There’s a thin line between influence and manipulation, and it all boils down to intent.
When you’re trying to influence someone, you’re coming from a place of genuine concern or desire for mutual benefit. But if you’re manipulating, well, let’s just say your motives aren’t as pure.
Manipulation can be subtle, sneaky even. The masters of manipulation are skilled at hiding their true intentions. They have a set of behaviors they use to get what they want without you even realizing it.
This article is about recognizing those tricks. We’re going to look at the 9 tell-tale signs that someone is trying to manipulate you. Here’s a hint – it’s not always as obvious as you think.
1) They’re always playing the victim
Manipulation can be a sneaky business. And one of the sneakiest tricks in the manipulator’s handbook is the victim card.
We’ve all met someone who seems to have an uncanny knack for always being the victim, no matter what the situation. It’s as if they’re continually caught in a vortex of misfortune, and somehow, it’s never their fault.
This is a classic manipulation tactic. By presenting themselves as the victim, they manage to deflect attention from their actions and place it on their supposed misfortunes.
It’s a clever way to gain sympathy and control without you even realizing what’s happening. And before you know it, you’re bending over backward trying to help them, often at your own expense.
2) They twist your words
Oh boy, do I have a story to tell you about this one.
A while back, I had a friend – let’s call her Jane. Jane had a unique talent for turning the simplest conversations into complex riddles. I would say something straightforward, and she’d take my words, twist them around, and throw them back at me in a way that left me second-guessing myself.
For instance, I remember once when I told her that I felt she was not putting enough effort into our friendship. Instead of addressing my concern, she turned it around and said, “So you’re saying I’m a bad friend?”
That wasn’t what I had said at all. But she twisted my words so cleverly that I found myself apologizing and reassuring her instead of discussing the original issue.
This kind of manipulation is subtle but incredibly effective. It’s designed to make you question your own thoughts and feelings, creating self-doubt. And when you’re filled with self-doubt, it becomes easier for the manipulator to control you.
3) They use guilt trips
Guilt is a powerful emotion. It can make us do things we wouldn’t ordinarily do, and manipulators know this all too well.
Using guilt as a tool for manipulation is as old as time itself. In fact, research has shown that even children as young as three years old have been observed using guilt to get what they want from their parents or peers.
The manipulator will often make you feel guilty for things that are out of your control or not your responsibility. They might say things like, “If you really cared about me, you would…” or “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
Such statements are designed to make you feel indebted to them, thereby giving them power over your decisions.
4) They gaslight you
You might have heard the term ‘gaslighting’ thrown around a lot these days. But what does it really mean?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions. It’s like being in a psychological hall of mirrors, where every reflection distorts your sense of truth.
For instance, a manipulator might deny that a conversation or event took place, even when you’re sure it did. Or they might insist that you said or did something you didn’t.
The aim is to make you doubt your own sanity. And when you’re constantly questioning yourself, it’s easier for them to control and manipulate you.
5) They control through dependency
Creating a sense of dependency is another classic manipulation tactic. The aim here is to make you feel so reliant on them that you feel you can’t make decisions without their input or approval.
This could range from financial dependency, where they control the purse strings, to emotional dependency, where they position themselves as your only source of happiness or comfort.
They might subtly undermine your confidence or discourage you from pursuing opportunities that could lead to independence. The idea is to keep you tied to them, making it easier for them to control and manipulate your actions and decisions.
If you find yourself feeling helpless or overly reliant on someone, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and independence, not control and dependency.
6) They exploit your fears and insecurities
This one hits close to home, not just for me, but for many of us. We all have fears and insecurities – they’re part of being human. But a manipulator sees these not as areas of vulnerability to be protected, but as weapons to be exploited.
It’s a cold-hearted tactic, but incredibly effective. They’ll use your deepest fears and insecurities against you, making you feel unworthy, unloved, or inadequate. The goal is to break you down, make you feel small and powerless.
Perhaps they know you’re insecure about your looks or your abilities, so they subtly belittle or criticize you. Or maybe they’re aware of your fear of abandonment, so they threaten to leave or withdraw their affection.
It’s a cruel game and one that can leave deep emotional scars. If someone is consistently using your fears or insecurities against you, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.
7) They give you the silent treatment
I remember a time when I was in a relationship with someone who would go completely silent whenever we had a disagreement. No matter how much I tried to communicate, to understand what was wrong, I was met with a wall of silence.
This is a classic manipulation tactic known as the silent treatment. It’s a way of punishing you without saying a word. The silence is deafening and can be incredibly damaging to your emotional wellbeing.
The intent is to make you feel anxious, guilty, and desperate to resolve the situation. It’s a power play designed to make you feel in the wrong, even when you’re not.
8) They make you feel indebted
Reciprocity is a powerful social norm. When someone does something for us, we naturally feel a strong urge to return the favor. But manipulators can twist this norm to their advantage.
They might do something nice for you, but not out of genuine kindness. Instead, it’s a strategic move designed to make you feel indebted to them. They might remind you of their favor repeatedly or imply that you owe them something in return.
This tactic can leave you feeling obligated to comply with their demands, even when you don’t want to. It’s a subtle form of control that can be hard to resist.
9) They never take responsibility
If there’s one thing you should know about manipulators, it’s this – they rarely take responsibility for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault, never theirs.
They might blame you, their circumstances, their past – anything but themselves. It’s a way of avoiding accountability and maintaining control.
This lack of responsibility is a major red flag. It shows a refusal to acknowledge their actions’ impact, which is a crucial component of empathy.
