These days, the word “narcissist” gets bandied around a lot, with most people thinking that anyone who takes too many selfies or talks a bit too much about themselves must be one.
But true narcissism goes deeper and is more disruptive than simple self-absorption.
A textbook narcissist is more complicated and potentially more damaging. They can weave a web of manipulation and deceit that’s hard to escape from.
Fortunately, psychology can help us identify certain behaviors that indicate narcissism.
And trust me, recognizing these signs can save you a lot of heartache and confusion.
Here are 9 such behaviors that indicate you’re dealing with a textbook narcissist.
1) They’re always the center of attention
First up — narcissists love being in the spotlight. They crave attention and admiration from others.
It’s not enough for them to just be part of a group or a conversation.
No, they have to be the center of it.
And they’re good at it too. They often use charm, charismatic storytelling or dramatic actions to draw attention towards themselves.
But here’s the catch.
Their need for constant admiration and validation can become draining for those around them, because eventually it will come to light that they aren’t really concerned with creating a bond.
For narcissists, it’s always about reinforcing their own importance and superiority. This brings me to the next point…
2) They exhibit grandiose behavior
That inflated sense of importance that narcissists have also leads to other behaviors that scream grandiosity.
This behavior isn’t just about having confidence or high self-esteem — it’s about believing they are fundamentally better than everyone else.
This grandiosity can manifest in various ways:
- Exaggerated achievements and talents
- Expectation of constant praise and admiration
- Belief that they are unique and can only be understood by other special people
- Dreams of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
These are not just passing moods or attitudes. They are deeply ingrained patterns of behavior that define the way narcissists interact with the world around them.
So if you notice these traits in someone, you could be dealing with a textbook narcissist.
3) Lack of empathy is their trademark
One of the hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
For most of us, empathy comes naturally. We wince when we see someone in pain.
We feel joy when our loved ones are happy. It’s what allows us to connect with others on a deep, emotional level.
But for narcissists? Not so much.
You see, narcissists find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.
To them, emotions and feelings are foreign concepts that they can’t quite grasp.
Ever tried explaining a sunset to someone who’s never seen colors? That’s what it’s like for them.
This isn’t because they’re intentionally trying to be cold or unfeeling. The simple truth is, they just don’t understand how to empathize.
4) They are hypersensitive
This might sound contradictory, especially considering their lack of empathy.
How can someone who struggles to understand others’ feelings be so sensitive themselves?
Well, that’s the complexity of narcissism.
Narcissists are notoriously thin-skinned. They are highly reactive to criticism, no matter how minor.
They perceive any form of disagreement or challenge as a personal attack.
While they may appear confident and self-assured on the outside, their self-esteem is actually quite fragile.
They rely heavily on external validation to boost their ego, and any threat to this fragile self-image is met with defensiveness or even outright aggression.
Don’t mistake this sensitivity for empathy though. Their reactions are not about understanding your perspective but protecting their own inflated self-image.
Such extreme sensitivity to criticism is another behavior you’ll observe when dealing with a textbook narcissist.
5) They’re masters of manipulation
Ever found yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do, all to keep someone happy?
This could be a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are experts at manipulation.
They can twist situations, words, and even your own feelings to serve their needs.
And they do it in so many ways, like:
- Guilt-tripping
- Playing the victim
- Love-bombing
- Blowing hot and cold
- Gaslighting
It’s a constant game of emotional tug-of-war that could end with you questioning your own perception, memory or sanity.
If you find yourself feeling confused, doubting your own judgment, or constantly trying to please someone despite your better instincts, it’s time to take a step back.
You might just be in the grip of a narcissist’s manipulative tactics.
6) They’re always right
In my experience, one of the most difficult things to deal with when interacting with a narcissist is their insistence on always being right.
We all like to think that our opinions are correct, don’t we? But for narcissists, it’s not just a preference — it’s a compulsion.
They believe they’re always right, and they won’t hesitate to dismiss or belittle others’ opinions.
It’s like having a conversation with a brick wall.
No matter how logical or reasonable your argument might be, it will fall on deaf ears if it contradicts their point of view.
Let’s face it, we all make mistakes and have room to grow. But narcissists? They can’t accept this.
They see admitting fault or error as an attack on their self-image.
7) They rarely show genuine remorse
Imagine this: you’re having a heated argument with someone. Harsh words are exchanged, feelings get hurt.
But when the dust settles, instead of an apology, all you get is a dismissive shrug or a nonchalant “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Does it sound familiar?
Narcissists rarely show genuine remorse. Sure, they might apologize if it serves their purpose or to maintain their image.
But a heartfelt acknowledgment of wrongdoing just isn’t their style.
They often resort to defensive tactics, such as deflecting the blame, playing the victim, or even outright denying the offensive behavior.
Why would they admit they are wrong when they believe they’re always right? Why would they apologize when they don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong?
In the rare cases they do feel remorse, it still has to do with the effects on them, not on the person they’ve hurt.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Mary Ann Little explains in VeryWellMind, “When a narcissist feels guilt, it’s usually a result of what their mistake might have cost them rather than genuinely feeling bad about hurting someone else.”
8) They take more than they give
Let me share a little story with you. I had a friend who was always the life of the party, charming everyone with his wit and charisma.
But when it came to lending a hand or offering support, he was nowhere to be found.
He was always happy to receive favors, but when it was time to reciprocate, there was always an excuse.
Birthdays, milestones, or even tough times were often overlooked unless they served his interests.
This is a common trait among narcissists: they are takers rather than givers.
They expect others to go out of their way for them, but rarely return the favor. They take your time, your energy, and sometimes even your self-esteem.
Narcissists view relationships as a means to get what they want, without much regard for the other person’s needs or feelings.
A pattern of one-sidedness — that’s textbook narcissism for you.
9) They have a sense of entitlement
If there’s one thing that stands out in a narcissist, it’s their profound sense of entitlement.
This is, perhaps, the most telling sign of all.
Narcissists firmly believe that they deserve more than others, simply because they consider themselves special.
They feel entitled to the best of everything — the best treatment, the most respect, the biggest portions.
They expect others to cater to their needs without having to ask. They believe that rules and social norms don’t apply to them.
If they don’t get what they feel they’re entitled to, they react with impatience, anger, or even blatant disregard for others’ feelings.
This unwarranted sense of entitlement, the belief that the world owes them something just for being who they are, is the final and most significant behavior indicating you’re dealing with a textbook narcissist.
What can you do if you’re dealing with a narcissist?
Recognizing that you’re dealing with a narcissist is the first step. But what comes next? How can you navigate such a challenging relationship?
While every situation is unique, here are some general strategies that might help:
- Set clear boundaries: Narcissists will take as much as you’re willing to give. Setting limits can help protect your time, energy, and mental health.
- Practice self-care: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Prioritize your own well-being and seek support when needed.
- Stay grounded: Narcissists are experts at gaslighting. Holding onto your perspective and trusting your judgment is crucial.
One thing is clear — it’s not your responsibility to change a narcissist. But you can change how you respond to them.
I hope this article has provided some clarity and understanding. If you recognize these behaviors in someone around you, remember – you’re not alone.
There are resources and support available to help you navigate this challenging situation.
Take care of yourself, and remember: everyone deserves respect and kindness in their relationships.
