Growing up with strict rules can shape us in ways we don’t always realize. It’s like wearing invisible glasses that color how we view the world.
These rules often lead to behaviors that follow us into adulthood. Some might serve us well while others could become stumbling blocks.
Let’s talk about eight common behaviors people who grew up with strict rules often bring into their adult lives. In doing so, we’ll shed some light on how our upbringing affects who we are today.
1) Rule-oriented
People who grew up with strict rules often become sticklers for order in adulthood.
They were raised in an environment where sticking to the rules was heavily emphasized. This can manifest into a desire for structure and predictability.
These rule-followers can be a blessing in many situations, bringing organization and discipline. But they may also struggle when faced with ambiguity or unpredictability.
Understanding this behavior can help us empathize with their need for order and clarity. And if you’re someone who leans towards this behavior, it’s about striking a balance between order and flexibility.
2) Perfectionism
I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten lost in the details, striving for something to be perfect. Growing up with strict rules, I was always taught that if something was worth doing, it was worth doing perfectly.
This mindset followed me into adulthood, turning into a relentless pursuit for perfection. While this behavior has helped me to excel in many areas of life, it can also be a double-edged sword.
The drive to get things exactly right can sometimes lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. It’s a constant reminder for me to balance my pursuit of perfection with the understanding that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.
3) Difficulty with spontaneity
Those who grow up with strict rules often carry a preference for planning and struggle with spontaneous decisions. This is because they were used to following a rigid schedule or routine in their childhood.
A study from the University of Virginia found that children who had regular routines showed higher executive function skills – the ability to control impulses, remember details, and manage time effectively.
However, this can sometimes lead to an inability to handle unexpected changes or spontaneous plans as adults. It’s important to remember that life is unpredictable, and being open to change can often lead to exciting opportunities.
4) High responsibility
Growing up with strict rules often instills a strong sense of responsibility. People who were raised this way are typically dependable and take their commitments seriously.
They’re the type to arrive early for meetings, never miss deadlines, and follow through on their promises. While these are admirable traits, they can also feel a heavy burden of expectation.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone has limits and it’s okay to say no when overwhelmed. Balancing responsibility with self-care is key to a healthy adult life.
5) Craving for approval
The desire to please others and earn their approval is a common trait among those who grew up with strict rules. As children, their actions were heavily scrutinized and they were often judged based on their ability to abide by the rules.
This desire to please can follow us into adulthood, influencing our decisions and relationships. We may find ourselves bending over backwards to meet others’ expectations, sometimes at the cost of our own happiness.
It’s a journey to realize that your worth isn’t tied to others’ approval. You’re enough just as you are, and it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and desires. It’s not selfish, it’s self-love.
6) Fear of failure
Failure was never an option for me growing up. With strict rules in place, the idea of faltering or messing up became an anxiety-inducing thought.
This fear followed me into my adult life, sometimes holding me back from taking risks or trying new things. I realized that being afraid to fail was actually preventing me from growing and learning.
Recognizing this fear is the first step towards overcoming it. Remember, failure is not a sign of weakness, but a stepping stone to growth and success. It’s okay to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. That’s how we grow.
7) Difficulty expressing emotions
Individuals who grow up under strict rules are often taught to suppress their emotions, as expressing them might be seen as a sign of weakness or disobedience.
As adults, this can translate into difficulty in expressing feelings, leading to emotional bottlenecks. It’s not uncommon for such individuals to struggle with emotional connections or have issues being vulnerable in relationships.
Understanding and acknowledging this behavior is a step towards healing. It’s important to realize that emotions are a natural part of being human, and expressing them doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it’s a strength to be able to communicate your feelings honestly and openly.
8) Strong resilience
Growing up with strict rules often builds resilience. The constant pressure to adhere to high standards and strict regulations can act as a crucible, forging individuals who are capable of withstanding and adapting to life’s challenges.
This resilience can serve as an invaluable asset in adulthood, enabling such individuals to bounce back from setbacks and persist in the face of adversity.
However, it’s also crucial to remember that it’s okay to seek help and lean on others. Being resilient doesn’t mean you have to weather all storms alone. We all need support, understanding, and compassion from those around us.
Final thoughts: A reflection on upbringing
The impact of an upbringing marked by strict rules is far-reaching and profound. It shapes our behaviors, choices, and even our outlook on life.
The psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed.”
Those of us who grew up with strict rules often carry these behaviors into adulthood, not as a burden but as a testament to our resilience. These behaviors remind us of the challenges we’ve overcome, the discipline we’ve acquired, and the strength we’ve built.
But it’s also important to acknowledge that we are not simply products of our past. We have the capacity to reflect, learn, and grow. We can choose to let go of behaviors that no longer serve us and cultivate ones that enrich our lives.
May this reflection inspire you to revisit your own upbringing and its influence on your adult life. Remember, it’s never too late for transformation and growth.
