Happiness. We all want it, but let’s be honest, most of us look for it in the wrong places – mostly in others. But what if I told you that the key to happiness lies within you, not in others?
You see, our habits play a crucial role in shaping our happiness. Some habits pull us down, leaving us dependent on others for our joy. But what if we could ditch these habits and find happiness within ourselves?
In this article, I’m going to share with you eight habits you need to bid farewell to if you want to be truly happy without relying on anyone else.
Let’s get started.
1) Chasing approval
We all want to be liked, don’t we? It’s a universal human desire. But here’s the catch – when your happiness hinges on the approval of others, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
This is a habit many of us unknowingly cultivate. We try to please everyone around us, to fit into their idea of ‘perfect’. But in the process, we often compromise our own happiness and personal growth.
Consider this. Every time you say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’, every time you bend over backwards to meet someone else’s expectations, you’re placing your happiness in their hands. And that’s a risky business, my friend.
It’s time to break free from this habit. Start prioritizing your needs and desires over others’ opinions. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by someone else’s approval. It’s time to take charge of your own happiness.
No manipulation here – just simple, hard truth. It might be a tough pill to swallow, but trust me, it’s a step towards genuine happiness that comes from within not from others.
2) Negative self-talk
I’m going to share a personal experience here. There was a phase in my life when I was my own worst critic. I used to fall into the trap of negative self-talk, constantly belittling myself over every tiny mistake. “You can’t do anything right” or “You’re not good enough” became my mind’s default soundtrack.
And it took a toll on my happiness. I was perpetually under stress, always on edge, never content with anything I did. I depended on others to lift me up because I was always pulling myself down.
One day, I realized that this negative chatter inside my head wasn’t serving any purpose. It was just making me miserable and dependent on external validation for happiness.
So, I made a conscious decision to change this habit. Every time a negative thought popped up in my mind, I challenged it with a positive affirmation. Instead of “I can’t do this”, I began saying “I’ll try my best”.
Breaking free from negative self-talk wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. It not only boosted my confidence but also made me realize that my happiness didn’t depend on others; it depended on how I treated myself.
3) Comparing yourself to others
Did you know humans have been comparing themselves to others since the dawn of time? It’s a primal instinct rooted in our survival needs. Back in the day, comparing ourselves to others helped us understand where we stood in the food chain.
Fast forward to today, and this instinct of ours has taken a different turn. We’ve started comparing our lives, achievements and possessions with others’, leading to a constant state of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
The reality is, there will always be someone who is doing better than us – has a better job, a bigger house, or a more perfect family. But that doesn’t mean their life is happier than yours. Happiness doesn’t come from having more than others, but from finding contentment in what you have.
When you find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, remember – your journey is unique, and so is theirs. Focus on your own path and progress, not others’. Letting go of this habit can be a game-changer in your pursuit of happiness.
4) Holding onto grudges
Buddhism teaches us about the importance of forgiveness. Holding onto grudges and past wrongs only leads to suffering. It’s like carrying a heavy load on your shoulders that keeps you from moving forward freely.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into how forgiveness is a powerful tool for personal growth and happiness. One of the key teachings of Buddhism is to let go of anger and resentment to achieve peace of mind.
Holding onto grudges, on the other hand, makes you a prisoner of your past. It fosters negativity and breeds unhappiness. And the worst part? It makes you dependent on others for your happiness because you’re constantly waiting for them to right their wrongs.
But here’s the good news – you can choose to let go. It might not be easy, but it’s definitely possible. Practice forgiveness, not just for others but also for yourself. Free yourself from the chains of past hurts and open the door to a happier, more independent you.
5) Fear of change
There was a time when I was terrified of change. The thought of stepping out of my comfort zone, shaking up my routine, or taking on new challenges would send me into a tizzy. I clung onto the familiar and safe, even if it wasn’t making me happy.
But here’s what I learned: Change is the only constant in life. It’s inevitable. And more often than not, it’s also necessary for growth and happiness. By resisting change, I was only causing myself more distress and limiting my potential for happiness.
So I decided to embrace change. I took baby steps at first, like trying a new route to work or experimenting with a new cuisine. And with every step, I realized that change wasn’t as scary as I’d made it out to be. In fact, it was exciting and liberating.
If you’re stuck in a rut, unhappy but too scared to make a change, remember this – change is not an enemy; it’s an ally. It pushes you to evolve, learn, and grow. It helps you break free from dependence on others and find happiness within yourself. So don’t fear change; embrace it.
6) Pursuit of perfection
Now, this might seem a bit counter-intuitive. After all, shouldn’t we all strive to be the best we can be? But here’s the thing – there’s a fine line between striving for excellence and chasing perfection.
The pursuit of perfection is a trap. It creates unrealistic expectations and sets you up for constant disappointment. Because let’s face it – no one’s perfect. Not you, not me, not anyone. And that’s perfectly okay.
When you’re always striving for perfection, you’re never truly happy with what you have or who you are. You’re always looking at what you lack or what you could be, instead of appreciating what you have or who you are.
It also makes you dependent on external validation. You constantly seek others’ approval to validate your worth because you’re never quite satisfied with yourself.
Here’s a better approach – strive for progress, not perfection. Embrace your flaws. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. And most importantly, learn to be happy with who you are, as you are. This shift in mindset can do wonders for your happiness and self-reliance.
7) Living in the past or future
Our minds have a knack for time travel. We often find ourselves either reliving the past or worrying about the future. While it’s natural to reflect on past experiences or plan for the future, getting stuck in these time zones can rob us of our present happiness.
Living in the past can lead to regret, guilt, and bitterness. On the other hand, constantly worrying about the future can cause anxiety and stress. In both scenarios, we end up sacrificing our present happiness.
Moreover, this habit makes us dependent on external factors for our happiness. We keep waiting for things to change or for certain events to happen to be happy.
How about we shift our focus to the present? After all, the present moment is all we truly have. Let’s learn to appreciate it and find joy in it.
Living in the present enables us to take control of our happiness. It allows us to enjoy life as it unfolds, without relying on others or circumstances for our joy. It’s a habit worth cultivating if you want to be happy on your own terms.
8) Neglecting self-care
Here’s the most important thing you need to know about happiness – you cannot pour from an empty cup.
In other words, neglecting self-care is a surefire way to sabotage your happiness. When you’re constantly running on empty, pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion, you’re not just harming your physical health, but also your mental well-being.
Self-care isn’t just about pampering yourself with spa days or indulgent treats. It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It’s about setting boundaries, saying no when needed, taking time out for relaxation, and nurturing your passions.
When you prioritize self-care, you’re sending a powerful message to yourself – that you matter, that your happiness matters. And this can greatly boost your self-esteem and independence.
Don’t neglect self-care. Make it a non-negotiable part of your routine. Your happiness largely depends on how well you take care of yourself. So make self-care a priority, not an afterthought.
Reflecting on happiness
Our quest for happiness is a deeply personal journey, influenced by our habits, mindset, and choices.
The eight habits we’ve discussed here are common pitfalls that can keep us dependent on others for our happiness. By acknowledging and addressing these habits, we open up the possibility of finding joy within ourselves, independent of external factors.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into how the Buddhist philosophy can guide us on this path of self-reliance and internal happiness. This resource can offer deeper insights and practical tools to further your journey.
But remember, everyone’s journey is unique. What works for one person may not work for another. So, it’s important to stay open-minded, patient, and forgiving towards yourself as you navigate this path.
This introspective journey won’t always be easy. There might be setbacks and moments of self-doubt. But know that every step you take towards breaking free from these habits brings you closer to finding your own source of happiness.
After all, happiness is not a destination but a continuous journey of self-discovery and growth. And this journey becomes truly rewarding when we find joy within ourselves, independent of others.
