Some people just have a natural way of making conversations flow effortlessly. Others… not so much.
The way we communicate says a lot about us—our confidence, emotional intelligence, and even how we handle relationships.
And while no one gets it right 100% of the time, there are certain phrases that signal poor social skills almost instantly.
These aren’t just awkward slip-ups; they can make you seem unaware, dismissive, or even rude—without you even realizing it. If someone regularly uses these phrases, chances are they struggle to connect with others in a meaningful way.
Want to make sure you’re not one of them? Here are 8 phrases to watch out for in any conversation.
1) “No offense, but…”
If someone says “No offense, but…” you can almost guarantee that whatever comes next is going to be offensive.
This phrase is a classic sign of poor social awareness. It’s often used as a weak attempt to soften a rude or critical statement, but in reality, it does the opposite—it signals that the person knows they’re about to say something inappropriate and chooses to say it anyway.
People with strong social skills understand that tact and honesty can go hand in hand. Instead of using this phrase as a shield for unnecessary criticism, they find a way to express their thoughts with kindness and respect.
So if you catch yourself saying “No offense, but…,” take a step back. There’s probably a better way to phrase what you’re about to say—or maybe it doesn’t need to be said at all.
2) “I’m just being honest”
I used to have a coworker who would say, “I’m just being honest” every time he made a harsh or unnecessary comment.
At first, I thought he was just straightforward, but over time, I realized it was more of an excuse to say whatever he wanted without considering how it made others feel.
One day, we were in a team meeting, and someone presented an idea they had worked hard on.
His response? “This is a waste of time. I’m just being honest.” You could see the disappointment on our colleague’s face, but instead of adjusting his approach, he acted like honesty gave him a free pass to be rude.
People with good social skills know that honesty doesn’t have to be blunt or hurtful. There’s a difference between being truthful and being insensitive.
If you find yourself using this phrase often, ask yourself—are you really being honest, or are you just using it as an excuse to avoid being considerate?
3) “Calm down”
Telling someone to “calm down” almost never has the intended effect. In fact, it usually does the opposite—it makes people even more frustrated.
When someone is upset, their brain is already in a heightened emotional state. Studies have shown that strong emotions can temporarily reduce activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and decision-making.
That means when you tell someone to “calm down,” they’re not in the best position to process it logically. Instead, they’re more likely to feel dismissed or invalidated, making their emotions even stronger.
People with good social skills understand that acknowledging someone’s feelings is far more effective than trying to shut them down. A simple “I understand why you’re upset” or “Let’s talk through this” can go a long way in diffusing tension—without making things worse.
4) “It’s just a joke”
If you have to explain that something is “just a joke,” chances are, it wasn’t very funny to begin with.
This phrase is often used to deflect responsibility after saying something hurtful or inappropriate. Instead of acknowledging that their words may have upset someone, the person shifts the blame onto the listener—implying that they’re too sensitive or can’t take a joke.
But a well-timed joke doesn’t need defending, and humor shouldn’t come at the expense of others.
People with strong social skills know how to read the room. They understand when a joke lands and when it doesn’t—and more importantly, they’re willing to own up to it if they’ve crossed a line.
If you find yourself saying “It’s just a joke” often, it might be time to rethink your sense of humor.
5) “Whatever”
Few words shut down a conversation faster than a dismissive “Whatever.”
This phrase signals indifference, frustration, or even passive aggression. It tells the other person that you’re not interested in engaging with them or their perspective—whether in a disagreement, a discussion, or even casual conversation.
Instead of resolving issues or contributing meaningfully, “Whatever” cuts things short and leaves the other person feeling unheard.
People with good social skills understand that communication is about connection, not avoidance. Even if you don’t fully agree with someone, responding with curiosity or understanding will always get you further than shutting them down.
If “Whatever” is your go-to response, ask yourself: Is this helping the conversation—or just ending it?
6) “You always” / “You never”
Few things feel worse in a conversation than being told, “You always do this” or “You never do that.”
These phrases aren’t just unfair—they’re also inaccurate. No one always or never does something.
But when we use these absolutes, we paint the other person into a corner, making them feel defensive rather than understood. Instead of solving a problem, it turns the conversation into a battle of right and wrong.
Healthy communication is about expressing concerns without attacking the other person’s character. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I don’t feel heard when this happens.”
A small shift in wording can make a big difference—it turns conflict into connection and blame into understanding.
7) “I’m not trying to be rude, but…”
This phrase might seem harmless, but it rarely leads to anything positive. More often than not, it’s a setup for something blunt, critical, or unnecessarily harsh.
I used to think prefacing a statement this way softened the impact. That as long as I acknowledged I wasn’t trying to be rude, the other person would take my words less personally.
But I learned the hard way that it doesn’t work like that. Instead of making criticism easier to hear, it just made people brace for something negative. Worse, it made me sound like I knew my words might hurt—but I was saying them anyway.
The truth is, if you feel the need to add this disclaimer, it’s worth reconsidering how you’re about to phrase what you say.
Kindness and honesty aren’t opposites—you can be direct without being hurtful. And sometimes, the best way to get your point across is to say it in a way that makes the other person actually want to listen.
8) “That’s just the way I am”
Saying “That’s just the way I am” might seem like a statement of self-acceptance, but more often than not, it’s an excuse to avoid growth.
This phrase usually comes up when someone is called out for negative behavior—whether it’s being overly blunt, dismissive, or difficult to work with. Instead of considering how their words or actions affect others, they use this line to shut down any possibility of change.
But the truth is, social skills aren’t fixed traits—they’re something we can all improve with effort and awareness.
People who communicate well understand that personal growth and strong relationships go hand in hand.
Instead of clinging to limiting beliefs about themselves, they stay open to feedback and recognize that change isn’t about losing who you are—it’s about becoming a better version of yourself.
Bottom line: Words shape connections
The way we communicate has a direct impact on how others perceive us and how we build relationships.
Neuroscientists have found that conversations activate multiple areas of the brain, influencing emotions, trust, and even decision-making.
Words aren’t just sounds—they shape interactions, define relationships, and determine whether we connect with or push away the people around us.
The phrases we use can either open doors or quietly close them. Small shifts in language can mean the difference between making someone feel heard or making them feel dismissed.
And at the heart of it all, social skills aren’t about saying the perfect thing every time—they’re about being aware of how our words affect others and choosing them with intention.
