Growing up, I always thought adulthood would be a smooth transition—something you’d ease into naturally, step by step. But for some people, life doesn’t give you that luxury.
Some of us are forced to grow up fast, whether it’s due to family struggles, financial responsibilities, or simply being thrust into situations where you had to act like the adult in the room long before you were ready.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
In this article, I’ll break down 7 common habits that people who grew up fast tend to develop later in life—habits backed by psychology and real-world insights.
Whether these habits help or hinder you often depends on your self-awareness and how you choose to embrace them. Let’s get started.
1) They become hyper-independent
One of the first things I’ve noticed about people who were forced to grow up fast is their deep sense of independence—almost to the point of being hyper-independent.
When you’ve had to take on adult responsibilities as a child or teenager, you learn pretty quickly that relying on others isn’t always an option.
You become your own problem-solver, your own safety net, and sometimes even your own source of emotional support. It’s a survival mechanism that often carries over into adulthood.
On the surface, this habit can look like strength—and in many ways, it is. Being self-reliant means you’re capable of handling a lot on your own.
But here’s the flip side: it can also make it hard to ask for help, even when you really need it. You may feel like leaning on others will somehow make you weak or vulnerable, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Remember, strength isn’t just about standing alone; it’s also about knowing when to let others support you.
2) They struggle with setting boundaries
For me, one of the hardest habits to unlearn was saying “yes” to everything and everyone.
Growing up fast meant I often had to put other people’s needs ahead of my own—whether it was stepping into a parental role for younger siblings, helping out financially, or just trying to keep the peace in a chaotic environment.
Over time, this turned into a pattern where I felt responsible for everyone’s happiness but my own.
Psychologist Brené Brown has a quote that hit me hard when I first came across it: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
That sentence stopped me in my tracks because it made me see boundaries not as selfish walls but as a form of self-respect.
If this resonates with you, start small. The next time someone asks for something that truly feels like too much, pause and ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel obligated?”
You’ll be surprised at how empowering it can feel to choose yourself once in a while.
3) They become overly self-critical
One thing I’ve always struggled with—though it took me years to even realize it—was how hard I am on myself. People who grew up fast often develop a relentless inner critic, and I’m no exception.
For me, this showed up in everything from work to relationships. I remember one time at my first job out of school, I made a minor mistake on a report—nothing catastrophic, but it felt like the end of the world to me.
My boss was understanding and brushed it off as no big deal, but I couldn’t let it go. I spent the entire weekend beating myself up over it, replaying the situation in my head and thinking about how I “should have done better.”
Learning to soften that inner voice has been life-changing for me. One thing that helped was keeping a journal where I’d write down my critical thoughts but then challenge them with kinder responses—almost as if I were comforting a friend.
It felt awkward at first, but over time, it helped me see that perfection isn’t the goal, and mistakes are just part of being human.
4) They become people-pleasers
People-pleasing becomes second nature when you’ve spent your formative years trying to keep the peace or earn approval in a chaotic or demanding environment. It’s like you’re wired to believe that your worth is tied to how much you can do for others.
What’s interesting is that this isn’t just anecdotal. There’s actual research that backs it up. A study published in the Journal of Social Psychology found that people with a history of early-life stress or adversity are more likely to engage in people-pleasing behaviors as adults.
Recognizing this pattern was such a turning point for me. I started asking myself tough questions: Was I doing something because I genuinely wanted to, or because I was afraid of disappointing someone?
Slowly but surely, I began setting small boundaries—like saying “no” to plans when I needed rest or expressing my own preferences instead of just going along with what others wanted.
If you find yourself stuck in people-pleasing mode, take a moment to pause before agreeing to something.
Ask yourself: “Am I saying yes because it aligns with my values and energy, or because I’m afraid of what might happen if I say no?” That pause can make all the difference in reclaiming your time and energy for what truly matters.
5) They struggle to trust others
If there’s one thing growing up fast often teaches you, it’s that the world isn’t always a safe or reliable place. For many of us, being forced to take on responsibilities too early meant learning to rely on ourselves because others—whether it was parents, caretakers, or authority figures—weren’t always dependable.
And while self-reliance can be a strength, it can also come with a downside: struggling to trust others as an adult.
Psychology backs this up. Research published in Development and Psychopathology found that children who grow up in unstable or high-stress environments are more likely to develop insecure attachment styles as adults.
These attachment styles often involve difficulty trusting others and a tendency to stay emotionally guarded.
What helped me begin to shift this was realizing that trust is something you build gradually—it doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. I started small: sharing little things about myself with people I felt safe with and seeing how they responded.
Over time, those small acts of vulnerability proved to me that not everyone would let me down—and even when they did, I had the resilience to handle it.
6) They have a hard time relaxing
Growing up fast often means being in a constant state of “go, go, go.” Whether it’s because you had responsibilities piled on you or lived in an environment where things could go wrong at any moment, you learn to always stay alert, ready to react.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
That quote hit me hard when I first read it because I realized my inability to relax wasn’t just about external pressures—it was also about my internal resistance. I wasn’t allowing myself to believe that I deserved rest or peace.
If you’re like me and struggle to relax, give yourself permission to take 10 minutes a day to do something purely for enjoyment—without guilt.
Whether it’s reading a book, meditating, or just sitting quietly with your thoughts, remind yourself that rest isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
7) They appear strong but fear vulnerability
For me, this habit played out in my relationships. I was always the “strong one” who had it all together, the person people could lean on during tough times. But when it came to sharing my own struggles or emotions, I’d shut down completely.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to connect—I did—but something deep inside me believed that showing weakness would scare people away or make me seem “less than.” So, I kept everything bottled up, even when I desperately needed support.
What helped me begin to shift this was practicing vulnerability in small, safe ways. For example, instead of putting on a brave face all the time, I started telling close friends when I was having a rough day—something as simple as saying, “Honestly, I’m struggling right now.” It didn’t feel easy at first; in fact, it felt uncomfortable and awkward.
But what surprised me was how people responded with kindness and understanding. Instead of pulling away, they leaned in closer.
If you find yourself avoiding vulnerability despite appearing strong, try this practical exercise: The next time someone asks how you’re doing, resist the urge to say “I’m fine” automatically.
Embrace your past, but don’t let it define you
Growing up fast leaves its mark, shaping the habits and mindsets you carry into adulthood. But here’s the good news: these habits aren’t set in stone.
Awareness is the first step toward change, and now that you’ve recognized these patterns, you have the power to rewrite them.
Start small. Practice setting boundaries, letting others in, or giving yourself permission to rest without guilt. Don’t expect perfection—growth is a process.
Remember, your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define your future. Take it one step at a time, and focus on building habits that align with the life you truly want. You owe it to yourself.
