I used to think the way I talked about my problems didn’t really matter. But over time, I realized certain phrases kept me feeling stuck—like life was just happening to me, and I had no control.
The truth is, the words we use shape how we see ourselves and our circumstances. Some phrases reinforce a victim mindset without us even realizing it, making it harder to take action, grow, and move forward.
If you’ve ever felt trapped in the same struggles, unable to break free, your language might be part of the problem. Here are seven common phrases that could be keeping you stuck—and what to say instead.
1) I have no choice
This phrase might feel true in the moment, but more often than not, it’s just a story we tell ourselves.
When we say, “I have no choice”, we give away our power. We make it seem like outside forces are controlling our lives, leaving us with no ability to change our situation.
The reality? There’s almost always a choice. It might not be an easy one, and it might come with risks or discomfort, but recognizing that you do have options is the first step toward taking control.
Instead of saying, “I have no choice”, try reframing it: “I don’t like my options, but I can decide what’s best for me.”
This simple shift can help you move from feeling powerless to seeing yourself as someone who can take action.
2) That’s just the way I am
For a long time, I used to say this when faced with criticism or challenges. If someone pointed out that I was too hesitant to take risks or that I avoided confrontation, I’d shrug and say, “That’s just the way I am.”
At the time, it felt like I was standing my ground, owning who I was. But in reality, I was using it as an excuse to stay stuck. Instead of seeing areas where I could grow, I convinced myself that change wasn’t possible.
The truth is, we’re all capable of growth. Who we are isn’t set in stone—we’re shaped by our choices and habits. When I finally stopped telling myself this phrase and started asking, “What could I do differently?”, things started to shift.
If you catch yourself saying, “That’s just the way I am”, try replacing it with, “I can improve this if I work on it.”
It’s a small shift, but it opens the door to real progress.
3) Nothing ever works out for me
When we repeat this phrase, we’re reinforcing a negative pattern—one that our brains are wired to latch onto.
Psychologists call this “confirmation bias“, the tendency to focus on information that supports what we already believe while ignoring anything that contradicts it.
If you tell yourself “nothing ever works out for me”, your brain will start filtering out all the times things did work in your favor.
You’ll remember the failures, the setbacks, and the disappointments, but overlook the small wins and moments of progress.
The more you repeat it, the more it feels true—even when it’s not. Instead, try shifting to “Things don’t always go my way, but I can find solutions and keep moving forward.”
It helps break the cycle and trains your mind to see possibilities instead of roadblocks.
4) It’s not fair
Life isn’t always fair—we all know that. But constantly saying “It’s not fair” keeps you focused on what’s wrong instead of what you can do about it.
When we dwell on fairness, we put ourselves in a passive position, waiting for things to change rather than taking action.
It’s frustrating when others get opportunities we don’t or when setbacks feel undeserved, but staying stuck in that mindset doesn’t change anything.
A more empowering shift is to ask, “What can I do next?” Instead of focusing on what’s unfair, focus on your next move. That’s where your real power is.
5) I’m just not lucky
For a long time, I believed that success came down to luck. I watched other people get ahead, land great opportunities, or seem to be in the right place at the right time, and I told myself they were just lucky in a way that I wasn’t.
But thinking that way made me passive.
If everything was about luck, then what was the point of trying? Why put myself out there if the outcome was already decided? That belief held me back more than any actual circumstance ever did.
The truth is, luck is often just preparation meeting opportunity. The people who seem “lucky” are usually the ones who take risks, put in effort, and stay open to possibilities.
Once I started focusing on what I could control—my skills, my mindset, and my willingness to try—things started shifting in ways that had nothing to do with luck.
Instead of saying, “I’m just not lucky”, try asking, “What can I do to create more opportunities for myself?”
That question leads to action—and action leads to change.
6) I can’t do this
The moment you say “I can’t do this”, your brain stops looking for solutions. It’s like slamming a door shut before even checking if it was unlocked.
We all have moments of doubt, but the problem with this phrase is that it leaves no room for growth.
It turns a temporary challenge into a permanent limitation. And more often than not, it’s not even true—it’s just fear talking.
Instead of saying “I can’t do this”, try “I haven’t figured this out yet”. That small shift keeps the door open.
It reminds you that ability isn’t fixed, that progress is possible, and that you’re capable of more than you think.
7) That’s just my luck
This phrase makes it seem like life is something that happens to you, not something you have any control over.
It turns every setback into proof that things will never go your way, reinforcing the belief that no matter what you do, the outcome is already decided.
But the truth is, setbacks happen to everyone. The difference is how you respond. If you believe you have no control, you won’t look for solutions, take risks, or push forward—and that belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead of saying “That’s just my luck”, try “What can I learn from this?”
One keeps you stuck. The other moves you forward.
Bottom line: Your words shape your reality
The way we talk about our lives isn’t just a reflection of how we feel—it actively shapes how we think, what we believe, and the choices we make.
Neuroscientists have found that our brains are constantly rewiring themselves based on our thoughts and language. When we repeat disempowering phrases, we reinforce patterns that keep us stuck.
But when we shift the way we speak, we create new mental pathways that open doors to growth and possibility.
It’s not about ignoring challenges or pretending everything is fine. It’s about recognizing that the words you use—especially the ones you say to yourself—can either hold you back or help you move forward.
The choice, as always, is yours.
