We all want strong, meaningful relationships with our kids.
But sometimes, despite our best efforts, we feel a distance growing—one that’s hard to explain.
The truth is, maintaining a close bond isn’t just about love and good intentions. It’s also about the little things we do (or don’t do) every day, often without realizing their impact.
Some habits can slowly push our kids away, even when we think we’re doing the right thing. And the hardest part? Most of us don’t see it happening until that gap feels too wide to cross.
If you’ve ever wondered why your relationship with your child feels strained, it might be because of these eight subtle but powerful behaviors.
1) They don’t really listen
Talking to your kids is important—but listening to them is even more so.
It’s easy to assume we know what they’re trying to say or to brush off their concerns as small or unimportant.
But when kids feel unheard, they stop opening up. Over time, they learn that sharing their thoughts and feelings doesn’t get them anywhere, so they start keeping things to themselves instead.
The tricky part? Most parents don’t realize they’re doing this. They might be distracted, too quick to give advice, or simply not giving their child the time to fully express themselves.
But real connection comes from making them feel understood. That means putting down the phone, making eye contact, and truly listening—not just waiting for your turn to talk.
2) They dismiss their child’s feelings
I’ll never forget the time my daughter came to me in tears because her best friend didn’t want to sit with her at lunch. Without thinking, I said, “Oh, don’t be upset about that. It’s not a big deal—you’ll be friends again tomorrow.”
I meant well. I wanted to comfort her, to help her move past the pain. But instead, I watched her face fall as she quietly nodded and walked away. In that moment, I realized what I had done—I had dismissed her feelings instead of validating them.
Kids experience emotions just as deeply as we do, even if their problems seem small from an adult perspective. When we brush off their worries, no matter how trivial they seem to us, we teach them that their emotions don’t matter.
Over time, this creates distance—they stop coming to us because they don’t feel truly seen or heard.
I’ve learned to respond differently now. Instead of minimizing her feelings, I say, “That sounds really hard. Do you want to talk about it?” And just like that, she knows I’m in her corner.
3) They try to fix everything
When a child shares their struggles, many parents jump straight into problem-solving mode. It’s a natural instinct—we don’t want to see our kids hurt, so we immediately search for solutions.
But constantly fixing things for them can actually do more harm than good. Studies show that children develop stronger emotional resilience when they’re given the space to work through their own challenges rather than having an adult step in right away.
Of course, guidance and support are important. But sometimes, kids don’t need answers—they just need to be heard.
Instead of offering a solution immediately, try asking, “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?” More often than not, they’ll appreciate the chance to process their feelings on their own terms.
4) They expect perfection
No parent thinks, “I expect my child to be perfect.” But sometimes, our words and reactions send that message anyway.
When kids feel like they have to meet impossibly high standards—whether it’s in school, sports, or behavior—they may start hiding their struggles out of fear of disappointing us.
Over time, this can create emotional distance, as they begin to see us as someone they must impress rather than someone they can turn to for support.
Mistakes and failures are part of growing up. Instead of focusing only on achievements, it’s important to celebrate effort, progress, and resilience. The more kids feel safe making mistakes around you, the more likely they are to stay close and keep sharing their world with you.
5) They don’t admit when they’re wrong
I used to think that being a good parent meant always having the right answers, always knowing best.
But the truth is, I’ve made plenty of mistakes—times when I was too harsh, too impatient, or just plain wrong.
For a long time, I struggled to admit those moments to my kids. I thought saying “I’m sorry” would make me seem weak or undermine my authority. But what I didn’t realize was that refusing to acknowledge my mistakes was creating distance between us.
Kids notice more than we think. When we mess up and don’t take responsibility, they don’t just forget about it—they remember. And over time, it teaches them that admitting fault isn’t something we do in this family.
Now, when I overreact or make a bad call, I try to own up to it. A simple “I shouldn’t have said that” or “I was wrong, and I’m sorry” goes a long way in building trust. If I want my kids to be open and honest with me, I have to be willing to do the same.
6) They give too much advice
It seems like giving advice would be one of the best ways to stay connected with your child—after all, isn’t it our job to guide them?
But sometimes, too much advice can actually push them away. When every conversation turns into a lesson, kids start to feel like they’re being lectured rather than understood.
Instead of coming to us for support, they may start keeping things to themselves just to avoid another round of “here’s what you should do.”
I’ve learned that what kids often need most isn’t advice—it’s a safe space to express themselves. Instead of jumping in with solutions right away, I try asking questions like, “What do you think you should do?” or simply saying, “That sounds really tough.”
More often than not, they figure things out on their own—but they still know I’m here when they need me.
7) They don’t share anything about themselves
We spend so much time trying to understand our kids—what they like, what they’re feeling, what’s going on in their world.
But how often do we let them see our world?
It’s easy to fall into the habit of only asking questions and rarely sharing anything personal in return. But when kids don’t know much about you—your thoughts, your experiences, even your struggles—they may start to feel like the relationship is one-sided.
Opening up doesn’t mean oversharing or burdening them with adult problems. It just means letting them see that you’re human, too.
Telling them about a mistake you made at work, a funny story from your childhood, or even something small like what book you’re reading can make a big difference.
When kids feel like they know you—not just as a parent, but as a person—it strengthens the bond in ways that constant questioning never could.
8) They don’t make time for real connection
Love isn’t enough to keep a relationship strong—time and attention matter just as much.
It’s easy to assume that being around your child means you’re spending time with them, but real connection doesn’t happen in the in-between moments of daily life. It happens when you’re fully present—when you put away distractions, step out of routine, and truly engage with them.
Kids know when they have your full attention and when they don’t. A few minutes of undivided focus, whether it’s playing a game, going for a walk, or just sitting and talking, can mean more than hours spent in the same room while your mind is elsewhere.
If there’s one thing that keeps a relationship strong, it’s this: making time for your child like they’re the most important person in the world—because to them, you are.
Why small moments matter most
If you’ve read this far, you probably care deeply about your relationship with your child—and that already puts you on the right path.
Parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present, paying attention, and being willing to grow alongside your child.
Because in the end, it’s not the big lectures or grand gestures that build a close relationship. It’s the everyday moments—the conversations at the dinner table, the way you listen when they talk, the times you show up when they need you most.
Those small moments? They add up to something much bigger. And those are the ones they’ll remember.
