If your parent yelled at you, you know they were mad; if they ignored you, you knew they were disappointed.
Parents play a fundamental role in shaping who we become, but not all parenting is selfless.
In some cases, parents may exhibit selfish behaviors that affect their children in lasting ways.
These behaviors can be subtle, but they often have a profound impact on how we perceive ourselves and our relationships later in life.
Sometimes, discerning the character of our parents takes more than just reading their moods—especially when it comes to spotting selfishness.
If you recognize these eight signs, you may have been brought up by a deeply selfish parent:
1) Their lack of emotional support
Feeling upset is like being caught in a storm—you feel drenched, lost, and helpless, longing for a safe and warm shelter.
In some cases, that’s where parental support is supposed to come in.
However, highly selfish parents tend to be emotionally unavailable, leaving you to weather your emotional storms alone.
Sure, they may have been physically present, but emotionally? Not so much—like being alone in a crowd and you’re surrounded, but still feel lonely.
2) Their needs always came first
As a kid, I remember wanting to go to the park on Sundays—but it never happened.
Instead, we would always end up at the golf course because my father had a standing tee time.
It didn’t matter that I had been looking forward to the swing set all week or that I had invited a friend to come over—his golf game was always more important.
These selfish parents have a knack for putting their needs and desires above everyone else’s, even their own children’s, by making plans that suit them and leaving little room for what their children might want or need.
3) Their lack of interest in your life
Imagine this: An article, published by the Mirror, found that the average parent spends only about 34 minutes per day in direct interaction with their children.
Now, if your parent was barely managing even that, you probably felt like you were talking to a wall most of the time.
Parents, who are notorious for being selfish, often show little to no interest in their children’s lives.
It’s not just about knowing your favorite color or what you like to eat, rather it’s about genuinely wanting to know who you are, what excites you, what scares you, what your dreams are.
4) Their inconsistent affection
Affection is like sunshine for a child’s growth—it’s essential, nurturing, and should be consistent.
But, in the world of a selfish parent, it’s not.
Instead, their love and attention often feel like a roller coaster ride—one moment it’s all smiles and praises, the next, it’s cold shoulders and harsh words.
And the worst part? Their affection often comes with strings attached, like it’s given as a reward or taken away as a form of punishment.
If your parent’s affection felt more like a transaction than genuine love, then I’m very sorry that you had to live through their selfishness.
5) They rarely admitted to being wrong
I remember when I was around 10, I pointed out a mistake my mother made in a recipe.
Instead of acknowledging it, she snapped at me, insisting that she was right.
Reflecting on those moments now, I realize it was about her inability to admit to being wrong.
Majority, if not all, of these selfish parents have a hard time accepting their mistakes—whether it’s a minor slip-up or a major error, they would rather blame others or make excuses than own up to it.
6) They were overly generous
Hold on, isn’t generosity a good thing? Typically, yes, but not when it’s used as a tool for manipulation.
In the world of a selfish parent, extravagant gifts and grand gestures often serve as a smokescreen—they use them to win favors, to make up for their emotional absences, or to make themselves look good in front of others.
Genuine parental love, however, is about the thought, the care, and the love that comes along with it.
If you recall one of your parents (or both) often using material possessions as a substitute for genuine affection and emotional availability, then it’s disheartening sign that they were, indeed, selfish.
7) They compared you to others
Comparison is the thief of joy, especially when it comes from your own parent.
A selfish parent often uses comparison as a tool to control or manipulate by compare you with your siblings, your friends, or even themselves when they were your age.
This constant comparison not only breeds insecurity and self-doubt, but also serves as a convenient way for them to shift blame and responsibility.
Instead of acknowledging their own parenting flaws, they put the blame on you for not ‘measuring up’.
8) Made you feel guilty for their mistakes
This is, by far, the most damaging and heartbreaking sign of all.
A deeply selfish parent has a knack for twisting situations and manipulating emotions to their advantage.
They’re the type of parents that make you feel guilty for their shortcomings, their mistakes, and their failures—some even expecting for you to fix them and save them from their troubles.
This constant guilt trip can leave you questioning your own worth and feeling responsible for their happiness.
Closure: Recognizing is the first step
If you’ve made it this far, you may be experiencing a mix of emotions—and that’s completely okay.
Acknowledging that you were raised by a deeply selfish parent is tough as it takes courage, resilience, and, most importantly, self-awareness.
But recognizing these signs is the first step toward healing, moving forward, and understanding how your upbringing has shaped you and why you are the way you are.
Just remember this quote by renowned psychologist Carl Jung, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
If anything, keep in mind that you were a good kid; if you were to become a parent one day (or, maybe, you already are a parent), make sure to never follow the footsteps of your selfish parent/s.
For enduring all the emotional hurt, taking a toll on your mental health, it’s best to be the better parent and teach your children what genuine parenting feels like.
Your past doesn’t define you—you do!
