There’s a world of difference between people who are genuinely kind and those who only seem friendly, but have darker intentions.
This difference is often subtle, hidden beneath a veneer of smiles and pleasant conversation.
It’s these folks, who seem nice on the surface but are actually harmful underneath, that we need to watch out for. They’re adept at disguising their true nature, making it hard for us to spot them.
But don’t worry. I’ve got your back. I’ve noticed 9 subtle behaviours these individuals often display.
Let’s dive in.
1) Overly flattering
Navigating the social world can be tricky, especially when it comes to figuring out people’s true intentions.
Take flattery, for instance. It’s a truly double-edged sword.
We all enjoy receiving compliments. They make us feel good about ourselves, and we often warm up to the person giving them.
But sometimes, too much flattery can be a warning sign.
Individuals who are friendly on the surface but evil underneath often resort to excessive flattery. They use it as a tool to win you over, to lower your guard before they reveal their true intentions.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting you should distrust every compliment that comes your way. But if someone always seems to be laying it on thick, it might be time to question their motives.
2) They’re only around when they need something
One thing I’ve learned in my dealings with people is that actions speak louder than words.
I remember a former colleague of mine, let’s call him Joe. Joe was the kind of guy who would always greet you with a big smile and ask about your day. He was seemingly one of the friendliest guys at work.
But over time, I noticed a pattern. Joe would only come around when he needed a favour. Whether it was help with a project, a ride home, or borrowing something, he was suddenly my best friend.
Once he got what he wanted, though, he’d disappear. No ‘thank you’, no reciprocation, nothing until he needed something again.
That was my wake-up call. Joe wasn’t a friend; he was using his friendly persona to take advantage of others.
Be wary if someone’s always friendly when they need something from you but disappears once they get it. It’s a telltale sign of someone who’s friendly on the surface but may have ulterior motives beneath.
3) They’re quick to anger
Ah, the mask of friendliness. Some people wear it so well, you wouldn’t suspect a thing until it slips.
One such slip is a sudden burst of anger. It’s surprising how fast someone can go from being all smiles to showing their teeth.
And here’s something you might not know. According to research in psychology, people who are quick to anger often have trouble controlling their impulses. This lack of self-control can lead them to act out in harmful ways, even if they seem friendly at first.
If you notice that someone is prone to sudden outbursts of anger or frustration, even over minor issues, take it as a red flag. It could be a sign that their friendliness is skin-deep and there’s something more sinister lurking beneath.
4) They often play the victim
Ever come across someone who always seems to be on the receiving end of life’s hardships? No matter what happens, they’re always the victim?
This is a common trait amongst people who appear friendly on the surface but have darker motives underneath.
Playing the victim allows them to manipulate others’ emotions and gain sympathy. It’s a clever way to deflect blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
And while it’s essential to support friends going through tough times, be wary if someone consistently portrays themselves as the innocent party in every situation. It could be a tactic to conceal their true intentions and manipulate those around them.
5) They’re secretive about their personal life
We all have a right to privacy and it’s completely normal not to share every detail of our lives with everyone. But, there’s a difference between being private and being secretive.
People who are friendly on the surface but harbour darker intentions underneath often keep their personal lives under wraps. They maintain an air of mystery, giving away just enough to keep you interested but never revealing their full story.
This secrecy serves a dual purpose. First, it allows them to maintain control over the narrative of their lives. Second, it can draw you in, making you more curious and invested in them.
If someone is always vague about their personal life or avoids answering direct questions, take note. It could be a sign that they’re hiding something more than just their weekend plans.
6) They lack empathy
There’s a certain warmth that comes from interacting with someone who genuinely cares for others. It’s a feeling of being seen, being understood, and it’s deeply comforting.
However, those who seem friendly but are evil underneath often lack this capacity for empathy. Sure, they can put on a caring façade, but when it comes down to truly understanding and sharing your feelings, they fall short.
This lack of empathy is more than just a personality flaw. It’s a window into their self-centred nature and an indication of their inability to form genuine connections with others.
If you ever come across someone who can’t seem to empathize with others, or dismisses your feelings as unimportant, tread carefully. Beneath that friendly exterior might be a person who cares for no one but themselves.
7) They break their promises
I still remember the day my so-called “friend” let me down. We had planned a vacation together, something we both looked forward to for months. But at the last minute, she cancelled, leaving me stranded.
The worst part? It wasn’t an emergency or unavoidable situation. She simply chose to do something else, breaking her promise without a second thought.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson: people who seem friendly but are evil underneath often have no qualms about breaking their promises. They’ll make commitments with ease, knowing full well they have no intention of keeping them.
Their words are merely tools to manipulate others and serve their own interests. So if you notice someone habitually breaking their promises, be cautious. Their friendly demeanor may just be a mask to hide their true intentions.
8) They’re constantly critical
Constructive criticism is a part of life. It helps us grow, change, and become better versions of ourselves. But there’s a fine line between constructive feedback and constant criticism.
People who are friendly on the surface but evil underneath often use criticism as a weapon. They’ll hide behind the guise of “just being honest” or “trying to help”, but their real aim is to tear you down and undermine your self-confidence.
This constant barrage of criticism can be subtle, hidden in jokes or offhand comments. But over time, it can chip away at your self-esteem and make you question your worth.
If someone seems to have a knack for pointing out your flaws or making you feel inadequate, take note. Their friendly exterior might just be a cover for their real intention to belittle and control you.
9) They take more than they give
At the heart of every genuine friendship is a balance of give and take. It’s about mutual support, understanding, and reciprocity.
But people who are friendly on the surface yet evil underneath often tip this balance. They’re always ready to take, whether it’s your time, energy, or resources. But when it comes to giving back, they’re nowhere to be found.
This one-sided dynamic is a major red flag. It’s a clear sign that they value what they can gain from you more than your friendship itself.
Final thoughts: It’s all about boundaries
The subtle behaviors we’ve explored serve as a guide to help you make sense of these complexities. But it’s crucial that we remember: we all have the power to set boundaries.
Boundaries are the invisible lines that define our interactions with others. They protect us from being manipulated or taken advantage of.
According to renowned psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud, “Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring because I don’t do things your way. I care about me too.”
So, as you reflect on these subtle behaviors, remember it’s not just about recognizing them in others. It’s also about protecting yourself by setting clear, firm boundaries.
Because at the end of the day, you deserve relationships that are built on mutual respect, honesty, and genuine kindness. Don’t settle for anything less.
