If you yell at your kids, you know they’ll be upset. If you ignore them, you know they’ll feel neglected. That’s parenting 101.
But the truth is, it’s not always that simple. The reality is that to build a strong, healthy, and lasting relationship with your kids that extends into their adulthood, you need to dig deeper.
Letting go of certain behaviors can be a game-changer.
I’m talking about 8 specific behaviors here that could be standing in the way of you and your grown-up child’s bond.
So, if you’re interested in cultivating a relationship with your children that doesn’t just survive but thrives well into their adulthood, stick around.
Because saying goodbye to these behaviors will help pave the way for an authentic connection that grows and evolves with time.
1) Dismissing their feelings
We all know how it feels when our emotions are dismissed. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
Sadly, this is something many of us do with our kids unintentionally.
We brush off their feelings because we think they’re too young to understand or because we’re too busy with other things.
Here’s the thing, though. Our kids’ emotions are as real as ours. When they’re happy, sad, or angry, they feel it just as deeply as we do.
And when we dismiss those feelings, we’re sending them a message that their emotions are not valid or important.
But imagine what happens when we do the opposite. When we acknowledge their feelings and show them that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
It’s powerful. It teaches them that their emotions are valid, that it’s okay to express them, and most importantly, that we’re there for them no matter what.
And guess what? This simple shift in behavior can do wonders for your relationship with your child even when they grow up.
They’ll know they can always turn to you, and that’s a bond that lasts a lifetime.
2) Not practicing what you preach
I remember a time when I told my daughter, “Honesty is the best policy,” and then, minutes later, I lied about the reason we couldn’t go to the park.
I said it was closed when the truth was, I was just too tired.
She found out the next day when she heard from her friend that the park was, in fact, open.
The look of disappointment on her face said it all.
That’s when I realized that our actions speak louder than our words.
When our actions don’t line up with what we preach, it confuses our kids and makes them question the values we’re trying to instill in them.
We can’t expect our children to be honest if we’re not honest ourselves.
We can’t expect them to be kind if they see us being unkind to others. In short, we need to be the kind of person we want our children to become.
Let’s strive to align our actions with our words. It’s challenging, sure, but it’s worth it.
Because when your kids see you living out the values you teach them, they will respect you more as an adult and feel comfortable being around you.
3) Over-protectiveness
As parents, it’s natural for us to want to protect our children from the harsh realities of the world. But there’s a thin line between protection and over-protection.
When we constantly hover over our children, making every decision for them and shielding them from all possible harm, we hinder their ability to learn from their own experiences.
Over-protective parenting can actually lead to anxiety and dependence in children as they grow older.
It’s because they never get the chance to develop problem-solving skills or learn how to handle adversity on their own.
While it’s important to provide a safe environment for your kids, it’s equally important to give them space to make mistakes and learn from them.
This will not only help them become more independent but also foster a healthier relationship between you and your adult children.
4) Lack of respect for boundaries
Respect goes both ways, even in parenting. Just as we expect our children to respect our boundaries, we should respect theirs.
This can be challenging, especially as they grow older and start to crave more privacy and independence. But remember, boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships.
Crossing those boundaries, whether it’s by snooping through their personal belongings or not respecting their need for personal space, can strain your relationship with them.
Let’s make an effort to understand and respect our children’s boundaries.
Not only will it make them feel respected and valued, but it will also set a positive example for how they should treat others.
And when they’re adults, they’ll appreciate and respect you for it.
5) Never admitting when you’re wrong
I’ll be the first to admit it: saying “I was wrong” can be one of the hardest things to do. But it’s also one of the most important.
I’ve learned from my own experience that admitting my mistakes doesn’t make me a bad parent.
On the contrary, it shows my kids that I’m human, just like them, and that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.
When we refuse to admit our mistakes, we’re teaching our children that being right is more important than being honest.
But when we own up to our mistakes, we’re teaching them about responsibility, humility, and the importance of making amends.
Let’s not be afraid to say “I was wrong” when we mess up. It won’t diminish us in our children’s eyes.
Instead, it’ll increase their respect for us and strengthen our bond with them, even when they’re adults.
6) Being their friend, not their parent
It might seem like a great idea to be your child’s best friend. After all, friends are fun, understanding, and easy to talk to.
But here’s the catch: while being friendly with your children is important, at the end of the day, you’re their parent, not their friend.
When we blur the lines between friendship and parenthood, we risk undermining our own authority and confusing our children about our role in their lives.
As a parent, it’s our job to provide guidance, set boundaries, and sometimes make tough decisions that our children might not like. And that’s okay.
Because our main role is to raise them into responsible adults.
You can still have a strong bond with your adult children without being their friend in the traditional sense. It’s all about striking the right balance.
7) Not listening
Communication is not just about talking; it’s equally about listening. And I mean really listening, not just hearing the words.
Too often, we’re quick to offer advice or share our own experiences without really understanding what our child is trying to convey.
This can make them feel unheard and undervalued.
When we take the time to truly listen, we show our children that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter. This fosters a sense of self-worth and confidence that they’ll carry into adulthood.
Let’s make a conscious effort to listen more than we speak. You’ll be surprised at how much this simple act can strengthen your relationship with your children as they grow older.
8) Neglecting your own growth
The best way to ensure your children grow into well-rounded adults is by being one yourself.
You are their first role model, their first teacher. If they see you constantly learning, evolving, and striving to be better, they’ll follow suit.
So invest time in your personal growth.
Learn new skills, pursue your passions, take care of your physical and mental health. Show them what it means to be a lifelong learner.
Because in the end, the greatest gift you can give your children is the example of a life well-lived.
Wrapping it up
Hopefully, if you’ve read this far, you’ll realize that being a parent your children enjoy being around as adults isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being genuine, accountable, and respectful.
Because at the end of the day, your relationship with your grown-up children is not just about the time you’ve spent together. It’s about the values you’ve imparted, the respect you’ve shown, and the example you’ve set.
Remember, it’s never too late to make positive changes.
As American author and speaker Jim Rohn once said, “You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction.”
Take a moment to reflect on these behaviors. Are there any changes you could make today that would improve your relationship with your children in the future?
Because sometimes, it’s the small shifts in our behavior that can make the biggest difference in our relationships.
And who knows? You might just find that saying goodbye to these behaviors not only improves your relationship with your children but also helps you grow as a person.
