It’s not always easy to tell who your real friends are. Sometimes, people act friendly towards you but secretly harbor negative feelings.
The telltale signs can be subtle, hidden behind smiles and kind words. These individuals may seem sweet on the surface, but underneath it all, they might not like you very much.
Being able to spot these behaviors is important. It can save you a lot of unnecessary heartache and confusion.
In this article, we’ll reveal the 9 specific behaviors often displayed by folks who are pretending to be your friend. By the end, you’ll have a clear idea of who’s genuine and who’s just putting on a show.
1) They’re overly nice
It’s great to be around friendly people, but there’s a line between being genuinely nice and being overly nice.
When someone is always excessively sweet and complimenting you, it may seem pleasant initially. But as time goes on, it can start to feel insincere and forced.
This is a common tactic used by people who are trying to mask their true feelings. They overcompensate by acting overly friendly, in hopes of throwing you off the scent.
You might start to notice that the compliments don’t quite add up or that the niceties feel out of place. This can be a clear sign that underneath the sugar-coated exterior, they might not be as fond of you as they portray.
Keep an eye out for this behavior. Genuine friendliness is consistent and doesn’t feel like an act. If it feels like they’re trying too hard, they probably are.
2) They’re quick to criticize
Criticism can be a useful tool for growth when it’s constructive and delivered with care. But when it’s used as a weapon, it can be a sign of hidden animosity.
I once had a friend who would always find a way to criticize me, no matter what the situation was. She would disguise it as friendly advice or concern, but it always left me feeling inadequate and doubtful.
If I wore a new outfit, she’d comment on how it wasn’t my color. If I shared my success at work, she’d point out how I could have done better. It was constant and never-ending.
Over time, I realized that her criticism wasn’t about helping me improve. It was about making herself feel superior.
3) They’re often absent in your time of need
True friends show up when you need them most. They’re there to support you during the tough times, to lend a listening ear, to offer words of comfort or just to sit silently by your side.
On the other hand, people who act friendly but secretly dislike you will often find excuses to be absent in these moments.
People who are not genuinely invested in a relationship are less likely to provide support when it’s needed most.
4) They avoid meaningful connection
Deep and meaningful connections are the bedrock of true friendships. This involves sharing personal experiences, feelings, dreams, and fears. It’s about being real and authentic with each other.
However, those who pretend to be friendly but secretly dislike you will often avoid these deeper connections. They might keep conversations superficial, steer clear of personal topics, or deflect when you try to delve deeper.
This avoidance can be because they’re not genuinely interested in getting to know you on a deeper level or because they want to keep emotional distance between you.
If you notice someone consistently avoiding meaningful conversations or showing little interest in your life beyond the surface level, it could be a sign that their friendliness doesn’t run deep.
5) They don’t celebrate your achievements
True friends are your biggest cheerleaders. They celebrate your achievements and take genuine joy in your success. They’re by your side, cheering you on every step of the way.
On the contrary, people who act friendly but secretly dislike you may not show enthusiasm when you succeed. They might downplay your achievements, change the subject quickly, or even look for ways to subtly undermine your success.
This lack of support can often stem from jealousy or resentment. They might not want to see you succeed because it makes them feel inadequate in comparison.
6) They rarely initiate contact
Friendships are a two-way street. It takes mutual effort and interest to maintain a strong and meaningful relationship. This includes regular communication and reaching out to each other.
However, if you find that you’re always the one initiating contact, it might be a sign that the other person isn’t as invested in the friendship as you are.
It can feel disheartening when someone you consider a friend seems to show little interest in keeping up the relationship. If they rarely call, text, or make plans to meet up, it could be a sign that their friendly demeanor is just for show.
7) They gossip about others with you
I used to have a coworker who would always share the latest office gossip with me. At first, it felt like a bonding experience, like we were confidantes. But over time, I started to wonder: if she’s talking about others in this way, what is she saying about me when I’m not around?
Gossip can be a way for people to connect, but it can also be a sign of insincerity and lack of trust. If someone is constantly talking about others behind their backs, it’s possible they’re doing the same to you.
8) Their body language is off
Words can often be deceptive, but body language rarely lies. It’s one of the most reliable indicators of a person’s true feelings.
If someone is acting friendly towards you but their body language sends different signals, it could be a sign they secretly dislike you. They might avoid eye contact, cross their arms when speaking with you, or keep a physical distance.
They may smile at you, but if their smile doesn’t reach their eyes, it could be a sign of insincerity. They might also be quick to end conversations or avoid spending time alone with you.
Paying attention to these subtle cues can give you insight into what they’re really thinking and feeling.
9) They’re not happy for you
The most telling sign of all is when someone isn’t genuinely happy for you. True friends rejoice in your happiness and share in your joy.
However, those who act friendly but secretly dislike you might struggle to express genuine happiness for you. It could be when you share good news, achieve something big, or are just having a really good day.
Their reactions might be muted, or they might even seem uncomfortable or annoyed. This lack of shared joy can be a clear indication that their friendliness is not genuine.
Real friends lift you up. They share in your happiness and success because they truly care about you.
