Every parent dreams of raising a child who thrives and becomes the best version of themselves.
However, our actions and habits can unintentionally shape their mindset and behaviors in limiting ways.
If you want your child to grow into a better, more confident version of yourself, it’s crucial to leave behind patterns that might hold them back.
Some parents do it better than others, though—and that’s often because they’ve managed to let go of these eight specific behaviors:
1) Reacting instead of responding
Kids can be a handful.
They spill milk, draw on walls, and sometimes even yell back.
It’s easy to lose your cool, to let your emotions take the reins and react impulsively—but that’s just adding fuel to the fire.
However, parents who truly aspire to raise a better version of themselves know better than to simply react as they understand that children are still learning, still figuring things out.
Children are bound to make mistakes, just like we adults do.
Instead of reacting with anger or frustration, they respond with patience and understanding; they take a moment to breathe, to compose themselves before addressing the situation.
It’s not easy—and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight—but when you respond instead of react, you’re setting an example for your child by showing them how to handle their emotions in a mature and thoughtful way.
2) Making perfection the goal
Growing up, I was always striving for perfection: Straight A’s, first place in every race, the best at everything—so, naturally, when I became a parent, I expected the same from my child.
However, children aren’t robots.
All children are human beings with their own strengths and weaknesses too—they excel at some things and struggle with others.
I learnt this the hard way when my son came home with a ‘B’ on his science test: My first instinct was disappointment and I had a stern talk with him about the importance of studying and doing his best.
Then I saw the crushed look on his face—not because he got a ‘B’, but because he thought he’d let me down.
It was a wake-up call indeed because, instead of pushing for perfection, I now encourage effort and growth.
I celebrate my son’s wins, no matter how small they are and, when he stumbles, we talk about what he can learn from it rather than focusing on the mistake.
3) Failing to recognize their individuality
Here’s something you might not know: Children begin to develop their sense of self as early as 18 months old—this is when they start to understand that they are separate individuals from their parents and others around them.
As parents, it’s our job to nurture this individuality so it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting your child to follow in your footsteps, to like the same things you do, and even think the way you do.
What if your child is a budding artist while you’re more of a numbers person? Or what if they’re an introvert while you’re the life of the party?
It’s crucial to recognize and respect these differences while also encouraging them to explore their interests and passions, even if they’re different from your own.
4) Ignoring the power of words
Words can be a double-edged sword.
They can inspire, motivate, and uplift, but they can also hurt, demoralize, and scar—especially when they come from someone a child looks up to.
As parents, we often underestimate the power of our words.
We may think that a harsh comment here or there won’t matter in the long run but, in reality, our words can leave a lasting impact on our children’s self-esteem and self-worth.
“Stupid”, “lazy”, “disappointment”—labels like these can stick with a child for years.
They can even shape their perception of themselves and affect their future relationships and endeavors.
If you want your child to be a better version of yourself, choose your words wisely and speak with kindness and understanding.
Use your words to build them up, not break them down—your voice becomes their inner voice.
5) Overprotecting them from the world
I’ll admit it, as a parent, my protective instincts can sometimes get the best of me.
I want to shield my child from harm, from disappointment, from the harsh realities of life but I’ve learned that this overprotection can do more harm than good.
Every time I step in to solve a problem for them, I rob them of the opportunity to learn and grow; every time I shelter them from failure, I deny them the chance to build resilience.
I’ve realized that it’s not about keeping them in a bubble, but rather equipping them with the tools to navigate the world on their own.
Teach your children how to pick themselves up when they fall and how to learn from their mistakes.
At the end of the day, a parent’s job isn’t to make the world safer for their child, but rather to make their child stronger for the world.
6) Always putting them first
Isn’t parenting all about prioritizing our children’s needs above our own?
Well, yes and no.
While it’s important to meet our children’s needs, it doesn’t mean we should completely disregard our own.
In fact, always putting them first can set an unhealthy precedent—leading our children to believe that the world revolves around them, that their needs and desires always take precedence over others’.
This alone can foster entitlement and hinder their ability to empathize with others.
Moreover, constantly sacrificing our own needs can lead to parental burnout, leaving us exhausted and unable to parent effectively.
Remember, it’s okay to take time for yourself and to say ‘no’ sometimes.
7) Not acknowledging their feelings
Emotions can be overwhelming, especially for a child who’s still learning how to navigate their feelings.
As their folks, we often have a tendency to dismiss these emotions, especially the negative ones—we say things like “You’re okay” when they’re crying or “Don’t be angry” when they’re upset.
By doing this, we invalidate their feelings and teach them that what they’re feeling is wrong or unimportant.
Instead, we should acknowledge their emotions and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared by helping them understand what they’re feeling and guide them towards expressing their emotions in a healthy way.
Emotions aren’t bad—it’s what we do with them that matters.
8) Forgetting to lead by example
In the end, kids learn more from what you do than what you say—they’re always watching, always learning.
If you want your child to be kind, show them kindness; if you want them to take responsibility for their actions, lead by doing the same.
Your actions speak louder than any lecture or lesson—so if you truly want your child to be a better version of yourself, start by being the best version of yourself.
The best way to teach is to show, not tell.
Reflecting on parenthood
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve likely realized that raising a child to be a better version of yourself is more about growth than perfection.
Bettering oneself isn’t about chasing an ideal but improving on shortcomings while building on strengths.
By sharing this wisdom with our children, we become more than parents—we become mentors, guides, and role models.
In the words of James Baldwin, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them”.
Every step you take towards becoming a better version of yourself is a step closer to raising a child who will do the same.
At the end of the day, the best gift we can give our children is the example of our own life well-lived.
