I’ve learned something crucial from my years as a competitive athlete: no matter how hard you train or how many trophies you collect, respect doesn’t come with a medal ceremony. It’s something you earn by consistently showing up as your best self. And the good news is, you don’t need a stadium of fans cheering you on to cultivate real respect. Sometimes it’s about what you don’t do.
Below are eight social mistakes to avoid if you want people to respect you quickly—and genuinely. I’ve sprinkled in a little psychology (plus a personal story or two) to give these points the depth they deserve.
1. Stop Talking Over Others
Ever been stuck in a conversation where you can’t get a word in because the other person won’t pause for breath? That’s the fastest way to lose anyone’s respect. Interrupting screams, “What I have to say matters more!” If you catch yourself jumping in mid-sentence, take a beat and listen instead.
Quick fix: Remember the words of Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, who emphasized active listening as a cornerstone of genuine understanding. Ask open-ended questions, then actually hear the answers.
2. Quit One-Upping Everyone’s Stories
Did your friend just mention her trip to Italy? Don’t respond with a 20-minute saga about how you once backpacked across Europe on two euros a day and befriended a traveling alpaca (unless someone specifically asks). One-upping is a surefire way to make people feel small—instant disrespect.
Back in my athlete days, I used to brag about my latest achievements without realizing how deflating it could be for someone else. I’ve come to learn that mutual respect grows when you celebrate others more than you celebrate yourself.
3. Ditch the Phone Distraction
Nothing says “I don’t respect your time” like scrolling through social media while someone’s talking. We’re all guilty of checking notifications mid-conversation—social media is practically designed to grab our attention. But if your eyes are glued to your phone, people will assume you don’t care about them.
Put your phone on silent or face down during catch-ups. The less you scroll, the more genuine connection you’ll create. And genuine connections = more respect.
4. Stop Gossiping
Gossip is like junk food for your social life: tempting in the moment, damaging in the long run. When you indulge in rumors or trash-talk, you’re essentially telling everyone around you that you can’t be trusted with sensitive information.
According to social-cognitive theory, we learn about each other through observation. People quickly pick up on who spreads rumors—and they file that away as “potential threat.” Want long-term respect? Keep secrets secret and steer clear of the rumor mill.
5. Let Go of Being Right All the Time
If you’ve made an art of hijacking dinner table debates to prove you’re the smartest person in the room, it’s time to retire that act. Sure, knowledge is power—but forcing it on others can come across as arrogance. Respect isn’t about winning; it’s about shared understanding and growth.
Instead of pushing your point until you see eyes glazing over, say, “I might be wrong, but here’s how I see it. What do you think?” This small shift opens the door for healthy dialogue, not a lecture.
6. Don’t Over-Apologize (But Own Up When It Counts)
Ever felt awkward around someone who apologizes for everything—like breathing too loudly or existing in your personal space? Constant apologies can undermine your authority and make you seem insecure. On the flip side, when you really mess up (we all do at times), step up and own it.
After my athletic career ended, I struggled with feeling “less than” in new professional circles, so I started apologizing for every little thing—typos, a late email response, you name it. Eventually, I realized I was sabotaging my credibility. Over-apologizing made me look uncertain. Now, I save my apologies for times when I truly owe one—and that’s gone a long way in earning others’ respect.
7. Avoid Chronic Complaining
We all need to vent occasionally—life can be tough! But if you turn every conversation into an avalanche of complaints, people will flee your negativity faster than I used to sprint the 100-meter dash.
Next time you want to unload your troubles on a friend, pair it with a possible solution. “This situation sucks, and here’s what I’m thinking of doing about it.” That solution-oriented mindset shows resilience—a trait that naturally commands respect.
8. Get Rid of Defensive Body Language
Crossed arms, rolling eyes, or turning away from someone might seem small, but these subtle cues can scream, “I’m not interested or I don’t trust you.” And trust is a building block of respect.
If you notice you’re tensing up or crossing your arms, unclench and open your posture. Make eye contact, nod occasionally, and lean in slightly. Even when a topic is uncomfortable, being open in your body language signals confidence and respect for the other person’s viewpoint.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to stand on a winners’ podium to be worthy of respect—sometimes it’s about letting go of habits that undercut your value. Small daily changes in how you listen, communicate, and carry yourself can lead to big transformations in how others perceive you. And as Brené Brown famously said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.” So take a chance on changing these subtle social mistakes. Chances are, you’ll find people start respecting you more—no trophy required.
