There’s a thin line between a genuinely nice guy and one who’s just pretending. That line is often blurred by subtle behaviors that go unnoticed.
Pretending to be nice while harboring ulterior motives can be a masterful act of manipulation. This act, however, isn’t always easy to see through.
Those who’ve been on the receiving end know that there are certain telltale signs. So, I’ve compiled a list of 10 subtle behaviors often displayed by men who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t.
Let’s get started.
1) Excessive charm
It’s not uncommon for men who aren’t genuinely nice to lay on the charm pretty thick. It’s their go-to tool to win people over.
But here’s the thing – excessive charm can often feel forced and unnatural. It’s like a performance, carefully crafted to convince you of their niceness.
Genuine kindness and warmth, on the other hand, are usually more subtle and consistent. They don’t feel like an act.
If you notice a man turning on the charm excessively, especially in situations where it feels unnecessary or out of place, take note. This could be a sign he’s pretending to be nice, but really isn’t.
Authentic niceness doesn’t need a spotlight. It shines through in small, consistent ways.
2) Lack of empathy
This one hits close to home for me. I once knew a guy who seemed really nice at first. He was charming, always up for a chat, and seemed genuinely interested in people.
But over time, I noticed something odd. Whenever someone shared a problem or personal struggle with him, he would quickly change the topic or make light of the situation.
It was as if he was uncomfortable with any kind of emotional depth or vulnerability. Worse, it felt like he didn’t really care about others’ feelings or struggles.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial component of being genuinely nice. If a man lacks empathy, it’s a strong sign that his niceness might just be an act.
3) They always play the victim
Interestingly, research in psychology shows that manipulative individuals often play the victim. It’s a subtle behavior that’s easy to miss, especially when you’re trying to be supportive.
Men who pretend to be nice but aren’t usually have a knack for turning situations around to make themselves appear as the victim. This tactic serves two purposes – it garners sympathy and conveniently shifts blame away from them.
4) They frequently flatter you
Flattery can feel great; who doesn’t enjoy a compliment, right? But when flattery is used excessively, it can be a red flag.
Men who aren’t genuinely nice often use flattery as a tool to keep you off balance. They’ll shower you with compliments and make you feel like you’re on top of the world. In reality, they may be trying to win your trust or get something from you.
It’s essential to differentiate between sincere compliments and empty flattery. Genuine compliments are specific and come from a place of kindness, while flattery tends to be general, over the top, and often tied to an ulterior motive.
5) They’re evasive about their past
We all have parts of our past we’d rather not discuss. But if a man is consistently vague or evasive about his past, it might be a sign that he’s not as nice as he seems.
Men who pretend to be nice often avoid discussing their past because it might reveal inconsistencies in their ‘nice guy’ persona. They might dodge questions, change the subject, or give vague, unsatisfying answers.
If you feel like you’re always hitting a wall when trying to learn more about a man’s past, it could be a sign that he’s hiding something. Genuine people are generally open and honest, even about their flaws and mistakes.
Authentic relationships are based on trust and openness. If someone is always hiding their past, you might want to reconsider their true intentions.
6) They rarely apologize
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. But it’s how we handle those mistakes that truly define us.
Genuinely nice people are able to acknowledge their mistakes and apologize sincerely. They understand that saying sorry isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and humility.
On the flip side, men who only pretend to be nice often struggle with this. They might skip over their wrongdoings or make excuses instead of offering a heartfelt apology.
If you’re dealing with a man who rarely apologizes, or whose apologies always seem insincere or forced, it’s worth taking a closer look. His inability to genuinely apologize could be a sign that his niceness is just an act.
After all, true kindness includes the ability to say “I’m sorry” and mean it.
7) They’re quick to anger
I remember a friend who seemed like the nicest guy in the world. But there was one thing that always bothered me – his quick temper.
Whenever things didn’t go his way, he’d snap. The friendly facade would vanish, replaced by a short fuse and harsh words.
I soon realized that his ‘niceness’ was only skin deep, a mask that slipped all too easily when he was under pressure.
If a man quickly resorts to anger when things don’t go his way or during disagreements, it could be a sign his niceness isn’t genuine. Authentic kindness means being considerate and patient, even when things get tough.
8) They’re overly helpful
This might seem odd because being helpful is generally a good thing, right? But there’s a difference between being genuinely helpful and being overly helpful to the point of crossing boundaries.
Men who pretend to be nice often portray themselves as the ultimate problem-solver, always ready to help, even when it’s unwanted or unnecessary. This can be a subtle way of asserting control or creating a sense of indebtedness.
If you notice a man always jumping in to ‘save the day’ without being asked, or ignoring your wishes to handle things yourself, take note. His ‘helpfulness’ might be more about his needs than yours. Genuine kindness respects boundaries and understands that not everyone needs or wants help all the time.
9) They’re always the hero in their stories
We all enjoy sharing our successes and achievements. But if a man consistently paints himself as the hero in every story he tells, it might be a sign of something more troubling.
Men who pretend to be nice often construct narratives where they’re always the hero, the good guy, or the victim. This way, they maintain their ‘nice guy’ image and avoid any blame or criticism.
A balanced individual will share stories that show a range of emotions and roles, including times when they were not so heroic.
10) They’re inconsistent with their behavior
At the end of the day, consistency is key. Genuine people are consistent in their actions. They’re kind and respectful, not only when it suits them or when they want something.
Men who pretend to be nice often show inconsistencies in their behavior. They might be charming one moment and cold the next, or kind in public but rude in private.
If you notice a man’s behavior fluctuating based on his mood, the people he’s with, or what he wants, it’s a strong sign his niceness isn’t real.
Genuine kindness doesn’t switch on and off. It’s a steady trait that remains consistent across situations and over time.