Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles we’ll ever take on.
As much as we want to do our best, it’s easy to fall into habits that we think are harmless but can actually leave a lasting impact on our children.
Over time, these patterns can create resentment, especially as kids grow older and start reflecting on their upbringing.
No parent is perfect, and this isn’t about beating yourself up—it’s about being aware. By identifying and letting go of certain behaviors, you can build stronger, healthier relationships with your children that stand the test of time.
Let’s explore eight habits that can cause resentment and how saying goodbye to them can help you create a foundation of trust and respect with your kids.
1) Ignoring their feelings
Emotions are a tricky business, especially for kids.
One moment they’re over the moon because they’ve found a new bug in the garden, and the next they’re on the verge of tears because their favorite toy broke.
As a parent, you might think these emotions are fleeting and unimportant. But to them, these feelings are as real and significant as any you experience.
If you constantly brush off their emotions or tell them they’re overreacting, they may start to feel unheard and misunderstood.
This habit, although seemingly harmless at first, can build resentment over time.
If your child is upset because their ice cream fell on the floor, don’t just dismiss it with a “it’s just ice cream”. Instead, try to understand why it matters so much to them.
Empathy goes a long way in strengthening your bond with your children. So start by acknowledging and respecting their feelings, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.
2) Being a helicopter parent
Let me tell you, this one hits close to home.
When my eldest started kindergarten, I had this need to protect her from everything. I’d hover around, ready to swoop in at the slightest sign of trouble.
But over time, I realized that my constant interference was doing more harm than good. It was like I was inadvertently telling her that she wasn’t capable of handling things on her own.
What’s worse, my overbearing attitude began causing tension between us. She started pulling away, clearly resenting my endless “protection”.
I learned the hard way that being a helicopter parent can stifle your child’s independence and breed resentment.
Instead of hovering, try to step back. Allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. It’s tough, but it’s an essential part of growing up – both for them and for you.
3) Not practicing what you preach
As a parent, it’s easy to lay out a set of rules for your children. “Don’t raise your voice”, “Always say please and thank you”, “No phones at the dinner table”, and so on.
But kids, they’re sharp observers. They notice if you’re bending the rules you set for them. And when they see this discrepancy, it can lead to resentment.
If you’re telling them not to yell, but then you lose your cool in traffic, it sends a mixed message. It tells them that rules are flexible, and respect is conditional.
So, here’s the thing – if you want your kids to follow the rules, make sure you’re following them too.
Being a good example can be annoyingly hard. But trust me, it’s worth the effort.
4) Not setting boundaries
Speaking of rules, did you know that children actually thrive when they have clear boundaries? It’s true, research supports it.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re being strict or harsh. It just means you’re providing a safe framework within which your kids can explore and grow.
What happens if you don’t?
Well, the lack of boundaries can lead to feelings of insecurity and instability. Without clear guidelines, kids might feel like they’re walking on eggshells, never quite sure what’s allowed and what’s not.
This can breed resentment over time.
So, don’t be afraid to set boundaries. It might seem counterintuitive, but having rules in place can actually make your kids feel more secure and less likely to harbor resentment as they get older.
5) Failing to admit your mistakes
Let’s face it, none of us are perfect, and that includes us parents too.
We mess up, we make mistakes, and sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us. And that’s okay, it’s human.
But where we often go wrong is in not admitting those mistakes to our kids.
See, when you don’t own up to your errors, your kids can feel like they’re always the ones being blamed for everything that goes wrong. This can lead them to harbor resentment over time.
Admitting when you’re wrong shows them that it’s okay to make mistakes and more importantly, it’s okay to take responsibility for them.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s one that can save you a lot of heartache down the line.
So next time you mess up, don’t just brush it under the carpet. Own it, apologize and show your kids how they should handle their own mistakes when they inevitably make them.
6) Not giving them space
Have you ever felt suffocated by someone’s constant presence or attention? It’s pretty uncomfortable, isn’t it?
Now, imagine how your kids might feel if you’re always breathing down their necks, never giving them a moment to themselves.
I know it comes from a place of love and concern. You want to be involved in their lives, to guide them and protect them. But there’s a fine line between being involved and being intrusive.
Kids need space to grow, to explore, to make their own decisions and learn from their consequences.
If they feel like every move they make is being scrutinized or controlled, they might start to resent you over time.
Give them a little breathing room. Let them have their own space and time to just be kids. This way, you’ll show them that you respect the person they are.
7) Comparing them with others
How often have you heard, or maybe even said, “Look at how well your cousin is doing,” or “Why can’t you be more like your friend?”
It’s a common parenting pitfall. We think that by comparing our kids with others, we’re motivating them to do better.
But here’s the thing – comparisons rarely inspire. More often than not, they breed resentment and damage self-esteem.
Your child is unique, with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. They don’t need to be like anyone else.
So instead of comparing them with others, celebrate their individuality. Applaud their efforts, encourage their strengths and support them in their weaknesses.
8) Neglecting to show affection
Lastly, how much do you show your child how much you love them?
This might seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how often it gets overlooked.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, amidst the tantrums and the homework and the chores, it’s easy to forget to do this.
But really, your love and affection is what your kids crave the most. Even more than the latest toys and gadgets.
A simple hug, a pat on the back, a word of praise – these little gestures can mean the world to them.
But if they feel like you’re always too busy, too tired or too distracted to show them any affection, it can breed resentment over time.
So don’t shy away from showing your love. Make it a point to tell your kids every day how much they mean to you. That’s how you build a relationship that will stay healthy long after they’ve grown up.
