I used to think small talk was just meaningless chatter—something people did to fill awkward silences.
But then I started paying attention to those who were truly great at it. They weren’t just talking for the sake of talking. They were making connections, opening doors, and leaving lasting impressions—all in just a few minutes of casual conversation.
The good news? Small talk isn’t about being naturally outgoing or having a talent for words. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned.
People who are exceptionally good at small talk don’t just wing it. They use specific conversational tricks that make them instantly more engaging, approachable, and memorable.
Here are seven of their best-kept secrets.
1) They ask open-ended questions
Ever notice how the best conversationalists get people talking effortlessly? It’s not by accident. They know that small talk isn’t about firing off quick yes-or-no questions—it’s about sparking real dialogue.
Instead of asking, “Did you have a good weekend?” (which only requires a simple yes or no), they go with something like, “What was the best part of your weekend?” Now, the other person has to think, reflect, and actually share something meaningful.
This small shift makes a huge difference. It keeps the conversation flowing naturally, helps avoid awkward silences, and—most importantly—shows genuine interest in the other person.
If you want to get better at small talk, start paying attention to the way you ask questions. The more open-ended they are, the more engaging your conversations will be.
2) They mirror the other person’s energy
I used to think the key to good small talk was always being upbeat and enthusiastic. But then I realized something—energy mismatch can make a conversation feel awkward, no matter how friendly you are.
I remember meeting a new colleague at an event. I was excited and chatty, but she was more reserved and soft-spoken. Instead of toning it down, I kept my usual high-energy approach. She smiled politely, but the conversation felt strained.
Later, I tried a different approach with someone else—I matched their energy level instead of forcing mine. If they were calm, I stayed relaxed. If they were animated, I leaned into that too.
The difference was night and day. The conversation felt natural, effortless, and way more enjoyable for both of us.
People who are great at small talk instinctively do this. They pick up on the other person’s vibe and adjust accordingly, making every interaction feel comfortable and in sync.
3) They embrace the awkwardness
Let’s be real—small talk can feel awkward. You don’t always know what to say, pauses creep in, and sometimes it feels like you’re just stating the obvious.
But here’s what I’ve noticed about people who are great at small talk: they don’t try to avoid the awkwardness. They lean into it.
They acknowledge the weird weather conversation with a laugh. They shrug off a clumsy introduction instead of overthinking it. They don’t panic when there’s a lull—they let it breathe, giving the other person space to jump in naturally.
The truth is, everyone feels a little awkward sometimes. The difference is, great conversationalists don’t let it derail them. They stay present, keep things light, and trust that the conversation will find its rhythm.
And more often than not, it does.
4) They make people feel heard
We’ve all been in conversations where it’s clear the other person isn’t really listening. They’re nodding, but their eyes are scanning the room. Or worse, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk.
People who are great at small talk do the opposite. They make you feel like, in that moment, you’re the most interesting person in the room.
They do this by actually listening—not just to respond, but to understand. They maintain eye contact, react naturally, and ask follow-up questions that show they were paying attention.
And here’s the thing: when someone feels heard, they open up more. The conversation flows easily, and suddenly, what started as small talk turns into something real.
5) They use people’s names in conversation
Ever notice how hearing your own name in a conversation makes you feel instantly more engaged? That’s not random—it’s psychology. Studies have shown that our brains have a strong, positive reaction when we hear our own name.
People who are great at small talk understand this. They don’t overdo it, but they naturally weave the other person’s name into the conversation.
Instead of just saying, “That’s a great point,” they’ll say, “That’s a great point, Sarah.” It’s subtle, but it makes the interaction feel more personal and warm.
And the best part? Using someone’s name not only makes them feel valued—it also helps you remember it for next time.
6) They give people an easy way out
Not every conversation flows smoothly, and that’s okay. Sometimes people are distracted, tired, or just not in the mood to chat.
Great conversationalists recognize this and never make someone feel trapped in small talk. They pick up on cues—short answers, glances at the phone or door—and they gracefully give the other person an out.
A simple, “Well, I won’t keep you, but it was great chatting with you,” or “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing, but I’m really glad we got to talk,” lets the other person exit without awkwardness or guilt.
Small talk isn’t about forcing a connection. It’s about creating a moment of ease, and sometimes, that means knowing when to wrap it up.
7) They make people feel good about themselves
The best small talk isn’t about having the perfect words—it’s about how you make the other person feel.
People who are great at it know this, and they use every interaction as an opportunity to leave someone feeling a little lighter, a little more valued, a little more seen.
They give genuine compliments, highlight others’ strengths, and find ways to make people feel interesting and appreciated. Not in an over-the-top way, just in a way that feels natural and sincere.
Because at the end of the day, people might not remember every word you said—but they’ll always remember how you made them feel.
The bottom line
Small talk isn’t meaningless. It’s the foundation of connection—the first step toward trust, opportunity, and deeper conversations.
The people who do it best aren’t necessarily the most charismatic or extroverted. They’re the ones who make others feel seen, heard, and valued in even the briefest exchanges.
The good news? This is a skill anyone can develop. It starts with awareness—of how you listen, how you respond, and how you make others feel.
Pay attention to what works. Notice when a conversation flows effortlessly and what made it happen. Practice small shifts—better questions, genuine curiosity, thoughtful pauses.
Over time, these little habits add up. And before you know it, small talk won’t feel so small anymore. It will become what it was always meant to be—a simple yet powerful way to connect.
