As parents, we all want a close, trusting relationship with our children that lasts well into their adult years.
But the truth is, some common parenting behaviors, though well-intentioned, may actually prevent the deep connection we hope to share with our children as they grow up.
Today, we’re exploring five habits that might be holding you back from building a lasting, meaningful bond with your kids.
Ready to create a foundation of trust and connection that stands the test of time?
Let’s dive in and see what to leave behind.
1) Being a dictator rather than a guide
When our kids are small, we’re essentially their dictators. Yes, I said dictators!
We make the rules, enforce boundaries, and protect them from harm. Sure, we may let them have some choices, but at the end of the day, we’re responsible for their safety and well-being.
As they grow, though, many of us hold onto this mindset—often without realizing it. But this can block the path to a deeper connection.
Teens and young adults need room to develop their own judgment, make decisions, and sometimes even learn from their mistakes. Remaining in dictator mode can create frustration and resentment, making it harder for your child to open up or feel understood.
Instead, think of transitioning to the role of a guide. Offer advice, share wisdom, and set boundaries where needed, but give them the space to learn and make their own choices.
This shift fosters trust, mutual respect, and a sense of independence that strengthens your bond and allows them to grow into confident, capable adults.
2) Being overly critical
Whether we like to admit it or not, many of us view our kids as a reflection of ourselves and our abilities as parents. We can see their flaws as though they’re our own, feeling responsible for every misstep they make.
Even with the best intentions, this mindset makes it easy to slip into the habit of being overly critical – like we might be of ourselves.
But here’s the truth: our kids aren’t mini versions of us. They are their own individuals, with their own strengths, weaknesses, and dreams.
Criticizing them constantly can harm our connection, leading them to feel misunderstood or unworthy. This is well backed by experts like Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, a parenting coach and psychologist, who has explained that “Parents who frequently criticize or dismiss their adult child’s feelings or achievements can inflict emotional harm, causing them to feel inadequate and unvalued.”
Instead, practice offering guidance with empathy and understanding. Rather than focusing on what they’re doing wrong, try to highlight their efforts and growth, even if they stumble. This helps them feel accepted and respected, allowing you to build a bond based on support rather than judgment.
3) Keeping up the appearance of being all-knowing
Do you often feel the pressure to have all the answers and always appear confident in our decisions in front of your kids?
I know I have.
When our kids are young, this can provide them with a sense of security—they look to us as their guide, and we feel responsible for maintaining that image of being all-knowing.
But as they grow older, keeping up this appearance can actually create distance. Kids, especially teenagers and young adults, become aware that no one has all the answers, and they appreciate honesty over perfection. When we insist on always being right, we risk coming across as rigid or unapproachable, which can make them less likely to turn to us when they face uncertainty.
As so well put by researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” Show them that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Admitting when you’re unsure, sharing stories of times you learned from mistakes, or simply saying, “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together,” can make a big difference.
Being vulnerable encourages trust, shows humility, and models a growth mindset. This helps them feel more comfortable coming to you, knowing you’re open to learning together rather than upholding an unrealistic standard of perfection.
4) Avoiding tough conversations
It’s natural to want to shield our kids from uncomfortable or difficult topics.
Whether it’s issues around relationships, mental health, or even personal mistakes we’ve made, it can feel easier to avoid these conversations altogether. But by steering clear of tough topics, we may miss valuable opportunities to strengthen our bond and show them that we’re there for the hard stuff, too.
Avoiding these conversations can leave kids feeling isolated or unsure where to turn. They might hesitate to share their own struggles, thinking certain subjects are off-limits, or worry about being judged.
Instead, try to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where your kids feel comfortable bringing up tough topics. It’s okay if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly; showing up honestly is what matters.
By embracing these challenging discussions, you’re letting them know you’re a safe, trusted source of support, which can build a deeper, lasting connection based on trust and openness.
5) Not admitting when you’re wrong
Last but not least, no one is perfect – not even us parents. We all make mistakes, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is refusing to admit when we’re wrong.
Your children look up to you. They learn from you. And when they see you owning up to your mistakes and apologizing, they learn a valuable lesson in humility and responsibility.
If you’ve messed up, don’t try to brush it under the rug. Admit your mistake, apologize, and show your children that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
This honesty not only teaches your children essential life values but also builds a stronger bond of trust and respect between you as they get older.
Final reflection: The journey is mutual
Building a lasting, meaningful bond with your children doesn’t mean being a perfect parent; it means being a present, understanding, and real one.
By letting go of habits that unintentionally create distance, you can foster a relationship built on trust, respect, and genuine connection.
I hope you found some value in this post. Here’s to a closer, lasting bond with your kids as they age!
