Narcissists often come across as charming, successful, or charismatic, making it hard to spot the deeper self-absorption and manipulation at play.
However, if you know what to look for, you can recognize the subtle yet toxic behaviors that often reveal a self-absorbed narcissist. These actions can damage relationships and personal confidence.
By understanding these eight behaviors, you’ll gain clarity on whether you’re dealing with a narcissist—and take steps to protect your boundaries and mental health. Here’s what to watch out for and how to respond.
1) They have a grandiose sense of self-importance
The first thing you’ll likely notice in a narcissist is an inflated sense of self-importance. In fact, psychologists say that it’s the defining characteristic of narcissism.
Indeed, self-absorbed narcissists often see themselves as superior beings, deserving of constant admiration and attention.
This isn’t just a high self-esteem we’re talking about. It’s a skewed perception where they genuinely believe they’re more important or talented than others.
Their conversations are typically centered around their achievements and greatness. There’s little room for others’ experiences or thoughts.
In the way they carry themselves, the stories they tell, and how they interact with others, this exaggerated sense of self-importance is a common thread.
2) They lack empathy towards others
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s the capacity to place oneself in another’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling.
Unfortunately, it’s a trait that narcissists often struggle with. They find it hard to empathize with others, especially when it doesn’t serve their interests.
Their world revolves around their own feelings, needs, and desires. As a result, they often disregard or minimize other people’s emotions and experiences.
It’s a fundamental disconnect that can make interactions with them feel shallow and one-sided. They might seem uninterested or dismissive when you share your feelings or experiences.
3) They react intensely to criticism
Interestingly, while self-absorbed narcissists may lack empathy for others, they are extremely sensitive when it comes to themselves. This is especially true when faced with criticism or perceived slights.
Despite their grandiose sense of self-importance, narcissists often have a fragile self-esteem underneath. As a result, they tend to react negatively and intensely to criticism, even if it’s constructive or minor.
You might notice them becoming defensive, lashing out, or even retaliating when they feel criticized. This is because any suggestion of imperfection threatens their inflated self-image.
In their minds, they’re above reproach. So, instead of accepting feedback or making changes, they might redirect the blame or dismiss the criticism altogether.
This hypersensitivity to criticism, coupled with their lack of empathy, creates a dynamic where they can dish it out but can’t take it. It’s a subtle but telling sign you’re dealing with a self-absorbed narcissist.
4) They manipulate and exploit others
Ever felt like you’re being used or manipulated by someone in your life?
Sadly, this is a common tactic employed by self-absorbed narcissists. They are often skilled manipulators, using others to serve their own needs and desires.
This manipulation can take many forms. It might be emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or even blatant lies. All with the aim of bending others to their will.
They see relationships not as mutual partnerships but as opportunities for personal gain. People are often seen as tools or stepping stones, rather than individuals with their own needs and feelings.
This exploitative behavior isn’t about occasional selfishness – we all do have moments when we prioritize our needs. It’s about a consistent pattern of using others without considering the impact on them.
5) They exhibit a sense of entitlement
Because they have an inflated sense of self-importance, it naturally follows that narcissists have a profound sense of entitlement. They carry an underlying belief that they deserve more than others, which can manifest in various ways:
- Expecting special treatment or privileges
- Believing the rules don’t apply to them
- Demanding constant attention and admiration
- Getting irate when they don’t get their way
For those around them, it can feel draining and thankless, as if they’re merely extras in the narcissist’s personal show.
This entitlement isn’t just an attitude—it’s a mindset that demands everyone else adapt, conform, and sacrifice, leaving little room for genuine connection or mutual respect.
6) They constantly need validation
Let’s be honest here, we all crave validation to some extent. It’s a basic human desire to feel seen, heard, and appreciated. But with self-absorbed narcissists, it’s a bit different.
In my experience, I’ve noticed that narcissists have an insatiable need for validation. They thrive on admiration and approval from others. Without it, they can feel threatened or devalued.
Their self-worth is often dependent on external validation. They constantly seek compliments, praise, or recognition to maintain their inflated self-image.
It’s important for us to realize that this isn’t about an occasional need for reassurance or recognition. We all have those moments. This is about an excessive and constant need for validation that often disregards the feelings and needs of others.
7) They often play the victim
Imagine this: you confront someone about a problem in your relationship, and suddenly, they twist the narrative to make it about how they’ve been wronged. Sound familiar?
This is a common behavior among self-absorbed narcissists. They have an uncanny ability to play the victim, especially when their behavior is called into question.
Instead of owning up to their actions, they divert attention by painting themselves as the ‘wronged party’. They might use stories of past hurts or perceived injustices to deflect blame or gain sympathy.
The scenario often goes like this: You bring up an issue, and they turn it around with a “What about the time when you…” or “You think you’ve got it bad, well let me tell you…”.
Have you ever found yourself apologizing in such situations, even when you were the one initially hurt or upset? Does it seem like their hardships always overshadow yours?
If so, chances are, you’re dealing with a self-absorbed narcissist.
8) They struggle with genuine intimacy
I remember a friend of mine, a kind-hearted person, who was in a relationship with someone she later realized was a self-absorbed narcissist. She often mentioned how their relationship felt superficial and lacked emotional depth.
You see, narcissists often struggle with genuine intimacy. They might charm and engage in the beginning, but as the relationship unfolds, their self-centeredness becomes apparent.
Their need for constant validation and lack of empathy can create an emotional barrier, making it difficult for them to form deep, meaningful connections.
Let’s face it — it’s hard for a relationship to go any deeper if it’s one-sided and focused mainly on one partner’s needs and desires.
What’s next after recognizing these behaviors?
Recognizing these subtle behaviors is just the first step. Once you’ve identified that you’re dealing with a self-absorbed narcissist, it’s natural to wonder what to do next. Here are a few things to consider:
- Setting boundaries: Narcissists often take advantage of lax boundaries. It’s essential to establish and maintain clear boundaries to protect your well-being.
- Practicing self-care: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health is crucial.
- Seeking professional help: If you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, therapy can provide valuable tools and strategies to navigate the situation effectively.
Understanding narcissism isn’t about labeling or judging people. It’s about equipping ourselves with the knowledge to better navigate our relationships and interactions.
As you reflect on these subtle behaviors and what they mean for your relationships, remember – knowledge is power. The more aware we are, the better we can handle complicated dynamics and look after our own emotional health.
