Reconnecting with your adult children can be a delicate dance. It’s about finding the balance between supporting them and acknowledging their independence.
You need to respect their boundaries while expressing your desire for a deeper connection. It’s not easy, but trust me, it’s doable.
And guess what? There are eight simple steps that can guide you on this journey. These steps are not about manipulating their feelings, but rather inspiring a genuine reconnection.
So, if you’re ready to bridge that gap, let’s dive into these eight steps. And remember, patience is key in this process.
1) Acknowledge the past
Reconnecting with your adult children often means addressing past mistakes and misunderstandings. This can be a challenging step, but it’s essential for moving forward.
You see, sweeping issues under the rug doesn’t make them disappear. It only creates a bumpy surface that everyone keeps tripping over.
Addressing the past involves acknowledging any hurt you might have caused, even unintentionally. This doesn’t mean you have to take all the blame or guilt. It’s about opening a dialogue that can lead to understanding and forgiveness.
Remember, it’s not about winning an argument or proving who’s right or wrong. It’s about expressing your feelings and allowing your children to express theirs.
This honest conversation can be the first significant step towards rebuilding a deeper connection with your adult children. But again, it’s important that your intentions remain genuine and not manipulative.
2) Share your own growth
In my own journey of reconnecting with my adult son, I found it hugely beneficial to share my personal growth with him.
This wasn’t about boasting or showing off. Rather, it was about demonstrating that I too have learned and grown over the years. That I too have changed.
I remember sharing with him how I had taken up gardening as a way to manage my stress levels. This was something he had never known about me, and it opened up a whole new conversation about our individual coping mechanisms.
Sharing my growth showed him that I wasn’t stuck in the past. That I was open to new experiences and ideas. And most importantly, it showed him that I was human, with my own struggles and achievements.
This personal sharing created a space for mutual understanding and even admiration. Again, this isn’t about manipulation but genuine sharing and connecting.
3) Encourage their independence
When it comes to adult relationships, autonomy is highly valued. It’s no different with your adult children.
Research shows that adult children who feel their parents respect their autonomy have higher psychological well-being. They’re more likely to engage in open communication and maintain a positive relationship with their parents.
So, when reconnecting with your adult child, it’s crucial to respect and encourage their independence. Acknowledge their life choices and support their decisions, even if they differ from your own.
This isn’t about letting go, but about creating an environment of mutual respect. It’s about fostering a relationship that allows both of you to be your authentic selves.
4) Show genuine interest
Developing a genuine interest in your adult children’s lives can go a long way in reconnecting with them. It’s not only about asking about their job or their kids, but also about their hobbies, passions, and dreams.
Ask about the book they’re reading, the new recipe they tried, or the project they’re working on. Show curiosity and enthusiasm. This shows you value them as individuals and are interested in their lives beyond their roles as your children.
However, make sure your interest is authentic. There’s a fine line between being interested and being nosy. Respect their privacy while showing that you care about their lives.
5) Express your love openly
In the hustle and bustle of life, we sometimes forget to express our feelings to those we hold dear. But saying “I love you” can have a profound impact, especially when reconnecting with your adult children.
Expressing love openly doesn’t mean you have to be overly emotional or dramatic. It can be as simple as saying the words or showing it through small acts of kindness.
Maybe it’s a handwritten note expressing your pride in them. Or a simple hug when you see them. Or even a text message saying you’re thinking of them.
Showing your love isn’t about expecting something in return. It’s about letting them know that no matter what, they are loved. And that can be a powerful step towards reconnection.
6) Be open to change
As we age, we often become set in our ways. We have our routines, our preferences, our way of doing things. But when reconnecting with your adult children, it’s essential to be open to change.
I remember when my daughter asked me to join her for a yoga class. I was hesitant at first – it was so out of my comfort zone. But seeing her excitement and her desire to share something she loved with me, I gave it a try.
To my surprise, I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would. More importantly, it gave us a new shared experience and opened up a new form of connection between us.
Being open to change shows your adult children that you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone for them. That you’re not just stuck in your ways but are eager to grow and learn alongside them.
7) Respect their boundaries
As your children grow into adults, their boundaries will likely change. They’ll have their own families, responsibilities, and expectations. And it’s crucial to respect these new boundaries.
This means understanding that they may not always be available for a chat or a visit. Or respecting their choices in parenting, career, or lifestyle, even if they differ from yours.
Respecting boundaries isn’t about distancing yourself. It’s about creating a healthy relationship where both parties feel comfortable and respected.
Remember, every relationship needs space to breathe, and respecting boundaries provides that space.
8) Patience is key
Reconnecting with your adult children won’t happen overnight. It’s a journey, not a destination. And just like any journey, it requires patience.
There will be bumps along the road, misunderstandings, and possibly even setbacks. But don’t let these discourage you. Keep your focus on the goal – a stronger, deeper and more meaningful relationship with your adult children.
And remember, every step you take towards them, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.
Final thoughts: It’s all about connection
The essence of human existence revolves around connections. Some are easy and effortless, while others require work and patience. The bond between parents and their adult children falls into the latter category.
Reconnecting with your adult children isn’t just about mending rifts or filling gaps. It’s about building a new relationship, one that respects their individuality and autonomy while acknowledging your shared history.
As renowned child psychologist Erik Erikson once stated, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”
So as you embark on this journey of reconnection, remember that it’s not about going back to what was, but moving forward to what can be. A relationship with your adult children that is rooted in mutual respect, love, and understanding.
And most importantly, always keep in mind that it’s a journey worth taking for the profound connection that lies at its end.
