It’s no secret that difficult conversations are, well, difficult.
They often involve uncomfortable topics, high stakes, and intense emotions.
And let’s face it, some of us handle these conversations better than others.
Psychology tells us there are clear signs that reveal if you’re not an easy person to talk to during these moments.
Recognizing these signs can be the first step to improving your communication skills.
Let’s dive in and see if any sound familiar.
1) You’re quick to interrupt
We’ve all been there. We’re trying to get a point across, and the person we’re talking to keeps cutting us off. It’s not just irritating; it’s downright disrespectful.
According to psychology, being quick to interrupt is one of the signs that you’re not an easy person to have difficult conversations with.
It shows that you’re more interested in getting your own point across than understanding what the other person has to say.
Active listening is an essential skill when dealing with tough conversations. It shows respect, empathy, and an openness to other perspectives.
So if you find yourself frequently interrupting others, it might be time to take a step back and practice better listening skills. Remember, a conversation is a two-way street.
2) You’re overly defensive
We all like to think we’re open-minded and receptive to feedback, but let’s be real, it’s tough to hear criticism about ourselves.
I remember a time when a close friend pointed out that I often make decisions impulsively.
My immediate response was to jump to my own defense, listing all the times my quick decisions had led to successful outcomes.
But later, when I had time to reflect, I realized that my friend had a point. My defensiveness had not only prevented me from hearing her out but also from acknowledging a behavior that I could work on improving.
Psychology tells us that being overly defensive during difficult conversations is a sign that we’re not easy to talk to. It indicates an unwillingness to consider other perspectives and can shut down the conversation completely.
When someone offers you some constructive criticism, try to resist the urge to immediately defend yourself. Instead, take a moment to consider what they’re saying – you might just learn something valuable about yourself.
3) You avoid eye contact
Eye contact isn’t just about manners; it’s a powerful form of non-verbal communication.
In fact, studies have shown that maintaining eye contact during a conversation can significantly increase our understanding and retention of what’s being said.
If you’re the kind who shies away from meeting someone’s gaze during a difficult conversation, it might be taken as a sign that you’re not fully invested in the discussion.
Avoiding eye contact can come off as dismissive or uninterested, making the conversation feel one-sided and generally less productive.
Even if it doesn’t come naturally to you, try to maintain a healthy amount of eye contact. This simple act can help foster a sense of connection and mutual respect, making the discussion more effective and less tense.
4) You frequently change the subject
Difficult conversations are, by nature, uncomfortable. It’s natural to want to steer away from topics that cause discomfort or conflict. However, continually changing the subject during these discussions indicates a lack of willingness to confront the issue at hand.
If you’re one to frequently veer off-topic, it can be frustrating for the other person involved. They may feel that their concerns aren’t being taken seriously, or that you’re avoiding the core issue.
Difficult conversations are necessary for growth and understanding. Staying focused on the topic at hand, even when it’s challenging, is crucial for effective communication.
5) You struggle to express empathy
Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another – is a fundamental aspect of human connection. It’s what helps us to relate to each other on a deeper level, particularly during difficult conversations.
If you struggle with expressing empathy, it can make these tough discussions feel even more challenging. The other person might feel unheard or dismissed, leading to further conflict or misunderstanding.
In my experience, the best way to cultivate empathy is by practicing active listening and trying to put myself in the other person’s shoes. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. When we respond with empathy, we’re not just acknowledging the other person’s feelings; we’re validating them.
6) You’re prone to blaming others
No one likes to be at fault, especially when it comes to sticky situations or conflicts. It’s a natural instinct to want to protect ourselves. However, being quick to cast blame can often hinder productive conversation.
I remember a time when I was leading a project that didn’t go as planned. My first reaction was to point out where team members had gone wrong. But on reflection, I realized that there were things I could have done differently as well.
Blaming others can create a defensive environment and prevent us from learning from our mistakes. It’s essential to step back, take responsibility where it’s due, and look for ways to improve.
7) You react with hostility to differing opinions
In any conversation, especially difficult ones, it’s inevitable that differing opinions will arise. It’s how we handle these differences that can make or break the discussion.
If you tend to react with hostility when someone disagrees with you, it’s a sign that you might not be an easy person to have difficult conversations with. This kind of reaction can shut down open communication and prevent any sort of resolution.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to disagree. In fact, differing viewpoints can often lead to better solutions and deeper understanding.
Ask questions to understand their perspective better, and you may find that there’s more common ground than you initially thought.
8) You use aggressive body language
Body language speaks volumes, often more than words do. Aggressive body language – like crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, or leaning away from the person you’re talking to – can send a clear message that you’re not open to what the other person has to say.
This kind of non-verbal behavior can instantly put the other person on the defensive and make the conversation even more difficult.
The key is to be mindful of your body language. Try to maintain an open and relaxed posture, make appropriate eye contact, and use gestures that show you’re actively engaged in the conversation.
Ultimately, how you say something can be just as important as what you say. With conscious effort, you can use your body language to create a more positive and productive environment for difficult conversations.
Final thoughts: It’s all about growth
The complexities of human communication are deeply intertwined with our individual personalities, experiences, and yes, even our brain’s wiring.
Psychologists often point to a concept known as emotional intelligence – the ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways. This plays a crucial role in how we navigate difficult conversations.
If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, don’t be disheartened. Awareness is the first step towards growth and improvement.
Whether it’s learning to listen more actively, expressing empathy more readily, or being mindful of our body language – these are all skills that can be honed with practice and patience.
After all, becoming better at handling difficult conversations isn’t just about making these discussions less daunting. It’s about growing as individuals, improving our relationships, and ultimately leading more fulfilling lives.
Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about striving to be better today than we were yesterday.
