Assertiveness isn’t about domineering, it’s about clear communication. It’s expressing your views while respecting others’ too.
But sometimes, certain ingrained habits can undermine our assertiveness, causing us to regress into passivity or escalate into aggression.
I’m here to share with you eight such habits that you might need to bid adieu to. So if you’re looking to stand your ground without stepping on toes, keep reading.
Welcome to “If you want to be more assertive say goodbye to these 8 habits”.
1) Apologizing excessively
Assertiveness and excessive apologizing don’t mix well.
It’s not that saying sorry is bad. In fact, acknowledging when we’re wrong is a hallmark of emotional intelligence. But many of us have the habit of saying sorry too much, often for things that aren’t our fault or beyond our control.
Excessive apologizing can make us appear uncertain and timid, undermining our assertiveness.
So, the first habit to say goodbye to? Over-apologizing. It’s okay to accept the blame when it’s due, but don’t apologize for existing, having an opinion, or standing up for yourself. Remember, your assertiveness is about clear communication and mutual respect, not appeasement.
Let’s start taking steps towards assertiveness by saying less sorry and more thank you, shall we?
2) Avoiding confrontation
Speaking from personal experience, avoiding confrontation was a habit I had to kick. I used to think keeping the peace meant swallowing my opinions and sidestepping conflict. But guess what? All that did was leave me feeling unheard and frustrated.
Avoiding confrontation might seem like the easy way out, but it’s a surefire way to stifle your assertiveness. It prevents open communication and creates a barrier in relationships, whether personal or professional.
So, how did I overcome this? I started small. Instead of avoiding, I began addressing issues in a calm and respectful way, focusing on the problem rather than the person. It was uncomfortable at first, but with time, it became easier and I felt more assertive.
So, if you’re like how I was, constantly dodging conflicts, it’s time to say goodbye to this habit and embrace assertiveness. Trust me, it’s liberating.
3) Neglecting self-care
It might seem unrelated, but self-care plays a significant role in assertiveness. Here’s why: when we neglect our well-being, it becomes harder to stand up for ourselves.
In a 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that participants who had just exercised were more likely to withstand social pressure. They concluded that physical activity, as a form of self-care, can boost feelings of autonomy and resistance to persuasion.
So, if you’re someone who constantly puts others’ needs before your own, it’s time to start prioritizing self-care. Make time for exercise, eat healthily, and ensure you get enough sleep. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to stand your ground when needed.
4) Using passive language
The words we use have a significant impact on how others perceive us, and using passive language is a habit that can seriously undermine our assertiveness.
Using phrases like “I guess” or “maybe” before your statements can make you seem unsure and unconfident, even when you’re not. This type of language invites others to overlook your opinions and needs.
To be more assertive, it’s important to communicate clearly and confidently. Use active language and be direct about your needs and opinions. Remember, it’s not about being aggressive, it’s about expressing yourself openly and honestly.
5) Seeking constant approval
It’s natural to want to be liked and accepted. But when this desire turns into a constant need for approval, it can hinder our assertiveness.
Constantly seeking approval means we’re always tailoring our actions and words based on what we think others want to hear or see. This can lead to a loss of self, as we suppress our own thoughts, feelings, and needs.
Being assertive requires us to value our own judgment. It’s about understanding that we can’t please everyone all the time, and that’s okay. It’s about being comfortable with who we are, without needing constant validation from others.
So, let’s say goodbye to the habit of seeking constant approval. Instead, let’s foster self-love and self-acceptance. Because at the end of the day, the approval that matters most is our own.
6) Not setting boundaries
Boundaries are essential to assertiveness. Without them, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or disrespected. I know this because I’ve been there.
In the past, I struggled with setting boundaries. I’d often take on more than I could handle, or agree to things I didn’t want to do, all out of fear of disappointing others. But over time, this took a toll on my mental and emotional health.
Learning to set boundaries was a game-changer. It was about recognizing my limits and communicating them clearly and respectfully to others. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes people didn’t react well. But it was worth it because I began feeling more in control and more respected.
So, if you find yourself struggling to set boundaries like I once did, know that it’s time for a change. Practice saying no when necessary, know your limits, and don’t be afraid to communicate them. Your assertiveness will thank you for it.
7) Internalizing criticism
Criticism is a part of life. And how we handle it can greatly impact our assertiveness.
When we internalize criticism, we let it define us. We start believing that we are the negative things people say about us. This can lead to self-doubt and a decrease in confidence, making it harder for us to assert ourselves.
Instead of internalizing criticism, use it as a tool for growth. Consider the feedback objectively and decide if there’s any truth to it. If there is, use it to improve. If there isn’t, let it go.
Remember, you are not defined by what others say about you. Stand firm in your self-belief and continue to assert your thoughts and feelings confidently.
8) Downplaying achievements
Your accomplishments are a testament to your abilities and hard work. Downplaying them is not a sign of modesty, but a habit that can erode your assertiveness.
When we downplay our achievements, we send a message that our efforts and skills are not valuable. This can lead to others underestimating us, and even worse, us underestimating ourselves.
Recognize your accomplishments for what they are – proof of your capability. Be proud of them and don’t shy away from sharing them when appropriate. Assertiveness is about owning your worth, and that includes acknowledging your achievements.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
Assertiveness isn’t something you can switch on overnight. It’s a journey of self-discovery, self-belief, and self-expression.
Remember, it’s not about controlling others or winning arguments. It’s about clear communication, mutual respect, and standing up for your rights while respecting others’.
It involves saying goodbye to habits that undermine our confidence and voice. But it also means embracing new habits that foster self-esteem and open communication.
At the core of this journey is the realization that your thoughts, feelings, and needs matter. They’re worth expressing and worth being respected.
So as you bid goodbye to these eight habits and step into the world of assertiveness, remember to be patient with yourself. Progress might be slow and there may be setbacks, but that’s okay. Keep going, keep growing, because you are worth it.
And in this journey of becoming more assertive, you’ll find not just a stronger voice, but a stronger sense of self.
