I remember a time when I’d anxiously open my social media apps every hour, waiting to see if someone had reacted to my posts.
A new heart icon felt like applause for my existence, while a small number of likes sent me spiraling into self-doubt.
Looking back, I realize those moments weren’t just about validation. They revealed parts of me that were insecure.
I’ve seen the same pattern in friends, clients, and even strangers who seem glued to their screens, refreshing their feeds for the next hit of approval.
Maybe you’ve noticed it too—friends who can’t go five minutes without checking how many people “hearted” their selfie. It’s easy to judge them as shallow or overly obsessed.
But I believe there’s always a deeper story behind every behavior. Our need for constant external affirmation often points to hidden fears and doubts we’d rather not admit.
So let’s explore what really goes on beneath this habit. Here are eight insecurities that can fuel a compulsive urge to track our likes.
1. They question their own self-worth
One of the biggest insecurities I notice is a shaky sense of self-esteem.
People who check their like counts every few minutes may be chasing evidence that they matter. It’s as if each thumbs-up or comment says, “Yes, you’re worth noticing.”
I’ve been there—I used to crave reassurance when I felt I wasn’t good enough on my own.
According to Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability and shame, we often look outward for proof we deserve love.
A quick glance at the like counter becomes a shortcut to feeling accepted. But the real work happens within.
When I finally made a point to remind myself of my strengths—like my knack for storytelling or my ability to empathize—my mood stopped hinging on how many likes I got.
If you suspect you’re searching for worthiness on social media, try writing down three things you appreciate about yourself. Read them whenever you catch yourself scrolling.
2. They fear being irrelevant
Sometimes, we all worry about fading into the background.
When I started working in branding and marketing, there was a constant push to stay “on the radar.” It was easy to believe that if people didn’t notice my posts, I would become invisible.
I’ve seen close friends in creative fields experience the same fear—they’ll post updates, stories, and videos, then obsessively check the responses.
Underneath that might be an underlying fear of irrelevance. If nobody comments, it can feel like shouting into the void.
Harvard Business Review has tackled this anxiety, explaining how modern culture places a premium on staying relevant.
However, stepping back to focus on meaningful contributions—whether that’s a heartfelt blog post or a genuine conversation—often matters more than quick bursts of attention.
When you invest in a project or community offline, you’re reminded that your importance doesn’t hinge on fleeting online metrics.
3. They feel left out of real belonging
Have you ever worried you won’t fit in if people don’t “like” what you share?
I used to panic that not enough comments on my posts meant I was disconnected from my peers.
In truth, it’s human to want a sense of belonging. Social media can trick us into thinking that a certain number of likes equals community acceptance.
I’ve noticed that those who constantly check their notifications might secretly be yearning for a deeper sense of connection. They fear being on the outside looking in.
Psychology Today often stresses how genuine community is built through trust, vulnerability, and shared experiences.
Online affirmation is nice, but it’s not always an accurate reflection of true closeness.
When I started hosting in-person meetups and workshops, I realized my sense of belonging came more from face-to-face exchanges than from digital applause. It helped ease that nagging feeling of being left out.
4. They are driven by fear of missing out
We’ve all heard of FOMO—fear of missing out.
Social media amplifies that anxiety because there’s always something happening somewhere else, and it’s easy to assume everyone else is having more fun.
I remember feeling uneasy when scrolling through party photos or networking event highlights I didn’t attend. So I’d post more often to compensate, and then check for likes to reassure myself I wasn’t being left behind.
This insecurity makes people keep one eye glued to their screens. They’ll check, double-check, and triple-check the engagement on their updates just to confirm they’re part of the action.
One tip that helped me was scheduling phone-free periods during the day.
If I didn’t see other people’s “highlight reels,” I was less tempted to compare and feel I was missing something. That alone cut my urge to constantly peek at my notifications.
5. They struggle to define personal identity
At times, I’ve caught myself thinking, “If enough people like this version of me, maybe that’s who I really am.”
It sounds dramatic, but social media can blur our sense of identity.
If likes become a measure of what parts of your life people approve or disapprove of, you might shape your personality around what gets the most attention.
Adam Grant once wrote about how our sense of self can be too dependent on external feedback. Social media can become an echo chamber telling you what you should or shouldn’t do to be accepted.
When you’re constantly refreshing your feed, it can hint at confusion about who you are at the core.
Try this: jot down what you value, what lights you up, and who you want to be, regardless of public opinion. That clarity helps you show up as your true self—likes or no likes.
6. They need external validation to feel accomplished
I used to think, “If people don’t like my post, did I really accomplish anything?”
Looking back, I see how flawed that line of thought can be.
We all crave acknowledgement for our work, whether we’re artists, entrepreneurs, or parents sharing proud moments. Yet when external applause becomes the main benchmark of our success, it reveals a lingering doubt in our intrinsic worth.
I’ve come across articles in Forbes discussing how focusing solely on external markers can limit genuine creativity and progress.
Chasing validation can be an exhausting game that never ends. Instead, I started defining my accomplishments by my own standards—like finishing a difficult project or seeing real change in a client’s life.
That internal sense of achievement slowly replaced the need for a big thumbs-up count.
7. They compare themselves to others
Comparison is such a common trap.
I’ve fallen into it countless times—opening my feed to see colleagues with more followers or friends who always seem to get double the engagement on their posts.
And when I’d see how many likes they had, I’d rush to check my own. If my numbers fell short, I felt inadequate.
This comparison mentality signals uncertainty. People scroll for proof that they’re “good enough.”
But as Brené Brown often says, comparison is the thief of joy. When we’re busy measuring ourselves against others, we rarely celebrate our unique journey.
If you notice yourself doing this, try limiting who you follow. Focus on accounts that inspire you instead of triggering envy. Celebrate your wins, however small, and remind yourself that each journey has its own pace.
8. They’re unsure about setting boundaries
Sometimes, constant like-checking masks a deeper issue: an inability to set boundaries around technology.
I’ve watched friends get anxious the moment they wake up, reaching for their phones before they’ve even had a sip of coffee.
This routine can reveal an underlying insecurity about missing a critical piece of information or letting people down if they don’t respond immediately.
Simon Sinek talks about how technology can overwhelm us when we don’t have clear rules for ourselves.
I learned this the hard way when I started losing sleep because I felt compelled to answer every comment in real time.
Creating boundaries—like turning off notifications at night or blocking out phone-free hours—helped me break that cycle.
Once I recognized it was possible to live without constant engagement, I finally felt freer and less controlled by external feedback.
Conclusion
We all want to feel valued, safe, and part of something bigger.
It’s natural.
But relying on likes as a litmus test for worthiness highlights some hidden insecurities that can keep us stuck.
From questioning our self-esteem to fearing irrelevance, these anxieties can quietly shape our behavior if we don’t take time to notice them.
The good news is we have the power to shift our perspective. Real growth happens when we look within.
If you find yourself refreshing your feed every hour, try a simple exercise: commit to a 24-hour break from checking your phone.
Write down any anxious thoughts that crop up. Do you worry about being forgotten? Feeling irrelevant? Missing out?
Use those notes to explore where you might need self-compassion or clearer boundaries.
You might be surprised by how much clarity you gain when you step back. Instead of letting the number of likes define you, define yourself—and let the world meet the real you, both online and off.
