Ever heard the saying, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family”?
Well, I beg to differ.
As parents, we may not get to select our children (I mean, that would be weird, right?), but we do have a say in the kind of relationship we cultivate with them as they grow older.
Many believe that the parent-child bond naturally weakens after kids fly the nest – that it’s inevitable. But is it really?
Here’s my nugget of wisdom for today:
Psychology suggests otherwise. It tells us that there are seven key traits parents who enjoy a lasting, loving relationship with their grown children possess.
Intrigued? I thought you might be.
These traits are not about grand gestures or monumental efforts. They’re about the small, everyday interactions and the authenticity behind them.
They’re the little things that make a big difference.
So, if you’re sitting there wondering, “How can I maintain a strong relationship with my grown child?” then you’ve come to the right place.
In the next paragraphs, we will delve into these traits one by one and discover how they can help nurture and sustain an enduring relationship with your adult offspring.
Let’s get started, shall we?
1) Open communication
First, let’s talk about communication.
No, I don’t mean the obligatory “How was your day?” type.
I’m referring to open, honest, and meaningful conversations.
Think back to when your kids were little. Do you remember how they’d ask a million questions a day?
Well, just because they’re grown doesn’t mean they’ve stopped having questions, thoughts, or feelings.
Parents who maintain strong relationships with their adult children are those who cultivate an environment where open communication is encouraged and valued.
They make it okay to discuss the tough stuff. The awkward stuff. The happy, the sad, and everything in between.
More importantly, they listen. They don’t just wait for their turn to speak – they truly hear what their child is saying.
And guess what? This approach doesn’t just strengthen your bond with your kids.
It also gives you a chance to continue growing and learning from one another.
After all, isn’t that what life is all about?
2) Respect for boundaries
On to the next trait. Boundaries.
I remember when my daughter first moved out for college.
I was a mess. I missed her so much that I found myself calling her multiple times a day, every single day.
One day she gently told me, “Mom, I love you, but I need some space to figure things out on my own.”
Ouch, right?
But here’s the thing. She was absolutely right.
Establishing and respecting boundaries is essential in maintaining a healthy relationship with your grown children.
It’s about understanding that they are adults now, capable of making their own decisions and leading their own lives.
This doesn’t mean you can’t offer advice or help when needed. But it’s equally important to let them navigate their own path and learn from their experiences.
Believe me, it’s not always easy to step back. But doing so shows respect for their independence and personal growth.
And let’s be honest, isn’t that what we’ve been preparing them for all these years?
3) Acceptance
Let’s talk about acceptance. Not just the nodding-your-head kind, but the deep-in-your-heart kind.
As parents, we have dreams and expectations for our children. We envision their futures, often painting a picture that mirrors our personal values and aspirations.
But here’s a hard pill to swallow:
Our children are not us.
They have their own dreams, their interests, their paths to tread. Sometimes these align with ours, other times they don’t.
And that’s okay.
One of the most beautiful aspects of parenting is witnessing our children unfold into their unique selves.
Parents who maintain lasting relationships with their grown children are those who accept them for who they truly are.
They appreciate their individuality, even when it deviates from what they had imagined for them.
Yes, it can be tough to let go of our expectations and hopes. But in doing so, we open up a space for genuine connection – a connection that celebrates authenticity and fosters mutual respect.
After all, isn’t love about accepting someone, not in spite of their differences, but because of them?
4) Consistent support
Whether they’re 5 or 50, our children will always have a special place in our hearts.
And while their needs might change as they grow older, our role as their support system doesn’t.
Parents who maintain a lasting relationship with their grown children are those who provide consistent support.
I’m not necessarily talking about financial support (although that can certainly be part of it). I’m referring to emotional and moral support.
Being there for them when they need a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, or just someone who believes in them when they’re doubting themselves.
Supporting them doesn’t mean solving their problems for them. It means standing by their side as they tackle life’s challenges, offering guidance when asked, and cheering them on every step of the way.
Support isn’t about controlling their journey. It’s about empowering them to confidently navigate their own path.
Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what true support really is?
5) Regular contact
Did you know that the simple act of staying in touch can significantly strengthen the bond between parents and their grown children?
It’s true.
Adult children who have regular contact with their parents are more likely to feel loved and appreciated.
In today’s digital age, staying connected is easier than ever. A quick text message, a video call, or even a like on social media can go a long way in maintaining that warm connection.
Of course, it’s not just about quantity but quality. It’s about meaningful interactions, not just routine check-ins.
Parents who maintain a lasting relationship with their grown children understand this. They make an effort to stay involved in their lives, showing interest in their experiences and sharing their own.
This regular contact helps build a sense of belonging and continuity, nurturing the parent-child bond over time.
No matter how old they get, your children will always value knowing that you’re there for them, just a call or text away.
6) Unconditional love
Life can be messy. We all make mistakes, take wrong turns, and sometimes, let others down.
Your grown children are no exception.
They too, will stumble and fall. They will make choices that you may not agree with, and face consequences that might be hard to watch.
But here’s the thing:
Parents who maintain a lasting relationship with their grown children are those who love them unconditionally, through thick and thin.
They offer a safe haven of acceptance and love, even when the world seems harsh and unforgiving.
They understand that while they can’t protect their children from life’s ups and downs, they can provide a soft place to land when things get tough.
And in these moments of vulnerability, their love shines the brightest.
Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what family is all about? Offering unconditional love and support, no matter what.
7) Adaptability
Life is a constant ebb and flow of changes. Our relationships, including those with our grown children, are no exception.
Parents who maintain a lasting relationship with their grown children are those who are adaptable.
They understand that as their children grow and evolve, so too must their relationship with them.
They embrace change, rather than resist it. They adjust their expectations and learn to relate to their grown children as adults, not just as their little ones.
This adaptability allows them to foster a relationship that is flexible, resilient, and most importantly, enduring.
Because maintaining a lasting relationship isn’t about clinging to the past, but growing and evolving together in the present.
Final thoughts
As we journey through this rollercoaster called parenting, it’s natural to question our approach, especially when our children transition into adulthood.
But remember this – you don’t have to be perfect to maintain a lasting, loving relationship with your grown children.
These seven traits are not a checklist, but a guide. They serve as a reminder that the bond between parents and their adult children can continue to grow and deepen.
Note when you’re embracing open communication or showing unconditional love. Acknowledge when you’re respecting boundaries or adapting to changes in the relationship.
And most importantly, realize that it’s okay to stumble and learn along the way.
As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
As you reflect on these traits, remember to extend that acceptance not just towards your grown children, but also towards yourself.
After all, isn’t the heart of parenting – at any stage – about growing together in love and understanding?
