There’s a fine line between having a healthy relationship with your extended family and getting on their last nerve.
That line is often drawn by your behavior. The way you act, how you interact, and even what you say can play a large role in how close or distant you are with your relatives.
If you’re looking to maintain a close relationship with your extended family, there are certain behaviors you need to bid farewell.
This article is going to highlight 8 such behaviors. And I promise, it’s not as daunting as it sounds, but it does require a little introspection. Get ready to take the first step towards fostering healthier relationships with your extended family.
1) Avoiding Family Gatherings
Family gatherings are the backbone of any extended family relationship. It’s where bonds are strengthened, and memories are created.
However, there’s a tendency among some of us to shy away from these gatherings. Maybe it’s because they feel awkward, or they’re just not a fan of social events.
But if you’re serious about maintaining a close relationship with your extended family, this is a behavior you’ll need to say goodbye to.
Remember, you don’t have to be the life of the party. But your presence matters. It shows that you value your family and are willing to invest time in nurturing these relationships.
So next time you get that invitation for a family BBQ, instead of making an excuse, commit to going. You might be surprised at how much fun you have, and how closer it brings you to your relatives.
2) Holding onto Grudges
Extended families are like mini societies. There are always going to be disagreements, misunderstandings, and even full-blown arguments. That’s normal. What isn’t healthy is holding onto grudges.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I once had a falling out with a cousin over something that now seems petty. I let it fester for years, and it put a strain on our relationship and even affected the dynamic at family gatherings.
But one day, I realized that holding onto that grudge was doing more harm than good. The energy I spent being angry could have been spent on something more productive.
So I decided to let it go. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Our relationship improved, family events became more enjoyable, and I felt lighter without the weight of resentment.
In a nutshell, if you want to maintain close ties with your extended family, learn to forgive and forget. You don’t have to agree on everything, but letting go of past hurts can do wonders for your relationships.
3) Poor Communication
It’s no secret that communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship. In fact, studies show that most relationship issues stem from poor communication rather than disagreements.
When it comes to family, clear, open, and regular communication is even more essential. This means not just talking about the weather or what you had for lunch. It’s about genuinely engaging with your relatives, understanding their perspectives, and sharing your own.
So if you’re in the habit of terse replies, one-word answers, or just plain radio silence, it’s time to change that. Start being more responsive, initiate conversations, and engage more deeply in the ones already happening.
Remember, your extended family can’t read your mind. If you want to maintain close relationships with them, you’ll need to express yourself clearly and effectively.
4) Being Judgmental
We all have our own way of doing things. Our unique experiences and perspectives shape us into who we are. Therefore, it’s no surprise that our family members might have different views or approaches to life.
Unfortunately, it’s easy to fall into the trap of being judgmental. It’s a habit that can quickly create tension and drive a wedge between you and your extended family.
Think about it. Nobody likes to feel judged or criticized, especially by a family member. It can lead to defensive behavior, resentment, and even complete withdrawal.
So, if you want to maintain a close relationship with your extended family, it’s crucial to practice acceptance and understanding, even if you don’t always agree with their choices.
It’s about respecting their right to live life the way they see fit, just as you’d want them to respect yours. Start by replacing judgmental comments with words of understanding or encouragement. This simple shift can make a massive difference in your relationships.
5) Neglecting to Show Appreciation
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to take people for granted, especially family. After all, they’re always there, right? But this familiarity shouldn’t be an excuse for not showing appreciation.
Consider the times your aunt cooked your favorite meal when you visited, or when your cousin helped you move into your new apartment. These are instances of love and care that deserve recognition.
Saying a simple “thank you” can go a long way in expressing your gratitude and making them feel valued. It’s not just about good manners; it’s about acknowledging their efforts and letting them know that they’re appreciated.
So, let’s not wait for a special occasion to express our gratitude. A heartfelt thank you, a warm hug, or even a small token of appreciation can mean the world to them. And in turn, it can strengthen your bond with your extended family.
6) Not Taking Time to Understand
Everyone has their own story, their own struggles, and their own victories. Sometimes, in our dealings with extended family, we forget that. I remember a time when I was so wrapped up in my own world that I failed to see the struggles one of my cousins was going through.
She seemed distant and uninterested in family gatherings. Initially, I took it personally and felt annoyed. But when I finally took the time to reach out and genuinely understand her situation, it turned out she was going through a rough patch.
In retrospect, I wish I had made the effort sooner. That experience taught me a valuable lesson: taking time to understand your family members can make all the difference.
So, if you notice a family member acting out of character, take a moment to empathize with them instead of jumping to conclusions. You never know what someone is going through, and your understanding could mean more to them than you realize.
7) Failing to Set Boundaries
This might seem contrary to the aim of maintaining a close relationship with your extended family, but setting boundaries is actually crucial. Without them, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or intruded upon, which can lead to resentment and strained relationships.
Boundaries can be about your time, your personal space, or even topics you’re uncomfortable discussing. They are not about pushing your family away; they’re about maintaining your mental health and ensuring your relationships are respectful and positive.
So don’t be afraid to communicate your boundaries. Most of the time, family members aren’t even aware that they’re crossing a line until you tell them.
Remember, setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish or unkind. It’s necessary for healthy relationships. And a healthy relationship with your extended family is one that’s likely to be close and enduring.
8) Not Being Authentic
At the end of the day, nothing beats being your true self. Authenticity breeds trust and fosters genuine connections. If you’re always pretending to be something you’re not, your extended family will sense it.
It’s okay to have differences. It’s okay to have your own interests, opinions, and quirks. What’s not okay is to hide who you truly are just to fit in or please others.
So don’t be afraid to show your true self. Your authenticity might just be the thing that strengthens your bond with your extended family the most. After all, family is a place where you should feel accepted and loved for who you are.
Final thoughts: It’s all about love
The essence of maintaining a close relationship with your extended family, or indeed anyone, lies in one simple yet profound emotion – love.
Love is the driving force behind all our efforts to understand each other better, to communicate more effectively, and to show respect and appreciation. It’s what motivates us to let go of grudges and to be authentic.
Research by the American Psychological Association reveals that feeling loved and connected can significantly increase our overall happiness and well-being. And the beauty of love is that it is not a finite resource. The more we give, the more we have.
So, if you find yourself struggling with maintaining those close-knit relationships with your extended family, remember to approach it with love. Love for them, love for yourself, and love for the unique family dynamics that make you who you are.
Because when there is love, there’s a way. And that’s the bottom line.
