Ever wonder why some people instantly draw others in while others struggle to make a good impression?
It’s not all about having the perfect story or being the loudest in the room.
In fact, it often comes down to what you don’t do. Certain behaviors can quietly sabotage your chances of being interesting and likable, no matter how charming or confident you think you are.
If you want to genuinely connect with new people, it might be time to drop these habits.
1) Being a conversation hog
We’ve all been there – stuck in a conversation with someone who simply won’t stop talking about themselves.
This is a behavior that can quickly turn off new people. It gives the impression that you’re not interested in them, only in hearing your own voice.
A conversation is a two-way street. It’s just as important to listen as it is to speak.
Next time you’re meeting someone new, make a conscious effort to ask them questions and show genuine interest in their responses. It’s not about completely silencing yourself but finding a balance between sharing and listening.
2) Avoiding vulnerability
Are you hesitant to really open up to others?
It’s easy to put up walls to protect yourself from rejection or judgment, but avoiding vulnerability can make it difficult for others to connect with you on a deeper level.
As Brené Brown wisely said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
Basically, being vulnerable allows people to see the real you—your struggles, passions, and fears—which builds trust and intimacy in relationships.
Letting your guard down can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s the gateway to genuine connections. Showing vulnerability makes you relatable and invites others to be more open with you.
3) Negativity
I have been guilty of this one.
There was a time when I was constantly complaining about everything – the weather, work, even what’s on TV. And I noticed it started to push people away.
Negativity can be draining, and people don’t want to be around it. It’s like a dark cloud that can cast a shadow over even the most exciting and positive moments.
So, I made a conscious decision to change my perspective and approach things with a more positive outlook. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. I found that people were more receptive, and I was able to form stronger connections.
Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the bad but rather focusing on the good. It’s about changing your perspective. It’s definitely a habit worth cultivating if you want to be interesting and likable to new people.
4) Lack of eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful tool in communication. When used correctly, it can convey interest, understanding, and sincerity.
However, some people overlook or underestimate its importance. They’re either constantly looking at their phone, or their gaze is elsewhere. This can give off the impression that they’re not really interested or engaged in the conversation.
As the folks at Better Help note, “Making eye contact with others can improve our ability to understand their emotions, intentions, and beliefs, leading to greater empathy and understanding.”
It can also make you seem more trustworthy and likable.
Next time you’re in a conversation with someone new, let your eyes do the talking. Show them that you’re present and interested in what they have to say.
5) Wanting to always be right
We all have a natural desire to be right, but clinging too tightly to this desire can be off-putting.
It can create an atmosphere of competition rather than collaboration.
Not only does this behavior stifle open conversation, but it also prevents personal growth. After all, it’s through listening to different perspectives that we learn and grow.
Embrace differing opinions and see them as an opportunity to learn something new. It’ll make you more approachable and likable in the eyes of others.
6) Not being authentic
It’s tempting to “fake it until you make it,” especially when you’re trying to fit in or make a good impression.
I was guilty of this when I started my career—altering my interests, opinions, and even my style based on the people around me, all to blend in.
But what I didn’t realize was that by pretending to be someone I wasn’t, I was actually distancing myself from others.
People are drawn to authenticity. Being real and being yourself is powerful. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, that confidence is attractive, and others will naturally gravitate toward you.
Whether you’ve got a quirky sense of humor, an obscure taste in music, or an unusual hobby like bird-watching, embrace it. When you’re true to yourself, you attract people who genuinely appreciate the real you.
7) Always checking your phone
How often do you find yourself glancing at your phone during conversations?
This habit, known as “phubbing” (phone + snubbing), may seem harmless, but to the person you’re speaking with, it can come across as rude or uninterested.
Phubbing sends a clear message: whatever is happening on your screen is more important than the person in front of you. And as noted by researchers, it has “negative consequences on relationships and mental health.”
If you want to be more interesting and likable, make a conscious effort to put your phone away and give your full attention to the conversation.
Being present shows that you value the other person’s time and words, which can go a long way in building rapport and making a lasting impression.
8) Being judgmental
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” – Brad Meltzer
Passing quick judgments or making hasty assumptions about people can be a real turn-off. It creates a barrier in the conversation and can make the other person feel uncomfortable or defensive.
Everyone has their own journey, their own story. When we judge, we close ourselves off to understanding these unique experiences and perspectives.
Try to approach conversations with an open mind. Ask questions, show interest, and respect their views even if they’re different from yours.
This openness can make you more likable and interesting to new people. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a good, judgment-free conversation?
Final thoughts
Being more likable isn’t about having the best stories or being the loudest voice. It’s about letting go of habits that hinder genuine connection.
By listening more, being authentic, embracing vulnerability, and staying present, you’ll make lasting impressions and build stronger relationships.
Remember, it’s how you make others feel that truly counts.
