It’s a peculiar paradox. As parents, we naturally want to shower our kids with praise, to boost their self-esteem and encourage their growth. But what if we’re going overboard?
Sometimes, too much praise can backfire, leading to some unexpected negative traits in adulthood. You see, over-praising can foster a skewed self-perception and breed some undesirable characteristics.
In this article, we’re diving into the peculiar side-effects of too much adoration in childhood. We’ll be exploring the 8 negative traits often found in adults who were excessively praised as children.
So grab your notepad, because it’s about to get insightful!
1) Entitlement
Generous praise can be a good thing, but too much of it may foster a sense of entitlement.
When children are constantly told they’re special, it can create a belief that they’re always deserving of special treatment. This mindset can persist into adulthood, leading to problems when the world doesn’t conform to their expectations.
Entitlement is a tricky trait. It’s often masked as confidence, but in reality, it’s a demand for undeserved privileges. Adults who grew up overly praised may struggle with accepting that they’re not always entitled to the best of everything.
Recognizing this trait is the first step towards addressing it. Remember, everyone deserves respect and fair treatment, but not necessarily special treatment.
Maturity lies in understanding this difference.
2) Fear of Failure
Constant praise can inadvertently create a fear of failure. I’ve seen it firsthand.
I grew up with a friend, let’s call him Jake. Jake was constantly praised by his parents. Everything he did was “amazing,” “wonderful,” “the best.” Don’t get me wrong, Jake was a talented kid, but the constant praise put him on a pedestal of perfection.
As we grew older, this fear of not living up to the constant praise evolved into a fear of failure. Anytime Jake faced a challenging situation, he’d avoid it instead of risk failing and tarnishing his perfect image. Even in adulthood, he struggles to take on new challenges and often opts for the easier route, limiting his personal and professional growth.
This fear of failure is a clear example of how excessive praise in childhood can have long-term negative effects. It’s important to realize that it’s okay to fail sometimes; it’s part of growth and learning.
3) Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Excessive praise can also cultivate a resistance to criticism. When children are always told they’re fantastic, they can develop an unrealistic perception of their abilities.
In reality, we all have areas where we need to improve. But if you’re used to hearing only positive feedback, any form of constructive criticism can feel like a personal attack.
Research shows that children who are overly praised often struggle with receiving criticism as adults. They may become defensive or upset when their work is critiqued or when someone disagrees with them.
This inability to accept criticism can hinder personal growth and development, which is why it’s so important to balance praise with constructive feedback from an early age.
4) Dependence on External Validation
Another unexpected outcome of excessive praise is a heavy reliance on external validation.
When children are constantly showered with praise, they may start to rely on it as a measure of their worth. They could develop a habit of seeking approval from others in order to feel good about themselves.
As adults, this can translate into a constant need for validation from friends, colleagues, and loved ones. They might struggle to make decisions without someone else’s approval or feel unworthy without constant affirmation.
This dependence on external validation can be limiting in adulthood, as self-worth should ideally come from within, not based on others’ opinions. Building self-confidence and self-esteem is crucial for personal growth and independence.
5) Low Resilience
Resilience is about bouncing back from life’s challenges and disappointments. It’s a crucial trait that helps us navigate the ups and downs of life.
But here’s the catch. When children are excessively praised, they may not develop the necessary resilience to cope with setbacks. They might expect things to always go their way and struggle to handle situations when they don’t.
I often think of resilience as a muscle. It needs to be exercised regularly to become stronger. But without exposure to failure or disappointment, this muscle may not develop properly.
As adults, those overly praised as kids might find it harder to bounce back from setbacks, whether it’s a job loss, a break-up, or any other kind of disappointment. They might feel overwhelmed and unable to cope.
This is why it’s so essential to let children experience minor setbacks and guide them through dealing with these disappointments. This way, they can develop resilience, which will serve them well throughout their lives.
6) Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be another side-effect of excessive childhood praise.
I remember back in school, I was always praised for getting perfect grades. My parents meant well and were only trying to encourage me, but that praise turned into an expectation for me to always be perfect.
As I grew older, this expectation morphed into an obsession with perfectionism. I’d spend hours on a single task, trying to get it absolutely right. The fear of any errors or imperfections was palpable.
This kind of perfectionism can be quite debilitating in adulthood. It can lead to procrastination, stress, and even burnout. It took me years to learn that it’s okay not to be perfect all the time.
Striving for excellence is commendable, but it’s also crucial to accept that we’re human and that making mistakes is a natural part of life.
7) Lack of Authenticity
Excessive praise can sometimes lead to a lack of authenticity.
When children are constantly praised, they might feel the need to live up to certain expectations. This could result in them suppressing their true selves to fit into the image that earned them praise.
As adults, they might struggle with authenticity, constantly feeling the need to put on a facade to gain approval or admiration from others. They might hide their true feelings, preferences, or opinions for fear of not being praised or accepted.
Authenticity is an essential part of forming genuine relationships and experiencing true happiness. Understanding and embracing our unique selves is crucial, and it’s something that should be encouraged from a young age.
8) Inflated Ego
The most significant repercussion of excessive praise in childhood is perhaps the development of an inflated ego.
When children are overly praised, they may develop a blown-up sense of self-importance. They might start to believe they’re superior to others and can do no wrong.
As adults, this can lead to arrogance and a lack of empathy for others. They might struggle to relate to others on an equal level and might dismiss others’ feelings or opinions.
An inflated ego can be damaging in both personal and professional relationships. It’s essential to foster humility and empathy from a young age to ensure balanced personality development.
Final thoughts: It’s about balance
When it comes to child-rearing, the role of praise cannot be understated. Yet, like many aspects of life, it’s all about finding the right balance.
Excessive praise can, unknowingly, set children on a path fraught with challenges, from entitlement and fear of failure to an inflated ego. As we’ve seen, these traits can carry over into adulthood, affecting various facets of life.
But remember, this isn’t about blaming parents or caregivers. Most often, the intention behind excessive praise is pure — to build confidence and self-esteem. The key lies in understanding the potential repercussions and striving for a balanced approach.
Praise should be genuine and proportionate to effort and achievement. Encouraging children to take risks, learn from failures and not to shy away from constructive criticism can help them grow into well-rounded adults.
As we navigate the complexities of parenting and caregiving, let’s remember that our words have incredible power. Used wisely, they can shape a child’s future for the better.
