favor down the line.
This kind of generosity is more about the giver than the receiver. It’s about feeling good about oneself or gaining leverage over others, rather than genuinely wishing to help.
3) Exaggerated sense of entitlement
As we grow older, we may start to feel that we’ve earned certain privileges or that the world owes us something. This sense of entitlement can be a subtle sign of increasing selfishness.
You might find yourself expecting special treatment because of your age, your experiences, or your perceived wisdom. You may feel that you deserve certain things without having to work for them, or that your needs and wants should always take precedence over those of others.
This isn’t to say that you should never feel deserving of good things. But when this sense of entitlement starts to interfere with your relationships, or when it starts to justify unfair behavior, it might be time for a reality check.
An exaggerated sense of entitlement can lead to disappointment and conflict. It can isolate you from others and prevent you from recognizing the value in compromise and mutual respect.
4) Reduced active listening
Did you know that the human brain processes thoughts about four times as fast as we speak?
This means that we all have a mental bandwidth which often remains underused during conversations. Selfish individuals, as they age, tend to use this extra bandwidth to focus on their own thoughts, rather than actively listening to others.
Active listening involves not just hearing the words that another person is saying, but also understanding and empathizing with them. However, if you find yourself consistently thinking about your own response or shifting the conversation back to yourself, it might be a sign of growing selfishness.
This subtle behavior can erode relationships over time. It sends a message that you value your own thoughts and opinions more than those of others.
5) Ignoring personal growth
Life is a journey of constant learning and personal growth. But as we age, it’s easy to fall into a trap of complacency, assuming we’ve learned all there is to learn, and grown all we need to grow.
However, this static state can be a dangerous breeding ground for selfishness. We may start believing that our way is the only right way, dismissing new perspectives and ideas without giving them due consideration.
This behavior doesn’t just limit our personal growth; it also impacts our relationships. It gives off an air of arrogance and disregard for others’ viewpoints, leading to feelings of resentment and disconnect.
6) Seeking solitude excessively
While solitude can be an essential tool for self-reflection and rejuvenation, an excessive desire for it can be a subtle sign of growing selfishness.
You might start to prefer your own company to the point where it affects your relationships. You may find yourself turning down social invitations more often, or avoiding interactions with others, just to spend time alone.
While it’s perfectly healthy to enjoy solitude, a consistent preference for isolation over connection can be counterproductive. It can lead to a pattern of disregarding others’ feelings and needs, which is a form of selfishness.
7) Prioritizing convenience over commitment
As we age, we often seek a life of comfort and convenience. However, when this pursuit starts outweighing our commitments, it can be a sign of growing selfishness.
You might find yourself routinely canceling plans because they don’t align with your comfort or convenience. This behavior, while seemingly harmless at first, can snowball into a pattern of unreliability and disregard for others’ time and feelings.
This subtle shift in priorities can harm your relationships over time. It sends out a message that your comfort is more important than your commitments, that your convenience takes precedence over others’ expectations.
Understanding the roots of selfishness
As we delve into these signs of growing selfishness, it’s important to remember that these behaviors are not indicative of a flawed character, but rather, they often stem from deeper psychological or emotional factors.
Selfishness can sometimes be a defense mechanism, a way for individuals to protect themselves from perceived threats, be they physical, emotional, or social.
It can stem from feelings of insecurity, fear, or past traumas. At times, it’s a learned behavior, picked up from early life experiences or modeled by significant figures in our lives.
Understanding the root of one’s selfish behavior is crucial to addressing it effectively. Self-awareness is the first step. Recognizing these subtle signs in your behavior is a bold move toward introspection and self-improvement.
However, understanding and recognition alone aren’t enough. Change requires action. This might involve challenging your existing beliefs and attitudes, learning new ways of interacting with others, or seeking professional help if necessary.
