There’s a distinct line between having a strong personality and a toxic one.
This difference often boils down to respect. A person with a strong personality can be assertive without disrespecting the feelings or opinions of others.
However, a toxic person will often bulldoze through conversation, disregarding anyone else’s input entirely. Usually, they’ll use certain phrases that reveal their true colors.
In this article, we’re going to delve into nine phrases that indicate someone might just have a toxic personality. The aim isn’t to label or judge people but to help you navigate conversations more effectively.
Let’s get started.
1) “I’m just being honest”
Navigating around the murky waters of toxic personalities isn’t always easy. But some phrases can serve as your compass.
Take the phrase, “I’m just being honest.” On the surface, it seems positive. After all, honesty is a virtue, right?
However, when people frequently use this phrase, it’s often a cover-up for their rudeness or insensitivity. They might use it to justify hurtful comments, ignoring the impact of their words on others.
It’s a classic move in the toxic person’s playbook. They say something offensive and then try to shift the blame onto you for reacting to their ‘honesty’.
There’s a difference between honesty and disrespect. Genuine honesty respects the feelings of others and strives to communicate in a kind manner. Toxic honesty, on the other hand, disregards empathy and uses truth as a weapon.
2) “You’re too sensitive”
One phrase that has always raised red flags for me is “You’re too sensitive.” I remember an old friend who used to dismiss my reactions to her hurtful comments with this phrase.
On the surface, it seems harmless. Maybe I was being too sensitive? But over time, I realized this was her way of invalidating my feelings and deflecting responsibility for her actions.
Using this phrase, she made it seem like the problem wasn’t her hurtful words, but my reaction to them. It shifted the blame from her to me, making me question my own feelings and emotional responses.
This is a common tactic used by those with toxic personalities. They use it to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to manipulate others into feeling guilty for their natural emotional responses.
3) “I don’t see what the big deal is”
When you hear the phrase “I don’t see what the big deal is”, it’s often a sign that someone is trying to downplay the impact of their actions on others.
This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a psychological manipulation tactic meant to make a person question their own sanity or perception of events.
Interestingly, the term gaslighting originates from a 1938 play called “Gas Light”, where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s going mad by subtly changing elements in her environment and denying these changes.
In conversations, when someone frequently uses this phrase, they’re essentially trying to undermine your feelings or experiences. They’re making it seem as if you’re overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.
This is one way a toxic personality maintains control and avoids accountability for their actions. So next time you hear this phrase, recognize it for what it is: an attempt to manipulate your perception of reality.
4) “But what about me?”
Have you ever been in a conversation where you’re sharing something important, only for the other person to shift the focus back to themselves with a phrase like “But what about me?”
This type of behavior is a classic sign of a toxic personality. It’s a clear indication of someone who lacks empathy and has a hard time focusing on anyone other than themselves.
Instead of acknowledging your feelings or experiences, they divert the conversation back to their own concerns or issues. This can make you feel unheard and unimportant, which is precisely the intent.
Such individuals often thrive on being the center of attention and struggle to share the spotlight.
5) “If you really knew me…”
The phrase “If you really knew me…” can be a subtle sign of a toxic personality. It’s often used as an excuse for bad behavior, implying that understanding their past or their personal struggles should make you more tolerant of their actions.
It’s a way for them to play the victim card and manipulate you into feeling guilty for holding them accountable. This phrase seeks to shift the blame and responsibility from them to you, making you feel like you’re in the wrong for not understanding them better.
While empathy is important in any relationship, it should never be used as an excuse for toxic behavior. Everyone has their struggles, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to treat others poorly.
6) “You owe me”
The phrase “You owe me” can be a heart-wrenching sign of a toxic personality. It’s often used to manipulate and control others through guilt and obligation.
A truly healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding, not debts and obligations. True kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. It doesn’t require payback or hold favors over someone’s head for leverage.
When someone frequently uses this phrase, it’s a clear indication they’re not acting out of genuine care or friendship, but rather to create a sense of indebtedness. They’re using their past actions to justify their current demands.
This can be emotionally draining and make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to repay an unpayable debt.
Remember, you don’t owe anyone the cost of your peace of mind. If someone frequently uses this phrase to control or manipulate you, it might be time to reassess that relationship.
7) “I’m doing this for your own good”
When someone constantly insists that they’re acting “for your own good,” it may seem thoughtful at first.
However, in the hands of a toxic personality, this phrase is often used to justify controlling or invasive behavior.
Rather than respecting your boundaries, they impose their beliefs or decisions on you, dismissing your opinions or feelings.
This phrase is a subtle way to mask manipulation as care, making it difficult for you to voice any objections without seeming ungrateful.
8) “Everyone agrees with me”
Another red flag is when someone insists, “Everyone agrees with me,” especially in moments of conflict.
This phrase is often used to validate their opinions by suggesting that the majority shares their perspective. In reality, it’s a tactic to undermine your point of view and create a sense of isolation.
Toxic individuals use this to make you feel outnumbered or at fault, even if they haven’t actually consulted anyone else.
It’s a method of control, attempting to pressure you into compliance.
9) “I guess I’m just a terrible person, then”
The phrase “I guess I’m just a terrible person, then” is a form of passive aggression that deflects responsibility.
Rather than addressing issues constructively, toxic individuals use this line to play the victim and guilt-trip you.
It’s a tactic to make you feel bad for bringing up concerns, forcing you to comfort them instead of resolving the issue at hand.
Healthy individuals acknowledge mistakes without resorting to self-pity to shift the focus.
